Today, I brought my girlfriend home to introduce her to my parents. As we arrived, my grandpa was leaving the bathroom. He looked over at my girlfriend with a worried expression and said, "Never take a shit in this place. Feels like I wiped my arsehole with sandpaper." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time to meet my parents. They were having a heated argument because my mom had bought "the wrong toilet paper" and my dad was angry because "she should know that he has a sensitive anus." FML
Today, my girlfriend and I enjoyed a lovely shower together. It was indeed lovely until her father came into the washroom to say “Welcome to the family!” whilst taking a giant shit. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. I had to use the bathroom part way through, and ended up taking the foulest dump of my life. I cracked open a window on my way out, but my boyfriend's dad went in soon after, quickly retching and booming, "What the fuck?!" FML
Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my parents. As he was loading his truck, I went inside to take a surreptitious shit. I ended up clogging the toilet, and so the first thing my mom said to my boyfriend was, "You'll have to find another bathroom; she just clogged it all up." FML
Today, I took my new girlfriend to meet my grandmother. We were drinking coffee when my gran leaned to one side and let out a huge fart. Proud of herself, she added, "That one didn't pay his rent on time!" Coffee came out of my girlfriend's nose. FML
Today, while I was doing my hair, my grandpa walked in, dropped his pants, and started taking a crap in the toilet right next to me. FML
Today, I brought my girlfriend of six months over to meet my family. When my grandpa saw her, he said, "What a waste of good breeding stock." FML
Today, while at my boyfriend's house, my stomach began to hurt really badly, so I excused myself to take a shit. I let it all out. Later on, his dad went to the bathroom and yelled, "Goddamn son, what the hell did you do in here?!" FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. I had bad stomach cramps so I asked if I could use the bathroom. After half an hour, I flushed the toilet, it backs up and floods the bathroom. To make things worse, when I opened the door, I slipped on the wet tiles. FML
Today, I sneaked into my girlfriend's house for some romantic time. Before going into her room, I took a dump in the bathroom. Once I was done, I not only noticed that there was no toilet paper left, but I heard her and her 6'5, heavyweight boxer, ex-marine father, talking outside the bathroom door. FML
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Top comments
devildog562 33
Everyone knows the feeling of bad toilet paper. Grandpa has the decency to tell the truth . Just in a crude way.
TrippingOnAcid 29
The girl doesn't even need to take a dump to experience the bad toilet paper. Grampa forgets that women always have to wipe down there
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Comments (67)
devildog562 33
Everyone knows the feeling of bad toilet paper. Grandpa has the decency to tell the truth . Just in a crude way.
Way2Fast8 20
All you gotta do is buy better toilet paper
slingerslasher 24
Hook me up with some of that 4-ply oh goddamn sweet jebus yes
CoGhostRider 31
1ply toilet paper smh poor grandpa.
False_Stupidity 42
1 ply from the dollar store... *shudders*
VeganDarkLight 31
So what?
DinosaurTacoTime 18
Must be Angel soft. For some reason it has become devil rough.....
StickyPickles 33
"Scotts" is rough my friend. . I personally prefer the great value brand. I suppose each arsehole to their own, or something like that
FitFriday 32
Your grandfather seems like he is quite the character
HUGBUG 23
Lol I know the feeling
joelp232 17
well thats just embarrassing
lambda_fml 40
You dont say.
HUGBUG 23
No shit Sherlock
King_paradox 22
Savage.
mustangbravo 27
That must have been rough.
sirrubberducky 7
I'm new here FML community, but is this one of the acceptable puns?
shay_serendipity 29
Well, sirrubberducky, it depends on who you ask and what mood everyone here on FML is in. So far since it's still in positive upvotes, I'm assuming it's a generally acceptable pun, but not the best, in my opinion- sorry.
countryb_cth 38
I think it was worse for the Grandpa. Sand paper rough tolite paper is the worst.
shitsville 13
I find that it really helps to exfoliate my butthole
TrippingOnAcid 29
The girl doesn't even need to take a dump to experience the bad toilet paper. Grampa forgets that women always have to wipe down there