Today, at work, I met a new client for the first time. Apparently he thought it would be a good idea to get drunk beforehand and spend the whole appointment telling me about his 9-inch "drill bit." I have to try and find this guy a job. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had a job interview with a man that I got drunk with at a bar on Saturday night. He spent an hour telling me things I did that I don't even remember. FML
Today, I overheard my boss talking about me on the phone. Turns out he was drunk off his ass when he gave the go-ahead to hire me, and he's now searching for any excuse to legally fire me. FML
Today, my boss sent me to a meeting with a client I've never met to do some damage control and renegotiate his contract. For two hours, he alternated between threatening to sue us, and making vulgar comments about raping me in his office. FML
Today, I had to have a word with my boss about how him coming into work drunk is probably not a very good idea. FML
Today, a customer bought several drill bits. When I asked him, "Do you want a bag for your bits?" he just stared at me uncomfortably, apparently thinking I was trying to come onto him. FML
Today, I showed up to my new job early, hoping to impress my new boss. When he arrived, he walked by me and muttered, "Fucking tryhard." FML
Today, I met one of my company's big clients. The second he stepped into my office, the room filled with a stink like a thousand dirty jockstraps piled inside a filthy gas station bathroom. After he left, I commented on it to my boss. I was told that I would be meeting him at least three times a week. FML
Today, I started training as a bartender. My very first client told me how his wife is sleeping with her sister's husband. He then told me that all the women he knows only want sex, and asked me why "we" were like that. He could be my dad. FML
Today, I started my job as a driving instructor. My first client showed up piss drunk. FML
Today, my new boss asked me to handle a very difficult client, warning me that, "He's kind of a dick." My accidental response? "That's fine, I'm great at handling dicks." FML
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Top comments
Jimster1712 0
Hmm, 9 inch drill bits, that must be hard to find in your local hardware store, interesting conversation you had there.
Blueglasscup 18
Male prostitute?
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Comments (112)
Jimster1712 0
Hmm, 9 inch drill bits, that must be hard to find in your local hardware store, interesting conversation you had there.
EvilPotato 15
I don't believe him, you should check and see.
DropTheDaggerxx 31
Very rare.. Definitely add it to his résumé under "special talents" or whatever. Those must be hard to find. Technically all you have to do if find him a job to suit his abilities/assets.. So, male prostitute, politician (he seems like a decent liar with that whole '9 inch' thing), Pinocchio at Disney World...
GlitteryMasakali 1
1 - are you seriously a miget? :(
SCREAM4meeee 0
Get him a job cleaning shit off the sides of toilets!
yamatelle 19
I doubt that he'll be able to drill anything with his Whiskey dick.
fthislyfe 22
He can drill!
Jimster1712 0
indeed i am, problem?
Yodaevil 4
Makes me jealous! I'm a cocky puck, inch long, 10 inches round! Find me a job!
Keyman1212 14
59, find your own job, but first, cocky puck? Your spelling is atrocious. And don't blame that on Autocorrect, because then that makes you lazy for not checking your post BEFORE clicking send.
WishResign 0
66, technically, he spelled every word right. Not one word was mispelled.... Perhaps you were attempting to correct his grammar instead, hmm? If you weren't so busy feeling so proud of yourself maybe you could have corrected him properly, w/o sounding like a smartass moron. Maybe his wording was wrong... or maybe he worded it that way on purpose but he's the only one that gets his own 'joke'... Either way, you fail & the blame is entirely yours. lol
Keyman1212 14
Or maybe he's too lazy to proof read.
99problemz 0
He was trying to make a pun retard
WishResign 0
70, I'm more inclined to think that the main issue here is that you have absolutely no clue what you're talking about. There's literally nothing wrong with what he wrote. The only thing he's guilty of is being a dork. Perhaps a little extra schooling on your part would clear your confusion? ;)
SamBaBam98 0
Lol he sounds like a tool lol and I dont meen his no-no spot ;)
morganlee0609 8
It was a pun, he meant it that way. Get a life!
Blueglasscup 18
Male prostitute?
Lennes 12
**** star maybe?
olpally 33
Male stripper?!?
YayorNay 8
Ice cream man would be nice.
jizzwold 21
Kids puppet show?
MyEpicDemise 7
Remember that he's drunk. You could sign him up for any shitty job and when he's sober, you could act innocent.
chubbybunny963 7
Gigolo! - the word for a male prostitute
Xtra_Cheddar 3
Find them at home depot, lowes, or ace?
Andychilada 0
or the **** industry :)
indistructo 3
9 inches? pfffft
Jaxx66 21
Pictures or it didn't happen :D
Jakko 1
Hahaha
RyanMacVey 17
you just need to big up his good points... confident, always on a high and has lots of character
himoonkey 8
Or you can be like my mom, call him disgusting then leave :)
alexy0806 3
Might take a long time to find
ThEKID96 4
So he's a tardi-caca land shark from the waist down then...
perdix 31
If life imitates art (where art = Internet ****), you'd have been thrilled to give the guy a job right there in your office.
Grayscale 9
**** actor?
sfiguz 7
Carpenter?
HomeAl0ne 20
He'd have to get wood first, and I suspect that might be a problem.