Today, my housemate got back at me for asking for her share of a bill by losing her virginity to the guy I like, very loudly. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my roommate brought a guy home at 3:30am. Not having a condom, she ran into my room to borrow one of mine. She was overzealous, jumped onto my bed, and cracked two of my ribs. She then took the condom, left me lying paralyzed with pain, and then had very loud sex, which I heard. FML
Today, I can hear my flatmate masturbating loudly and asking himself if he likes it. And replying. FML
Today, I received a call from a potential employer. I was excited, until my roommate starts loudly moaning sexually in the background. The interviewer got offended and hung up. My roommate did it because I "made her" pay my half of the rent this month. FYI, I’m unemployed. FML
Today, I heard my roommate moaning my name in the shower. FML
Today, I was chilling at home when my roomie cruised in with a baddie on his arm. She turned out to be a total ho and started trying to get in my pants while he was sitting RIGHT THERE. I did everything I could to shake her off and in the end I just asked her to leave. Fuck, I feel bad for him. FML
Today, I walked into my dorm room, only to witness my roommate shaving her vag over my trashcan. FML
Today, I heard a knock on my door and, thinking it was my student adviser, opened it. I was greeted by a drunk girl, who pushed her way into my dorm room, informed me that she lived here last year, and then told me that she lost her virginity in my bed. FML
Today, I walked in on my roommate having sex in my bed, because apparently hers is "for sleeping only". FML
Today, some filthy creep grabbed my girlfriend's ass in front of me. I smashed his face in, as would be expected. Afterwards, we had wild sex, then she cried, told me how frightened my "unprovoked violent response" made her, and kicked me out. I'm now in a seedy motel, wondering what the hell happened. FML
Today, I finally summoned the courage to ask my roommate to chip in for electricity costs. She called me a bitch, proceeded to tell me she can't afford it, despite working full time and me part time, and blocked me on all communications. Uhm, what ? FML
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Top comments
lovelockdown23 23
Who gives up their virginity out of spite? she's an idiot
Jefffz 13
You should have asked her if you could split the guy too
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Comments (89)
thecouchisalive 20
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
That blows...
MrsPegg 45
Naw. I believe OPs roommate blows... If you know what I mean. FYL OP for having to live with a ***** who obviously has no respect for herself or other people.
thefmlman2011 37
That ******* bitch! i suggest moving out very quickly
WhoopteDo 26
Was it out of spite? Even if it wasn't, FYL. If she's a repeat no-show on the money you should find a new roomate..
daddysgirl243 21
even out of spite, that is totally and completely uncalled for
pyrexicpoet 18
She paid for a little time alone... She was practicing to become a reverse cowgirl
lovelockdown23 23
Who gives up their virginity out of spite? she's an idiot
ohjoy15 33
Yeah she'd eventually have to pay the bill anyway if she wanted to keep living there. So it's not even like doing that achieved anything haha.
CharlesEmersonW 31
I know ha? What a "lady" :))
creatureman 14
If the roommate didn't pay it, they both would have been screwed... I already almost feel bad about this comment.
MrConcise 35
She wasn't a virgin, it was just a power play.
MrConcise 35
Holy shit, I'm gonna get buried for an obvious conclusion? Are people really that easy to fool?
TinaT2015 14
***** always say they're virgins...
tormcn 26
It's true. If you're a 'virgin' how could you give it up so easily? Yeah, I think not.
a1_z9 10
I dunno, I think people make a bigger deal out of virginity and loosing it than it actually is sometimes. Either way using a guy and treating her housemate like that is pretty crappy, I bet she's going to cringe so hard at herself when she's grown up a bit.
BigC_from_Bama 16
Defending a bury is pretty much gonna result in a bury so its best to leave it alone instead of insulting people.
MrConcise 35
I understand how commenting and voting psychology work. I'm just so unbelievably baffled by nobody else seeming to understand the hidden truth of the situation that I had to make sure everybody else knew it.
piinksock 17
I highly doubt the 2 situations are even related. Because as you say 5, who gives up their virginity out of spite? She probably forgot the bill because she was busy flirting and thinking about sex with this guy. OP is just being dramatic.
MrConcise 35
If only that were true. The thing is, people are petty. They will continue to be simply out of pride. Yes, I can agree OP is being dramatic, but if you think somebody can't be spiteful and maintain a relationship simultaneously, you're being very naive.
Jefffz 13
You should have asked her if you could split the guy too
tormcn 26
I honestly laughed so hard at this.
ShatteredPulse 15
The guy was busy splitting her :^)
sstahpp 33
A classic case of cutting of your nose to spite your face.
InnocenceBlue 38
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
*despite, not to spite. Just FYI, not trying to be mean.
neeni88 23
#44, Really?? Wow! Just FYI, it's actually "to spite."
sstahpp 33
Haha..cutting your nose despite your face? WOW
iiTzNeeNerz 26
I'm not trying to be mean #44 made herself look really stupid.
sstahpp 33
Not trying to be mean @44...but if you try to correct someone, make sure you're correct yourself.
iiTzNeeNerz 26
In* Late edit.
jordanrecatto 21
Or in the words of Michael Scott, "to spider face".
piinksock 17
Oh 44 *gives condescending pat*
freya1998 23
Sounds like a bad roommate to me.. Move out? I would!
Geckosrock99 33
Someone's obviously not ready for the adult life. OP, get yourself a more mature roommate.
Geckosrock99 33
Someone's obviously not ready for the adult life. OP, get yourself a more mature roommate, fast. (Sorry, phone lagged and didn't tell me it posted the first one)