The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

By Anonymous - 13/12/2014 20:21 - United States

Today, after months of saving, I went to buy the wedding ring I promised to buy my fiancée. Just seconds after I walked in, the owner asked me to leave, saying he doesn't serve "trash" like me, while pointing at the memorial tattoo on the back of my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 898

You deserved it 3 761

Lonesome tonight?

By sad and ugly - 31/12/2021 04:58

Today, I really want to punch whoever says women have no problem getting laid. It’s been so long since I’ve felt the touch of another human, I actually considered hiring a male prostitute just so I can be in a man’s arms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 646

You deserved it 427

Sick of it

By Anonymous - 31/07/2024 14:00

Today, my entire workforce downed tools today until I fire our new Human Resources rep, who in only a few weeks has made the workplace miserable and frustrating, and has increased sick leave by 48% due to the 'Can’t Deal With Her Bullshit' Virus. I can’t fire her; she’s the owner's mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 564

You deserved it 126

You what now?

By Anonymous - 30/08/2013 16:14 - United States - Redmond

Today, I got home from work a little late due to bad traffic. My wife kissed me, then flew into a rage and swore that I had the taste of penis on my lips, accusing me of cheating on her with a guy. Apparently she got this insane "test your man" idea from some Cosmo-type magazine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 203

You deserved it 3 292

By Anonymous - 27/10/2011 19:54 - Denmark

Today, I realized that trying to fit in with my crush's social circle by acting like one of the lads was a waste of time. All he does is high-five me all the time and tell me every little detail of his latest one night stands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 403

You deserved it 28 079

Jason is a big wuss

By Jason McGinnis - 11/12/2021 07:39

Today, something bad happened and I posted an FML, only to have a caption with a judgemental comment thrown on the top by some desk jockey asshat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 295

You deserved it 954

By MereLewis95 - 26/10/2011 08:58 - United Kingdom

Today, my mother called me urgently from the kitchen. Thinking she was hurt, I ran to her as fast as possible. She threw a wet cloth at my head and ran away, laughing her face off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 477

You deserved it 4 541

Do as I say, not as I do

By Anonymous - 02/10/2020 14:01 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, once again, my family had a loud conversation over the television show I was quietly watching. Ironically, the moment they watch something they like, even if it's a re-run episode, you have to be quiet or you'll be called a monster. Simply say "Hi" and they'll pause the TV to look at you like an annoyance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 953

You deserved it 124

By fucking moron - 09/12/2014 09:39 - United States - Mount Holly

Today, while fasting for a medical test, my blood sugar became so low that I had heart palpitations and passed out. My doctor's advice? Fast, so he can run more tests. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 287

You deserved it 2 877

By Emily - 21/09/2012 01:39 - United States - Mission Viejo

Today, my friend posted my phone number all over the Internet, claiming I was a deranged stalker who prank called her. I was calling from my new number to give it to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 198

You deserved it 2 032

David Lee Roth approves

By SNBBFF - 25/10/2011 07:10 - United States

Today, it was my birthday. We had a huge family dinner and everyone was invited, including my boyfriend. My family is kind of stuck-up, so I was very nervous about him meeting them. He got into an argument with my uncle over how "awesome" Van Halen is, and ignored me all night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 931

You deserved it 4 326

Showered

By stew - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, it took me more than four hours to set up the back yard for my daughter's baby shower. It only took my husband one push of a button to turn on the sprinklers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 553

You deserved it 3 985

Mixed feelings

By What - 16/03/2023 04:00 - United States

Today, I somehow have both crippling depression and a fear of death. Please end me, but don't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 749

You deserved it 130

Assumptions

By Anonymous - 07/01/2010 21:44 - United States

Today, while in class, I noticed that someone had really bad B.O. I was seated next to an extremely ill-mannered girl, so I figured it was her, and thought to myself that if it happened again, I'd tell her off. Once I got home and took off my jacket, I realized it was me. I forgot to put on deodorant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 981

You deserved it 45 486

Clown World

By sweetsixteen - 22/06/2009 18:23 - United States

Today, I walked into my house to find several of my friends there for a surprise sweet sixteen party my mom was throwing for me. Everything was going great until the doorbell rang and a clown walked in. My mom hired a clown for my sweet sixteen. My friends took pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 660

You deserved it 5 859

AKA taking a screenshot

By Anonymous - 05/10/2020 17:02 - United States - White Plains

Today, I was holding in pee because i was so busy at work. When I finally got up to relieve myself, I pulled down my pants, sneezed at that exact moment and peed all over the bathroom floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 129

You deserved it 403

The neverending dinner

By Anonymous - 18/03/2023 14:00

Today, I was so excited to finally try a new recipe that I found online. After hours of prep, I realized I misread the serving size and ended up cooking enough food to feed a small army. I don't have a freezer and I live in the middle of nowhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 663

You deserved it 625

Wrong way down a one-way street

By hello higher premiums, fuckwad - 25/08/2013 16:23 - Canada - Montréal

Today, I was driving down a one-way street, when some raging dumbass came screaming the wrong way down the road at me. My instant reaction was to brake and give the guy a chance to do the same. His instant reaction was to keep going and wreck my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 087

You deserved it 3 087

By dearbailee - 18/09/2012 14:04 - United States

Today, I was on a train. An elderly woman and her daughter got on, looking for a seat. The daughter suggested the one next to mine. The elderly woman looked at me and said something in Russian. I speak some Russian. She said she didn't want to "sit by the hooker." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 932

You deserved it 4 115

Jim Henson lives

By Anonymous - 20/04/2009 17:55 - United States

Today, I was at the gynecologist and he was performing a routine check-up. He was a new doctor and I was just slightly uncomfortable with him. About mid-check-up, as he felt around my uterus, he said in a cartoonish voice, "Oh, it's so squishy up here." The doctor turned me into a sock puppet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 500

You deserved it 5 133

Thanks for the support!

By Anonymous - 05/10/2020 23:01 - United States

Today, I told my mom that I struggle with depression. She then told me that she thinks that I always seem to suck the life out of a room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 227

You deserved it 250

Man meat

By Anonymous - 13/01/2022 14:01

Today, I discovered my boyfriend gets lunch every day at Burger King. I confronted him, and he broke up with me. Apparently, he only pretended to be vegan like me to get in my pants, and now the jig is up he dumped me so he can return to having meat at all three meals of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 794

You deserved it 1 884

Toxic positivity

By You're* a bunch of idiots - 20/03/2023 14:00 - United States

Today, my school's student council has started putting random positive messages on people's lockers. I'd like to be happy about it, but my inner Grammar Nazi is pissed because they've mixed up "your" and "you're" on so many of them. I just want to take a sharpie and correct them all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 789

You deserved it 180

Migraine-inducing FML

By myheadhurts - 21/06/2009 07:09 - United States

Today, I came home from an amazing cruise to find that my house broken into. My best friend apparently decided to invite her drug-addicted friends into my home while I was away, where they stole 172$ and my migraine pills, which are non-refillable. I now have a migraine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 312

You deserved it 5 428

Nice "friend" you've got there

By jwhizzle - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I found my "lost" bicycle in my best friend's garage. I've been having to catch two buses to get to work for the past few months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 714

You deserved it 3 099

Ungrateful

By Anonymous - 12/10/2020 14:08

Today, my three-year-old told me he hates me cause I’m mean because I wouldn’t give him another cupcake. Now he is calling his grandma his new mommy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 126

You deserved it 182

A cute Christmas Eve story

By EpicOracle - 24/12/2021 23:01 - United Kingdom - Gloucester

Today, I realised I'm tired of the bossy attitude exuded by the woman who I once believed was my soulmate. Tonight might just be the last night we'd sleep on same bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 023

You deserved it 214

Third on the podium

By Anonymous - 25/03/2023 02:00 - Pakistan

Today, my parents told me that they had planned two kids (my older siblings) and I was born because my father "thought" that he was wearing a condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 202

You deserved it 153

By Loser - 21/08/2013 15:17 - United States

Today, I got my girlfriend to play Smash Bros Brawl with me. As it was her first time, I set up handicaps to give her at least a shot at winning. She won, quite handily. A little irritated at this, I took off the handicaps and tried again. She beat me even faster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 753

You deserved it 26 319

By Anonymous - 19/06/2009 19:00 - United States

Today, I had a job interview. I have a nervous tendency to rub my foot against the bar under the table. After the interview, I noticed I had been rubbing my foot against the interviewer's leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 492

You deserved it 39 359

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Health Insects Painful Friends Pranks Garden Technology Geek Weird Animals Cute Miscellaneous Birthday Awkward Cake Scary Birds Drunk Embarrassing Roommate Clumsy Mysterious Clothes Work Cats Smartphone Transportation Poopoo peepee Neighbours Noise

The Top

Today, I walked in on my son flopping around on the floor with a blanket wrapped around his legs. Apparently at age 22, he'd rather pretend to be a mermaid than go out and get a damn job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 892

You deserved it 2 470

Today, my grandma and I went shopping. When I picked up some shower gel, she started ranting in front of everyone that shower gel injures one's "lady parts" and causes infertility, and that she wants me to give her great-grandchildren. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 520

You deserved it 1 783

Today, my husband refused to let our 7-week-old daughter have a pacifier, because he doesn't want her growing up to be a "whore." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 863

You deserved it 4 886

Today, a woman slipped on the ice in front of me. Instinctively, I caught her before she fell. Instead of thanking me, she whirled around and asked me if my *expletive* mother had taught me to grope women inappropriately. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 546

You deserved it 2 739

Today, my girlfriend of two years called me, drunk, telling me how much anal sex hurts with some other guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 565

You deserved it 2 745

Today, I work for a boss who does everything he can to singlehandedly ruin our company and drive us into the ground. I just got an e-mail from him saying I need to be a more positive and energetic role-model for our team. Pot… meet Kettle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 341

You deserved it 2 470