Today, I was making out with my girlfriend, and after a while, she moved her hand down to my crotch. She felt my erection, then got up and yelled at me, calling me a horny pig for "assuming we were going to have sex." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend screamed that I was a "filthy, sex-crazed pig-man" because I grabbed her ass. We were in her house, alone, and she was in the middle of giving me a long, deep kiss after I'd gotten off work. FML
Today, I woke up from a wet dream. My girlfriend quickly figured it out and bitched me out for having one when she was "right there" for me to ask for sex. Logic failure aside, the last time I flirted with her, she called me a sex-obsessed pig and didn't talk to me for three days. FML
Today, my girlfriend came over to my house. Hoping to get a little action, I started to make out with her. Unfortunately I was wearing basketball shorts so when I got an erection, all she did was bat it back forth like a cat toy. FML
Today, my normally-prudish girlfriend grabbed my crotch and said, "I want you to fuck me like I've never been fucked." I obliged. She loved it, until after we'd finished, when she decided that she felt "cheap, gross, and used" and started a huge fight. FML
Today, a "friend" mentioned that my husband was "yummy", then asked if she could "have a turn" with him. I left and went home, outraged. When I told my husband, he couldn't conceal his stupid horny grin, and immediately tried to initiate sex. Pig. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were going to get intimate, so I masturbated before leaving my place, hoping it would help me last longer than usual. 10 minutes in, she shoved me off and started screaming at me, convinced that I've been cheating on her and practising with someone else. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend for the first time, and she reached down to feel me up. When her hands got there, she stopped and said, "You're not even hard..." I was. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend, and things started getting pretty hot. That is, until I tried to remove her shirt. Somehow, I managed to grab her pajama shorts and give her a violent wedgie. FML
Today, my girl came home and said, "I'm gonna jump in the shower, I'm horny as fuck." Naturally, I assumed that was an invitation, so I lit some candles quickly and hopped on the bed, waiting for her. She got out, looked at me funny and said, "The fuck are you doing? I want to masturbate. Get out." FML
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Top comments
6tori6 5
yet she is the one who put her hand down your crotch...
HandaPitler 1
Women, usually assuming we want to have sex just because we have a boner. i feel your pain op. my ex was the exact same way
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Comments (140)
manaallovesfmls 19
FYL man, dump her because she's totally not worth it. And first!
HandaPitler 1
Women, usually assuming we want to have sex just because we have a boner. i feel your pain op. my ex was the exact same way
dancinwookie 21
The spontaneous boner...sometimes a mystery to us girls, always embarrassing for you boys.
kryxen 14
Spontaneous?!? They were making out! Of course he got a boner. If a guy doesn't get a boner from making out with you, that's when you should be pissed!
guckylynn 19
Some women clearly have no idea how the body works. Most (hopefully) know that you're not assuming sex is going to happen every time you become erect.
MrBrightside21 20
I try to avoid any woman as much as possible because I know it leads to an unwanted boner. It's all fun and games 'til your step sister bends over at your 4 year old's cousin's birthday party.
Enslaved 38
Don't fool yourself. If the OP didn't have an erection she'd then be offended that he wasn't turned on by her. Go figure!
dwc2134 5
You're not, but your body is. Totally different things. Sure, sex would be great after making out, but having an erection doesn't mean we assume it's going to happen. The body is just responding to stimuli.
misataylor86 10
There are plenty of women who don't think that you just want sex because of an erection from making out.. It would also be something wrong if she didn't get turned on by making out.
WrongRomance 11
What an ignorant girlfriend you have XD She isn't very understanding, either.
Corrupt_waffles 13
44- Personally (oh no, too much information time) it always makes me have butterflies when I notice my boyfriend get hard when we make out. I take it as a flattery that all I have to do is kiss him. It makes me feel powerful. I think if OP's girlfriend is too immature to handle what physical stimulus does to men then she shouldn't be dating.
AKGirlinSD 20
80, you're right on point. It's s lose-lose situation for the boyfriend because his girlfriend seems such as a person who would easily flip out. Good luck, OP!
r_bruce69 19
132, he's in a relationship with a woman. His life is a lose-lose situation. Nah but really, she's pretty dumb. I couldn't tolerate that.
israelnotjacob 20
Wow she's a complete moron so you're better off dumping her stupid ass anyway. Does she seriously think that a man getting an erection necessarily means he intends on having full out sex? Besides, why the hell was she feeling down there if she was going to get mad if he had one? Even if she just wanted to fool around a woman doesn't feel down there if she doesn't want the guy to get hard.
dancinwookie 21
#130- I was just referring to how they sometimes happen without cause, especially to teenage boys sitting in class. Also, there's no such thing as too much information on the internet. Harley gets turned on just by looking at me. He can't touch me without getting one, so cuddling is hard^2...that's an FML right there for you.
amifaiyaz 12
Wanting sex with your gf is something negative? Good luck op.
Crabtree1015 12
you're hot!
PizzaRollsss 5
^ The thirst
TheNewGuy03 29
Certainly feels like things are taking a turn for the worse. Apparently, sex is taboo to some couples (which it shouldn't be, but that's just me). And to top it all off, it's *completely* her doing. She should start to worry when he's getting erections from other women.
GoodLookingGeese 10
STOP raping this poor bear!
fml121785 14
I think she should have been upset if he DIDN'T have a hard on! She should be happy that she arouses him that much just by making out with him. I also have a feeling that OP and especially his girlfriend are pretty young. She must not know that those little guys have a mind of their own most of the time!
picante72 24
She didn't want the D :(
6tori6 5
yet she is the one who put her hand down your crotch...
daniel_dd31 13
How dare you get an erection! Control yourself for gods sake.
HaneenDixon 16
After reading this fml, I was so confused, all I can think was "what? (Ó_ò)_/`.."
Bubbelz 25
"I feel your erection in my hand, you PERV!"
Pstraka6 20
Bingo #4
luckyd880 12
I'll bet if you didn't have one she would be equally as pissed "why aren't you turned on?!? are you not attracted to me?!?!" Women :) gotta love us!
AninOnin 24
Don't worry. Not all women are crazy.
oicu812xD 16
not all women...just the ones mentioned in fmls
SerpentBoy 8
If you're gonna kick the tires, you better take it for a ride....
Gothyx 3
102 & 114 - All women are crazy... Just not that crazy.
Tiger9099 11
Right that makes complete sense, not.
vampirapaige 11
Yes BINGO
ReepingHavoc 13
I believe she's the one assuming.
WrongRomance 11
At least she isn't askin' all dem questions.
chlorinegreen 27
Maybe she should be asking questions
ironhead_fml 20
Hell! She was the one that grabbed your slong!
MetallicaFTW 16
*Shlong
evan_7899 28
yes i noticed that also...
LuckBeNimble 19
or schlong* :D
jellydoughnut41 7
I'm pretty sure that's hard to control...
TheDeafWalrus 8
That donut... Looks so good.
easyprey 8
That donut is giving me something that's hard to control... My appetite.
TheElBurrrito 21
Something was definitely hard.
ajeppsen 25
Than donuts gave me an erection.
ajeppsen 25
Sorry, *that, *donut.
challan 19
IP, I bet she would have been upset if you weren't sportin' wood. She would have yelled at you for not being attracted to her. Sometimes you just can't win.
HiIAmKevin 8
OP is a male...of course he will "never win". Sorry to my fellow fellas...you know it's true! One does not simply "win".
easyprey 8
I agree completely #61. Guys can never win an argument against a woman, we can only choose how it's lost... Now or after you look like an idiot for trying.
challan 19
That's not a true or fair statement. Some women you can never win with... Some men you can never win with. Its the person, not the sex. We are not all like that.
viper07 2
Yeah, you're right 78.....you win
fdupagain 11
Even when we're wrong, we're right!
WrongRomance 11
I agree 78, not all women are hard to deal with. Some men are hard to deal with too, I've dated one XD Everything was my fault and he said he wasn't going to let me "push him around."
misspulkadot24 17
I like when my boyfriend has an erection. It's like a conformation that he is enjoying me as much as I am enjoying him. Your girlfriend is a little full of herself if she thinks every time a guy gets a boner he's planning on ******* her.
alunamoon 7
I think you mean confirmation.
Ayeasha 7
30 it could be a typo, I and o are close together and I do that too, sometimes.
misspulkadot24 17
O di mean confirmation. I and O are tii clise tigether.
starw0lf 31
The girlfriend needs to learn that isn't within your control. She's got some growing up to do.