Today, my 2-year-old daughter overheard my wife and I arguing and fixated on one particular insult my wife threw at me. Now my daughter won't stop saying "Daddy a numbnuts", always with a big smile on her face. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my two year old girl said "motherfucker". Everyone laughed, even her grandparents. Our family is insane. FML
Today, my toddler started running around the house yelling, "Daddy said a bad word!" over and over again. I don't even know what I allegedly said, but now my wife is giving me the "we need to talk" look. FML
Today, my two year old daughter did not want to leave the toy store, when I picked her up she started screaming at the top of her lungs, "YOU'RE NOT MY DADDY!". FML
Today, my daughter told me that she liked her "other daddy" better. I don't know who's she talking about, but my wife is doing a good job telling her to be quiet. FML
Today, my husband and I sat our 10-year-old daughter down for a chat over her recent cursing. When my husband asked where she'd heard the words, she "innocently" replied, "from mommy's other boyfriend." He took her seriously, accused me of cheating, and hasn't been home since. FML
Today, I overheard my 5 year old daughter call a girl in her dance class a slut. Shocked, I asked her where she heard that word. Her response: "I heard you and Daddy say it about her Mommy." FML
Today, my husband was getting undressed. I told my 2-year-old daughter not to go in our bedroom because he was undressing in there. I turned my back and she instantly ran off to my bedroom. I heard her shout "I can see daddy's tail!" Now, she points to everyone's crotch and shouts "TAIL!" FML
Today, my 4 year-old daughter got royally annoyed at my uncle who won't stop surprise tickling her by poking her waist. When he went for another, she punched him square on the nose, making him a laughing stock. Not accepting that he got owned, he started preaching about child discipline to me. FML
Today, as I was taking my three year-old daughter home from daycare, she asked where her daddy was. I tried to tell her that I was her father, but she answered, "No, not you! My other daddy!" I've got some talking to do tonight. FML
Today, my 4 year-old daughter's favorite expression became "shit balls." FML
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Top comments
RarityRoyale 17
At least numbnuts is a pretty tame insult compared to some of the things she could be calling you...
PantyGAMES 10
I'm actually somewhat disappointed that this just ended with numbnuts. Your wife needs to work on her insults.
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Comments (37)
RarityRoyale 17
At least numbnuts is a pretty tame insult compared to some of the things she could be calling you...
alonur 6
Should? You don't know anything about that argument or their whole relationship, maybe she's the bitch. So don't make assumptions, numbnuts
PantyGAMES 10
He said COULD, not SHOULD. And at this point, I feel like I could AND should call you numbnuts, numbnuts.
jesustitts 20
10. Ding bat.
mFUNdo21 17
I think you SHOULD read properly. and by doing so COULD avoid down votes.
9echo 17
OP you need to work on your wife and kid... at this rate they'll swear like little girls all their life.
Corrupt_waffles 13
I love how 10 is assuming things.
fortune789 17
Whoa bro. Calm your ****.
jairienfaite 20
I am sure it sound excessively cute coming from a young kid. On a brither note, OP and his beloved one should see that as an opportunity to sit down and evaluate their relationship and maybe have a good laught about themselves!
PantyGAMES 10
I'm actually somewhat disappointed that this just ended with numbnuts. Your wife needs to work on her insults.
DocBastard 40
You were arguing about her calling you "numbnuts"? I'd laugh my ass off if Mrs. Bastard called me that. You must really be a numbnuts to argue over something that stupid. I hope you were actually arguing over something important, like money or leaving the toilet seat up.
thewife5 19
No... They were already arguing and the wife then called him numbnuts... And now the child has picked up on the insult, most likely starting another fight
Kibaruto 33
Sorry Doc, this is one diagnosis that you misinterpreted.
DocBastard 40
That's exactly why I said I hope they were actually arguing about other things.
imabassist 23
At least she only says dumbnuts.
imabassist 23
*numbnuts
ElizabethNL93 20
I totally envisioned a much more graphic insult, only to be disappointed by the term "numbnuts".
jw90 18
Could be worse OP, but you and your wife need to work on not arguing when your child is around.
Jeffo193 13
She could be calling you a ****. This is obviously not an ideal situation but it could be much, much worse...
loveseat14 11
Atta-girl
ballerboy20 8
hopefully she wasnt insulting your *performance*. if thats the case good insult and im sorry
victoriaescobar 10
Your wife is a numbnuts for her lack of good insults.