Today, my mother was trying to have yet another "helpful" conversation about how to fix my anxiety. My sister's insightful comment? "I think your problem is that you need to get laid." My mom agreed with her. FML
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Great!
Today, I took my class to swimming lessons at the local public pool. One student came out and proudly told me that she'd pooed in the shower, but it was OK because she'd then picked it up and flushed it down the toilet. FML
Revenge is sweet
Today, my housemate got back at me for asking for her share of a bill by losing her virginity to the guy I like, very loudly. FML
Today, my dad remarried, but he didn't want me to come. I'm told he didn't want me to ruin his pictures or make his guests feel uncomfortable, all because I had my leg amputated in April. FML
LoveIsOneSided tells us more.
Hi! I'm the OP of this. I lost my leg because of a clumsy accident. In 2013 I tripped walking into my kitchen, and cut my foot on a piece of tile (we were redoing the floor, and only had half the room done). I ended up in the hospital for about a week with an infection. Two weeks after getting out of the hospital, I suddenly got a fever that spiked so quickly, and got so high, I couldn't remember my own name. I was in the hospital that time for 84 days. This second infection got out of control. To this day, they don't know why or technically what it was (on record it's a severe case of cellulitis), but within twelve days of being admitted, I started getting small blisters from my toes to my knee. At thirty days, I was running a fever almost every night (fine during the day), and had lost feeling in half my leg. By sixty days, the blisters had ruptured and I had bigger blisters in some areas, and holes in other areas. They did a surgery where they basically shaved my skin off, thinking that would stop the blistering. Which it did. Once they did that, I was able to go home. But what should have taken a few weeks to heal, took almost a year. I had infections off and on throughout the year, and was on antibiotics at least once a month, every month. In December of 2014, I got a cut on that same leg. Within a week, it was blistered up again. I was back in the hospital, and back on heavy antibiotics. At this point, I had massive nerve damage in the leg, and couldn't feel most of; what I could feel was painful. I'm 28, and there were days when I couldn't walk, because every step felt like I was splitting my skin apart. They never got these blisters under control. The blistering never went past my knee. There was almost a line where they stopped, around my leg. I've had cuts on other parts of my body without an issue, so we don't why this happened or what technically caused it. When they couldn't get the blistering under control, they upped the antibiotics. When I started to show signs of kidney failure, we discussed options. I was able to keep my knee, but lost the leg a few inches below it. I don't have a prosthetic yet, and for the most part I'm okay with it. It's not pain free, but it's not like it was before. One of my brothers, from the minute I woke up from surgery, has been calling me Peggy (my name is not even close lol), but it's all in fun. To keep my spirits up. I'm not overweight, not diabetic and was never really sick until this. It just happened. I guess sometimes things just happen.
Today, I decided to have cereal for breakfast. I poured the cereal in the bowl, added the milk and had a spoonful. Then I realized that my cereal was moving in the back of my mouth. FML
Today, I received a break-up text while in a cramped car with my whole family. I had to choke back tears as we got stuck in traffic with the radio playing one love song after another. FML
Hitting the gym
Today, I told my dad I was gonna to start working out again. He looked at me with honest confusion on his face and said, "You worked out before?" My mother started laughing. She was all the way upstairs. FML
Today, my girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me by taping a breakup note to my doorstep and ding-dong-ditching me. FML
Nice neighborhood
Today, a kid on a bike passed me and commented on my "big fat butt." Recognizing him from the neighborhood, I told my husband to go speak to his parents about the inappropriate comment. It turns out his father is the man who yesterday commented on my "big bouncing tits." FML
Nice to know
Today, I brought my girlfriend home to introduce her to my parents. As we arrived, my grandpa was leaving the bathroom. He looked over at my girlfriend with a worried expression and said, "Never take a shit in this place. Feels like I wiped my arsehole with sandpaper." FML
Today, I had a plan. I was going to get up early, eat a well balanced breakfast, put on my workout clothes and enjoy this beautiful day with a fulfilling jog. Instead, I put on my workout clothes, spent hours on social media, ate a pizza, and ended up falling asleep on my couch. FML
Today, my mother woke me up by putting a beer on my face. After 15 minutes of her telling me to "just take a sip" and me rejecting it, I finally did just to shut her up. She then yelled at me for giving in to "peer pressure". FML
Today, I am seven months pregnant with my third child. I woke up to my two-and-a-half year old trying to "pop the balloon" in my tummy. FML
Today, I decided to show up early for work and really try to get off my manager's shit-list. On my way to work, my manager called to bitch me out for already being 30 minutes late. Yeah, I forgot about Daylight Savings Time. FML
Today, after struggling for over a year with it, and now having it medically confirmed, I told my step-dad about my depression. He gave me a disgusted look and scoffed, "Toughen up, cunt." FML
False flag
Today, after a broken smoke detector in my home caused the fire department to come, I got an angry visit from my neighbor who was upset because she had parked in front of a fire hydrant and got a ticket. She demands that I pay it, "or else." FML
Panic on the streets of Sydney
Today, I thought the ring my boyfriend bought for me had fallen off while emptying the trash into the bin. After panicking and emptying a week's worth of rubbish onto the ground, I found my ring safe and sound. On my other hand. FML
Today, after working alone in a room all day, I let a fart sneak out. Just then, my drop dead gorgeous boss and two new girls walked in. I could literally see them hit the stench and cringe. FML
Today, I got a text from a guy I hooked up with. I'm not really interested in him, so I rushed out of his house last night. He was letting me know I left my wallet at his house, and if I want it, I'll have to let him take me to dinner. FML
Today, I was talking with my mother. As we went to say goodbye, she said "I love you". Out of habit of saying I love you to my girlfriend, I said, "Love you too babe". FML
_1CrazyEyes1_ tells us more.
OP here. First off I am a girl. Second we were talking on the phone so it was not as awkward as it could have been. The awkward thing is that she didn't really approve of my relationship at first and still is getting adjusted to the idea. She kind of just laughed it off but I couldn't tell if it was an awkward silence laugh or a funny laugh.
Today, I was playing with my 3-year-old nephew when he suddenly got up and ran to his mom to tell her I was "touching in bad spots". I was tickling his armpits. FML
Today, while waxing a client's chest, I forgot to have him turn his head. When I ripped the strip, I punched him in the face. FML
Today, I woke up and texted my girlfriend, "Good morning" like I do everyday. She responded with, "I'm dating somebody else". FML
Steve97 tells us more.
Hey this is OP. I didn't know this got posted until looking at the new fml's. This happened this weekend a few days after my birthday no less. Part of it is my fault I've been working hard doing two jobs to save up enough money to hopefully move in with her someday. But this left me with barely little time to spend with her and she took it as me losing interest in her so she started dating someone else without me knowing and I didn't find out until she admitted it hours after I texted her. I still talk to her and she does feel terrible but whatever. Thanks to everyone for the support and I'm just taking it one day at a time now.
Today, less than a month from our wedding, my fiancé told me that he doesn't trust me and will be cancelling our wedding and new apartment lease if I don't give him all the names, numbers and addresses of my exes. All because I received a text from a wrong number that said, "Hey baby." FML
Today, I found out that the nickname my friend has been calling me in Japanese for the past year is the word for "Idiot". FML
Today, I was having computer problems, so I let my friend have remote access to fix them. We were video-chatting on Skype at the time, and so he thought it'd be hilarious to load hardcore porn in my browser the moment he saw my mom enter the room from behind me. I'm now grounded. FML
Today, I found out that my friend's family has been using red paper to help his little brother with his potty training. "Aim for the red!" they would say to him. I guess today was a bad day to wear red pants. FML
Today, at work, I was about to close a big sale, when a coworker rushed over and said there was a call for me in the office. He heavily implied my mom had died, and I rushed out. After I figured out there was no call and that my mom was fine, he'd already stolen my sale and the commission. FML
PUSH
Today, while visiting family in Taipei, I came across a large button that said "PUSH" on it. I was curious and pushed it. A deafening alarm then sounded for the next 10 minutes, attracting concerned neighbours and finally a security guard who informed me that I'd pushed a panic button. FML
Today, I ordered Chinese and told them I was allergic to eggs. I took a bite and I found some egg, quickly spat it out and took my antihistamines. When I returned with it and complained about my potential demise, they gave me a free orange to apologise. I'm allergic to oranges. FML