Today, around 2:00 a.m. I had just sat down on my couch when I noticed one of my cats poking at what appeared to be a toy. I attempted to pick it up to play with the cat when it started to move like a mouse. I squealed like a girl and woke up my wife upstairs. I'm a 26-year-old man. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was having a romantic dinner at home with my girlfriend. Everything was perfect—candles, wine, the whole shebang. As we sat down, I felt something moving under the table. I thought it was her playing footsie. Nope, it was our cat with a very live, very tetchy mouse he'd just caught. Cue the screaming and wine spilling everywhere. FML
Today, I woke up to my cat slowly dragging her paw across my face. I opened my eyes to see a bloody mouse dangling an inch from my face. It was still twitching. FML
Today, I made my way to bed around 4am after spending all night hanging out with my family. When I got to my bed, I started to clear a spot to lay down. Almost immediately, my hand touched something furry and cold and, fearing the worst, I turned the light on. Turns out my cat left me a half eaten rodent. FML
Today, I awoke at two in the morning to my cat putting his most recent kill on my chest. When I jumped up screaming, the dead mouse went flying and now my husband and I can't find it. Better yet, now both my husband and my cat are giving me the silent treatment. FML
Today, I woke up to something tickling me. Thinking it was my cat, I reached under the covers to give her a friendly scratch behind the ears. I imagine the giant spider that was actually there enjoyed my terrified screams. FML
Today, I was upstairs with my wife when I heard my cat scream from the porch downstairs. I ran down to find her "puffed up" and growling on the floor, and a corner of the screen next to the door busted out. I still have no idea what caused it and my wife is now afraid to go to sleep. FML
Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML
Today, I woke up to noises from downstairs. I practically pissed my pants and called the cops. Turned out it was just my cat being a dickhead in the living room. FML
Today, I was awoken at 1:30 a.m. by a strange noise, and something tugging on my hair. I opened my eyes, to find a very large rat sitting on my pillow, chewing my hair. FML
Today, I was woken up by my roommates cat meowing so loudly at her door, wanting in. Suddenly it stopped. I was just falling back into sleep when I rolled over and the cat was right there beside my head. Meowing. FML
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Top comments
jlowder2 0
just remember...the mouse is more scared of you than you are of him....actually, in this case I dont think that is correct.
eean 0
If it was a mouse..... then yike. Don't be ashamed of yelping if your holding a mouse by its tail accidentally. It could give you rabies or something.
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Comments (44)
barfgirl 0
bahaha too funny!!!!
beepelati 5
don't worry OP, mice are pretty scary to everyone.
jlowder2 0
just remember...the mouse is more scared of you than you are of him....actually, in this case I dont think that is correct.
rawrlily 0
fail
itschris 0
what is it with you people and rats wth if you live in a bad neighborhood like paterson youd have to get used to it wth
xXxIracebethxXx 14
Proper grammar is your friend.
eean 0
If it was a mouse..... then yike. Don't be ashamed of yelping if your holding a mouse by its tail accidentally. It could give you rabies or something.
Spac3Ghost 0
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! fail man =) this should be a FML for your wife!!!! shaaaaame
whataloadofbull 0
ew you puss wuss
Segun24 0
This should be a MLIA, not a FML xD
24788 7
At least your cats were there to protect you.
Str8Black 0
Lamar loser
perdix 31
I'd call you a pussy, but then I remembered that ******* stalk, kill and devour mice. But now that your wife woke up, maybe you should play with the pussy that is appropriate for a 26-year-old man ;)
Kira_fml 0
I hope you die, you ******* moron.
insertnameherr 11
yucky!