The Top

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You ain't seen me, right

By omgomgomg - 27/10/2011 21:41 - United Kingdom

Today, I was in a rush and had to get changed in a train restroom. While changing, I leaned against the button that opened the door. Not only do train toilet doors open and close very slowly, leaving you half naked for a few seconds, but everyone in the carriage opposite can see clearly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 351

You deserved it 4 205

Goddammit

By Anonymous - 10/01/2010 02:20 - United States

Today, while arguing with my boyfriend about how I wasn't a bad driver and could parallel park, I thought it would be easier to just let him do it. Unfortunately, while getting out of the car to switch seats, I forgot to take the car out of drive and it ran into the car in front of us. He was right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 331

You deserved it 31 969

Give him a week

By Allie - 01/08/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, I touched my friend's hard junk under my foot through his jeans as we played games on the couch. He didn't move away and kept jiggling my thighs playfully, so I didn't stop. When he left, I texted him I liked what I felt and got no response. I killed a 7 year friendship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 499

You deserved it 255

By Anonymous - 24/06/2009 10:10 - Netherlands

Today, I ran into my crush of three years ago. We used to always walk our dogs together. He still remembered my dog's name. He didn't remember mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 201

You deserved it 4 016

Where's my shit?

By Taurus_ChicKa - 15/12/2021 17:01 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, a package has been sitting at the post office for two weeks, with a status update of "Arriving Late." I've finally been told the package is most likely lost in a sorting bin, and won't arrive before Christmas. It was a custom-made, commissioned Christmas gift, that took two months to even complete, and can't be replaced. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 035

You deserved it 100

Everyone's a critic

By Anonymous - 11/03/2023 20:00 - United States - Seattle

Today, I sent a love letter I'd written meant for my crush to a friend so she could evaluate my prose before I actually sent it to him. For some reason, my emotions got the best of me, and I mistakenly CC'd my mom. She replied with three crying-with-laughter emojis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 339

You deserved it 807

Out of it

By Anonymous - 10/01/2022 05:01

Today, I'm sick with a fever, and on my cycle I was too tired and forgot to change my tampon, and ended up putting another one in. I woke up to go to the bathroom and ended up pulling two out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 996

You deserved it 376

By Anonymous - 26/12/2010 21:32 - United States

Today, my mom told me that my new concealer is way too dark and makes my skin look hideously orange and uneven. I wasn't wearing any makeup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 257

You deserved it 4 478

Thanks guys

By annie - 12/01/2022 14:01

Today, I had to do a PowerPoint presentation alone, since none of my group members showed up. I was given a big fat 0 for doing the presentation alone. It was worth 50% of my grade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 425

You deserved it 116

Leave me alone

By Just fucking wank it off already and stop bugging me - 09/08/2024 22:00 - United States

Today, my man has quit watching porn for "health benefits." Before, he only wanted sex once or twice a month. Now it's almost every damn night. Every time I try to convince him to go back to porn, he throws a tantrum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 213

You deserved it 788

Jesus saves

By WorkSexMonkey - 04/01/2010 19:20 - United States

Today, I found out that shutting off the heat in the rental property my parents owned was a bad idea. The water froze and the pipes burst, causing the whole kitchen ceiling to fall down. The water ruined the wood floors and the appliances. I turned off the heat to save money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 053

You deserved it 37 374

Bad boy

By lukey101 - 27/03/2023 16:00

Today, my puppy celebrated a milestone by lifting his leg to pee for the first time. Too bad it was up against my brand new soft fabric couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 665

You deserved it 189

Tasty smell test failed

By Teen Idol - 14/08/2024 09:00 - United States - Lansing

Today, after a week of wondering why my room smelled terrible, I found the culprit: a moldy sandwich I'd hidden under my bed during a movie night to avoid sharing it with my brother. I don’t know what’s worse - the smell or the fact that I was outsmarted by a sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 708

HELP!

By ToiletTony - 19/06/2009 01:33 - United States

Today, I was using the bathroom in a department store. When I was finished, I couldn't get the stall door open. I'm claustrophobic and I freaked out and started shouting for help. A 6 year-old boy got the door open for me. It turns out I was pushing when I should have been pulling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 842

You deserved it 51 594

Never forget

By Anonymous - 17/08/2024 22:00 - United States - Bristol

Today, after my parent's forgot my 16th birthday, then rescheduled for two weeks later and forgot, fast forward to my 36th. My father, my husband, and my teen kids all forgot. I was told to relax and that they would make a cake, etc. No cake was made. Mom got me a food gift that I'm allergic to. It's been a few days. Forgotten again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 658

You deserved it 138

Check this out

By Anonymous - 19/12/2010 05:24 - United States

Today, my boyfriend called me into the bathroom after he had been in there a while. I found him with his pants down, looking at a pimple on his butt in the mirror. He asked me for, "Help." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 888

You deserved it 4 551

By buttpain - 11/01/2017 13:25

Today, being a snow day, I decided to take a nice nap before resuming cleaning my room. Changed back into pajamas, climbed into bed, and found that one of the cats peed on my sheets. I've made negative progress, and had my underwear soaked in someone else's cold urine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 040

You deserved it 1 051

Classic Dave

By not the mama - 24/10/2020 11:01 - United States - Hesperia

Today, after years of trying, I got the wonderful news that my husband is going to be a father. Too bad I’m not the mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 727

You deserved it 116

I'll have the Catfish

By Anonymous - 25/03/2023 06:00 - United States

Today, I made my way to a bar for a first date with a guy I had been talking to online. It turned out he was actually my ex-boyfriend in disguise, trying to get revenge for dumping him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 245

You deserved it 144

Pair of doozies

By Anonymous - 15/03/2026 22:00

Today, God blessed me with two children: one a shiftless arsehole who is definitely going to jail one day, and a neurotic overachiever destined for either a medical degree or a loony bin, and most days I can’t decide which is the biggest pain to deal with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 151

You deserved it 406

By CPD - 15/10/2011 04:12 - Canada

Today, I made a half-hour bike ride to the movie store, only to realize I'd forgotten my money. I made the ride back home, grabbed my money, went back to the store, paid, then made a second ride home. I got home exhausted, and opened the case. They gave me the wrong movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 319

You deserved it 6 156

Domestic

By I’d rather be homeless - 24/01/2022 17:01

Today, I got into a heated argument with my mother, during which she told me she wished she’d thrown herself down the stairs the minute she discovered she was pregnant. I told her, “There's the stairs, help yourself!” She called the police and told them I threatened to push her down the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 413

You deserved it 188

Sounds like a keeper

By Rae - 30/03/2023 10:00

Today, I went on a date with a guy who seemed really nice. However, halfway through the date, he started talking about how he was a flat-earther, and believed that the moon landing was faked. Oh, and that birds aren't real. I had to endure another hour of his conspiracy theories before I could finally escape. FML

I agree, your life sucks 847

You deserved it 151

Sussy baka

By Anonymous - 24/01/2022 04:59

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I get along with her mother just fine. Apparently, it’s not natural for a son-in-law and mother-in-law to get along this well, we should hate each other on principle, so liking each other just fine is somehow majorly suspicious and she can’t trust me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 493

You deserved it 125

By ipodless - 13/10/2011 00:47 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. I asked everyone for iTunes money, pleased to finally be able to buy some new songs for my iPod. After receiving several gift cards, I discovered that my iPod had been stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 344

You deserved it 4 342

By rukus - 16/06/2009 03:25 - Canada

Today, I was was leaving the library when I noticed an elderly woman being mugged. I was about to leave on my bike, but promptly went to help her. After I managed to scare off the mugger, I helped her to her car. As I was heading back to my bike, I notice the mugger riding off on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 503

You deserved it 45

Facts over feelings

By Anonymous - 23/10/2020 20:03 - United States - Springfield

Today, I noticed that my mom still has me saved in her phone with my married name. I told her she could change it back to my maiden name. She said, "Not until it's legal!" My husband and I have been separated for more than 2 years and my divorce will be finalized in 2 days. She still won't change it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 172

You deserved it 236

Wild

By Anonymous - 25/01/2022 08:01

Today, I intended to get home early. Instead, I got too drunk, threw up, fell asleep on the train, and had to pay a $120 for a taxi fare. Happy 30th birthday to me, I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 286

You deserved it 1 500

Make it stop

By honeybunny - 19/11/2014 19:04 - United States - Norman

Today, I'm 11 weeks pregnant and my husband has taken great glee in the fact that his horrible gas is enough to trigger my morning sickness. We're about to go on a long, 12-hour drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 102

You deserved it 3 172

Shit eating grin

By lame - 31/12/2009 05:02 - Canada

Today, I ate a chocolate bar before getting my morning coffee. While waiting for it, a good looking guy started talking to me, then suddenly lost interest. Afterwards, I saw the chocolate on my face in my car mirror. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 416

You deserved it 22 034

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The Top

Today, as a student reporter for our college newspaper, I interviewed the president of my university. I was surprised to get an interview with him, and because of my nerves, as soon as I walked into his office I tripped over my own feet and fell face first into the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 708

You deserved it 2 766

Today, I kindly asked my crazy roommate to move out. She answered by stuffing raw hamburger meat down all the drains in the apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 298

You deserved it 3 202

Today, I got home to three boys riding bikes out in front of my house, smiling at me. I instantly thought they were checking me out, so I smiled sweetly at them. Turns out they were flaunting the fact that they just stole all 3 of our bikes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 734

You deserved it 12 300

Today, I learned that you don't put your diamond earrings on over your bathroom sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 294

You deserved it 44 578

Today, I told the man I'm sleeping with that I thought my sister was prettier than me. His response : "Not significantly." FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 830

You deserved it 30 778

Today, at 2 in the afternoon, I walked in on my 6-year-old making coffee. When I asked what he was doing, he said, "You were being grumpy, and you said coffee makes you not so grumpy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 275

You deserved it 3 825