The Top

Hi everyone! OP here. We were out at a nightclub for a Halloween event. I was standing at the edge of the dance floor talking to my boyfriend and the girl was behind me where I couldn't see her. I was carrying a cardboard hammer and I moved it and felt it touch something, then turned around and saw this girl cringing. I apologized two or three times and gave her a hug. As some people guessed, I referred to her as a "drama queen" only here, and it was to show what I thought before I knew that she had had surgery; a person who was in good physical health wouldn't have reacted so strongly to such a light tap. I did not hit her on purpose, and I certainly didn't think she was a drama queen after hearing what happened to her. Thanks for the comments!

By Disconnected - 16/05/2017 12:00

Today, I found out that it is possible for someone else to cancel my Internet, TV and phone services in two days. However it'll take me 5 days, after 6 hours on the phone, to get it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 448

You deserved it 272

By Watchingmyfigure - 06/12/2016 17:55 - United States - Gainesville

Today, I was so hungry and broke that I resorted to drinking salad dressing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 003

You deserved it 1 247

PTSD

By I have Flashbacks Now - 10/11/2016 21:15 - United States - Woonsocket

Today, while going to the mall, I witnessed the horror of someone sneezing and shitting themselves at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 436

You deserved it 915

By Dirtbikesnowboard - 09/11/2016 19:00 - United States - Cedar City

Today, my best friend got jealous that his dog likes me more. He told me I have to spank it whenever it cuddles with me so it will love him more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 638

You deserved it 657

Good doggo

By Alittlebitiffy - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I spent an hour pulling poop-covered prickles out of my husky's butt. A duck had startled him while he was doing his business and his first thought was to run, mid-poop, into a prickle bush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 860

You deserved it 832

By Freebie - 17/06/2017 12:00 - United States - Altoona

Today, marks the third month that I have not received payment for work I did on web pages for a hospital chain. They owe me over $1,000. It will cost twice that to get a lawyer to force them to pay me what I'm owed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 818

You deserved it 386

By fml - 02/11/2016 08:45 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, the mall I work at started playing Christmas songs on repeat. It's the beginning of November. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 170

You deserved it 1 270

By tori210 - 15/08/2017 16:00

Today, I was walking out of work. I felt like everyone was staring at me but brushed it off. It wasn't until I got home that I realized I had toilet paper sticking out of my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 491

You deserved it 718

Zzzzzzz

By Alyssa - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Spring Park

Today, my fiancé, my two-year-old, and my dog are all sleeping peacefully next to me in our new king-sized memory foam bed. It's 2:15 in the morning. Why am I not sleeping? Because they all snore, one right after the other. It's like an endless song of snoring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 606

You deserved it 1 296

By tracy4191 - 18/09/2016 05:21 - United States - Ponchatoula

Today, I found out my mom sleeps in my room when I'm at college during the week. I discovered this my bumping into her dildo with my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 584

You deserved it 743

Fashionably Late

By blindedbythelight - 02/09/2017 04:28 - United States - Orlando

Today, the pair of solar eclipse glasses I ordered weeks ago arrived. I'm sure they'll come in handy for 2024. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 192

You deserved it 361

By mkonda - 10/09/2016 17:11 - India

Today, my boyfriend of 6 years broke up with me via a Whatsapp group. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 015

You deserved it 834

By Anonymous - 02/04/2009 23:12 - United States

Today, I found out that because of my high blood pressure I can't have sex for one month. My wedding is next weekend and the following two weeks are my honey moon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 267 755

You deserved it 28 655

By Clumsy - 08/09/2016 12:06 - United States - Millville

Today, I was working out with the guy I like when he spilled his water bottle. I went to clean up the spill, bashed my face into the weight bar, which broke my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 166

You deserved it 1 437

Gamer watch

By kristajoy2001 - 01/09/2019 00:02

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. All of the sudden, he whispered in my ear, "Do you want to hear a Minecraft joke?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 872

You deserved it 352

Chancer

By annoyed - 24/09/2017 01:30

Today, I received an email from my insurance company about a claim that happened over a month ago when I hit someone from behind. I was very apologetic and stated it was my fault, and now they're trying to claim replacement vehicle costs. I was going under 10mph and their car only had a scratch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 752

You deserved it 514

By CrawlingUnderARock - 26/09/2017 16:00

Today, I discovered that a company has been using a photo of me for one of those "she lost 50 pounds" online ads. I'm the "before" photo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 339

You deserved it 398

By hungry - 15/08/2016 03:03 - United States - Waverly

Today, my husband offered to do the weekly grocery shopping. Because he has never done the shopping before, I made him a list of what we needed and other optional foods to give him an idea of what to get. He came back with a week's worth of ramen noodles and 2 litres of soda. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 043

You deserved it 2 230

By sad_unicorn - 31/07/2016 04:51

Today, my mother in law likes to baby my partner. Gets him drinks, kisses him on the forehead, talks to him like he's 8, does everything for him. And she gives me death stares, especially when she hugs him when I'm around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 758

You deserved it 1 239

By Dansonn - 17/03/2009 03:17 - United States

Today, after work I went to the parking lot to my car to go home. I found my car doors heavily scratched and all my tires cut, with a note on my windshield. The note read, "F*** you, Jackson." I'm Tyler. Jackson is my co-worker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 200 915

You deserved it 10 640

By taelor14 - 08/11/2017 01:30

Today, after boarding my flight, the flight attendant looked at me and said that I had to sit elsewhere because I had to be over 14 to sit near the emergency exit. I'm 22. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 412

You deserved it 323

By carl_carl_ - 25/07/2016 04:17 - United States - Grand Ledge

Today, I found my dad on a dating website looking for younger girls. My mother and father are "happily" married, well according to her Facebook profile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 924

You deserved it 1 531

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Parenting Kids Miscellaneous Suspicious Weird Awkward Health Phobias Embarrassing Cars Transportation Geek Neighbours Dreams Family Animals Gross Landlords NSFW Sex Intimacy Anxiety Stressed out Cooking Work Relatable Clothes Friends Birthday Money

The Top

Today, it's been three weeks since my dad finished growing what he calls a "Jesus beard" and gone out asking for donations and claiming to be Jesus Christ. I've been trying and failing to get a job for 2 years, and he's already raking in cash from gullible idiots. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 222

You deserved it 3 973

Today, I took my girlfriend to go see Les Misérables. I tried to stay tough but completely lost it and started sobbing when Anne Hathaway began singing. My girlfriend called me a wimp and stayed dry-eyed throughout the whole movie. I'm dating a robot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 455

You deserved it 15 235

Today, I was showering at hockey practice. It would have been business as usual, if not for one of my teammates playing with his junk and not-so-subtly asked me to connect. There are 5 more months of hockey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 009

You deserved it 3 075

Today, after complaining all my life that no one makes a decent can opener, I have realised that I have been using them the wrong way. I finally figured out that the cutting blade goes on the SIDE of the can not the TOP. I'm 57 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 096

You deserved it 2 104

Today, I went to the mall with friends. I'd ditched other friends in order to go out with these friends. At the table next to me was an ex, and on the top floor were the other friends I'd ditched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 165

You deserved it 1 733

Today, my online ad was deleted for being in the wrong category. I'm looking for a good home for two old horses, so I'd put the ad in the category “Horses”. Maybe I should try again under “Lawn Mowers”? FML

I agree, your life sucks 633

You deserved it 72