Today, my best friend got jealous that his dog likes me more. He told me I have to spank it whenever it cuddles with me so it will love him more. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after a serious argument with my friend about how his dog seems to hate me for no reason, I decided that it's my responsibility to show his dog that I mean no harm. I started off by giving him his favorite treat. He got excited and practically inhaled it… then started barking at me again. FML
Today, my dog carried on with his recent habit of trying to hump me. When I told my mom, she just joked that he's my new boyfriend. Now my whole family is just calling him my boyfriend. FML
Today, I realized my boyfriend's dog is more excited to see me than he is. FML
Today, I had a date with a woman. She brought her dog along. Everytime I touched her, her jealous male dog began to bark and tried to bite me. FML
Today, and everyday since we got a puppy in March, my husband is jealous of the puppy who follows me everywhere. He was the one that wanted the puppy and now he practically hates it. FML
Today, I went to get my friend a drink while she sat in the lounge watching TV with my dog. When I came back, I found her licking my dogs ears. She said he dared her to do it. FML
Today, a friend came over to meet my new dog. The dog got excited and accidentally peed on him. I went to the kitchen to get something to clean it up. When I came back, my new dog was covered in my friend's pee. My friend claimed that peeing on my dog "showed dominance." FML
Today, I started petting my cousin's Doberman. Now, whenever I stop he growls menacingly. FML
Today, I was having a playful fight with my brother. I made the point that our dog likes me better than him. To this, my dog jumped onto the sofa, turned to me and vomited on my face. FML
Today, I realized my dog looks at me with way more love in his eyes than my own boyfriend does. FML
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Top comments
XxNekoLovexX 26
I do believe I detect a bit of jealousy *sips tea* in all seriousness, that's ****** up of your friend to make you hit his dog so it'll hate you and love him. I detect future relationship issues with this one.
chirstinap325 23
What if his dog likes being spanked? His plan will backfire lol
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Comments (30)
XxNekoLovexX 26
I do believe I detect a bit of jealousy *sips tea* in all seriousness, that's ****** up of your friend to make you hit his dog so it'll hate you and love him. I detect future relationship issues with this one.
sledgecsgo 3
why is it necessary to say you drank tea
doraquiexplore 13
It's a meme
Jay18 22
or because some tea is so dam good *sips brisk tea*
chirstinap325 23
What if his dog likes being spanked? His plan will backfire lol
lightningclicks 24
I come on this website for comments like these lmao
quats17 15
My dog actually loves being spanked as long as it isn't really hard she will turn and enjoy it.
Ilovemysphynx 19
Tell them you'll spank them whenever they sit near you so the dog doesn't get jealous.
LyricaSilvan 30
That would be when you say "**** no, you weird dumbass" and do whatever you need to do to get that dog out of his possession. He has serious issues if he's willing to demand someone hit his pet, for any reason. People who think like that should not be allowed to have pets in the first place.
taterrtots 25
i hope you spanked him instead. obviously the dog wins
blahhhhhhh85 9
sounds like you need better friends. smack your friend instead
Enslaved 38
When I first read "spank it" I thought you were talking about something completely different.
Earl_KarmasBitch 36
Well I can see why that might make a dog (or anyone else) not want to hang out with you.
TheyCallMeDamien 18
That's a sign of a potential personality disorder.
wmayrhofer 18
Poor dog.
middlenamefrank 8
If that's his approach to life, I think we know why his dog likes you better.