The Top

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Workaholic

By Anonymous - 03/04/2023 18:00

Today, on our honeymoon, I found out my husband brought his work laptop with him. We were supposed to go scuba diving but he skipped it for virtual meetings, then sat on his laptop until 2 a.m. He then had the nerve to be confused about why I’m mad at him and just want to go home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 143

You deserved it 152

Cymru!

By gingerbetty - 04/09/2012 07:54 - United Kingdom - Swansea

Today, my fiancé and I were having sex. I've been secretly taking Welsh lessons as a surprise for him, so when I was getting close, I whispered the Welsh for "Don't stop." He pulled out and accused me of cheating on him with his best friend. He won't believe anything else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 231

You deserved it 4 732

By philderichmond - 14/06/2009 02:24 - United States

Today, I met a cute girl at a dance club. I entered her number in my phone just before she left the club. With a proud smile, I turned the screen towards my buddy, showing off my accomplishment. Attempting to give me a friendly pat he accidentally closed my phone. I hadn't saved the number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 174

You deserved it 17 593

Don't have fun without me

By torri - 09/01/2022 11:01 - United States

Today, on my friend's birthday, I met a guy I really liked at a club, and he asked me to go home with him. At 2 a.m., my friend called but I missed her calls. When I woke up, she'd texted me pictures of all my things that I had at her place thrown outside in the snow. All because I didn’t go home with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 664

You deserved it 1 293

Get on with it!

By Anonymous - 15/11/2014 15:23 - Australia

Today, while driving to my daughter's wedding, the person behind us kept laying on her horn and yelling every time I stopped for a red light. That person was my wife. Sadly I'm too whipped to stand up to her and spent the whole drive pretending not to hear my passengers snickering at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 425

You deserved it 8 508

Digger blues

By Anonymous - 05/02/2022 06:00

Today, thanks to my husband's obsession with needing a massive garage built instead of a bog standard garden shed, we dug up some Roman building last week, and our garden is now swarming with archaeologists banging on about history and ruining my weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 551

You deserved it 1 190

By ROBERT - 08/08/2013 18:52 - United States - Cresskill

Today, I actually had to explain to two of my friends that neither Alaska nor Nebraska are in Canada. I think I need new friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 991

You deserved it 5 331

By thatgirl17 - 31/08/2012 05:23 - United States

Today, I was working the cash register. While helping a customer with her groceries, my bra snapped. I then had to ask my male boss if I could staple it back together. Thirty minutes later it snapped again. I then had to explain to my boss that I was too broke to buy a new one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 246

You deserved it 2 509

By Anonymous - 04/10/2011 21:08 - United Kingdom

Today, my younger cousin bought his girlfriend of 3 months a bunch of flowers. The only flower I've ever got from my boyfriend of 3 years is a plastic one he found on the floor in a bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 519

You deserved it 4 475

Flavor of the month

By potpurri_needed - 10/06/2009 17:37 - United States

Today, I was doing the laundry but couldn't tell if one basket contained dirty clothes or clean clothes. I put my head down into the basket and took a whiff to check, and smelled something strong. I looked down and noticed I had shoved my nose into my mother's dirty panties and inhaled deeply. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 205

You deserved it 61 018

By TooFast - 20/07/2019 18:00 - Australia - Mount Druitt

Today, after being promised a job and attending five full days of training and induction for a job as a bicycle delivery officer, I was denied the job at the very end of the last day for, "riding my bicycle too quickly on the road." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 877

You deserved it 177

Get your cats fixed

By Anonymous - 11/04/2023 12:00 - Germany - Buchholz in der Nordheide

Today, my cat is shedding her winter fur, so wherever she goes she leaves a cloud of fluff behind. She is also in heat for the first time, so I have to keep her inside – just to make sure that my nice, clean house doesn’t miss out on even a single one of her precious hairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 305

You deserved it 766

Over my dead body

By Anonymous - 07/04/2026 03:00 - United States

Today, I prevented my brother from attending our sister's funeral, since they hated each other and she didn't want him there, in accordance with her wishes. Now the whole family hates me and say that I should have let him in and that sometimes, you have to go against someone's wishes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 501

You deserved it 133

Thanks, dude

By unfortunate - 09/06/2009 23:12 - United States

Today, I was late to work and couldn't get my gas tank open. Panicking, I asked the only person around to help me who happened to be a very large man. He was able to open it for me and seemed really nice. That is until he pulled out a knife and robbed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 364

You deserved it 4 251

Pumped up

By Macey Brietenback - 13/04/2023 00:00

Today, I was in the hospital. My mom was with me and the pump was beeping for over two hours because everyone was busy with other patients. The Asian doctor came in and my mom said, “THESE PUMPS SOUND LIKE CHINESE TORTURE!“ He stared at her and was like, “Umm. We don’t actually do that there.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 622

You deserved it 156

By Anonymous - 01/10/2011 02:18 - United Kingdom

Today, I was confronted by my father after I got back home from a party in the early hours. He demanded to know if I'd been doing any drugs, and then decided to give me a scare lecture on the dangers of alcohol. I'd had a few beers. He had the smell of tequila on his breath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 146

You deserved it 5 096

By blkchkrm - 25/12/2009 00:37 - United States

Today, I decided I was going to do something nice for my parents for Christmas. So, I cleaned the entire house top to bottom, baked cookies, and made them both Christmas cards. What did I get in return? They asked me to wrap my four year old sister's presents, and let me know I got nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 954

You deserved it 2 742

By TheStressComesFree - 31/07/2013 16:47 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I was told that I have to apply to keep the job that I've held for the past two years. There are so many other applicants that it's basically a free-for-all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 292

You deserved it 3 357

By Help. - 29/09/2011 17:36 - United Kingdom

Today, my violent housemate qualified for a gun license. She picks up her bolt-action rifle on Wednesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 531

You deserved it 3 189

Work harder

By zep - 07/06/2009 11:41 - United States

Today, I was hard at work cleaning up from a party I had while my parents were out for the night. Not a bottle of beer or a red cup was left for them to find. However, my parents did find two of my friends in their bedroom, still passed out and naked from beer and sex last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 372

You deserved it 79 754

Projection

By Anonymous - 15/09/2024 22:00 - United States - Lafayette

Today, I found out why my boyfriend doesn't want me to get a full-time job, despite us needing the money. He's scared that I'll cheat on him with one of my coworkers, to get back at him for doing it a few years ago. I never knew he cheated on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 707

You deserved it 109

You hypocrite

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my mother lectured me about going to the bar too often. She did this while rolling a joint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 093

You deserved it 6 570

By Anonymous - 05/12/2010 05:09 - United States

Today, while at my mom's birthday dinner, I started to pretend to drum with one hand, using my left leg as the drums. Everybody stared at me and started to yell. Now they all think I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 391

You deserved it 11 918

Kittenblocked

By Anonymous - 04/03/2022 22:00

Today, my husband has shown more love and affection to our new kitten in the last week than he has to me. That cat sits on his lap more than I do. I’m a 26 year-old woman, I have needs, dammit. The cat is literally sitting on and blocking access to what I want most on a Friday night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 032

You deserved it 515

Friendship is magic

By Anonymous - 04/12/2010 01:09 - United States

Today, I found a schedule in my dorm room that I share with three other guys. Looking at it closer, I realized it was my schedule with notes written in all around it. My roommates have planned their entire days around mine so we won't have any interaction at all. I thought we got along great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 747

You deserved it 3 960

Cheapskate on the run

By huntbluntz95 - 18/11/2020 11:01

Today, I was at work at a coffee shop. We charge 50 cents every 15 minutes of use of our computers. An old man tried sneaking out without paying after being at a computer. As I was telling him to pay for his time, he threw a bagel at me and ran to his car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 050

You deserved it 105

Saucy surprise

By Liquor needed urgently - 22/04/2026 03:00 - The Netherlands

Today, I walked in on my daughter-in-law pegging my son, who was tied to the bed. You know, I try to be open-minded and figure they can do whatever between themselves, but maybe not in my spare room? FML

I agree, your life sucks 563

You deserved it 159

By ineedsleep - 30/10/2014 14:15 - Finland - J?rvenp

Today, I found out that there's a very loud and frisky couple living above my bedroom, and a family with a crying baby living above my living room. At this rate, I'll end up sleeping in the bathtub in my own home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 727

You deserved it 2 755

By jpmetz - 26/09/2011 04:29 - United States

Today, my credit card got blocked. Apparently, my bank thinks buying a $130 flat iron online is suspicious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 815

You deserved it 6 018

By Agata - 21/12/2009 16:15 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years announced that he is not ready for marriage, and won’t be for 'at least' another 2 years. Of course he waited to tell me this 2 days after he had proposed to me in front of hundreds of people, I said yes, and we announced it to all our family members and friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 275

You deserved it 2 892

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The Top

Today, my husband got a vasectomy. My mother-in-law is extremely upset that he only gave her one grandson. Guess my other son doesn't count. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 805

You deserved it 1 677

Today, my first date consisted of him and me in the emergency room of the hospital after his little brother hit me in the face with a baseball bat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 117

You deserved it 2 012

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Instead of having breakup sex, she tidied my room. She said it gave her more pleasure than any time we'd ever had sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 149

You deserved it 14 032

Today, after explicitly telling everyone we know that we were having a date night to ourselves, my wife’s sister turned up at our house because she “heard you were all by yourselves without the kids so I thought I’d come over to keep you company.” Never a fucking moment to ourselves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 842

You deserved it 202

Today, I had to pay an exorbitant fee to get my drain unblocked. It turns out it was about a million condoms. My son just got his first serious girlfriend and apparently instead of throwing them in the bin, he flushes their used condoms down the toilet. I’m gonna kill him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 653

You deserved it 251

Today, I tried to give myself a pep talk in the bathroom mirror at work, just like Saul Goodman in Better Call Saul does. Just as I said, "You got this," someone walked in and gave me a very concerned look. Now I’m the "motivational mirror person" in the office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 225

You deserved it 314