Today, I had a dream in which I was being mugged. I started fighting the muggers off, while in reality, my fist smacked my wife in the face. Now she has a black eye, nobody believes my story, and they think I'm a wife beater. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up with a black eye. Why? My husband was having a dream where he was fighting somebody and wound up punching me in the face in his sleep. I had a very important job interview this morning. FML
Today, I had a dream in which I was arguing with my mom. In the dream, she threatened to hit me, and I told her I'd do it myself. I reared back and knocked the crap out of myself. I'm awake now, and my jaw still hurts. FML
Today, my husband smacked me quite hard, and I have a black eye as a result. It's not a case of a domestic abuse, it was 100% unintended because he was sleeping and had a really bad dream that made him swing his arm. He's feeling bad about it, and I would laugh it off, but I have an important meeting tonight. FML
Today, I woke up after my pregnant fiancée punched me in the face. Apparently, I rolled over in my sleep and knocked her out of bed. She is still pissed about it. FML
Today, I saw a woman being mugged. I ran up to help and pushed the guy off of her. She then punched me in the face and called the cops because she was, "just living out a fantasy" and I'm, "a lunatic for trying to help." FML
Today, I accidentally gave myself a black eye. I would laugh about it if my friends didn't start suspecting that my husband is abusing me, and won't listen when I try to explain what really happened. FML
Today, while having a bad dream, I went to punch a bully in the face. Mid-swing I wake up and punch the solid concrete wall to my basement bedroom FML
Today, during a major argument with my girlfriend, I shoved a door open, which then rebounded and hit me in the face. I'm not sure which is more pathetic: that I was savaged by a door, or that I made up a story about kicking a mugger's ass to explain the huge black eye to my coworkers. FML
Today, I woke up with a pounding headache. My wife tells me that last night I woke up from a nightmare, screaming, tried to run away, and knocked myself out running headfirst into the bedroom wall. So she put me back to bed and went back to sleep. FML
Today, I woke up with a headache and a bruised forehead after my husband full-force elbowed me in the head last night in his sleep. It wouldn't be so bad, except for the fact he has zero memory of doing it. FML
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Top comments
Olympiakos10 15
Atleast you didn't stab the muggers in your dream ;]
ty7in_topic 31
Why doesn't your wife tell them that your story's true OP. I'm sure they'll believe the story if she says it.
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Comments (99)
Olympiakos10 15
Atleast you didn't stab the muggers in your dream ;]
greenmen 12
Dream on
caohm 18
imma let you finish but Chris brown was the worst wife beater of all time
hcollins1 18
I'd be more worried that he's sleeping with a knife by the bed!
CommanderCman1 15
It's a good thing that OP doesn't carry a concealed carry weapon in case of muggers
Macross_fml 4
with what？ ：）
TheCanucklehead 22
#26 imma let YOU finish in a minute because that was the worst comment of all time. Who am I kidding. No one wants to see that comment finish
austinj776 3
damn it bobby brown
ty7in_topic 31
Why doesn't your wife tell them that your story's true OP. I'm sure they'll believe the story if she says it.
strapper88 6
People probably wouldn't believe the wife's story due to the age old 'fell into the corner of a door' story.
geekchick88 17
Chances are, people would just assume that the wife is trapped in an abusive relationship and defending her abuser. Such is the society in which we live.
rapunzel3416 28
This happened to me with my ex boyfriend except I got a busted lip rather than a black eye. To save him the trouble of explaining when it was just an accident I said my dog jumped on me in the middle of the night. Even though he hit me in his sleep I didn't want people questioning it. It saved a lot of trouble.
GwylaFelidae 7
My S.O. flails in his sleep, often waking me up with an elbow in my face. Once, he actually punched me in the groin. He's never left a mark, of which I am grateful.
lwonderful 11
People would probably think she's being forced to lie. Unfortunate, but true. You can never be too careful though
zed34 18
I hate "realistic" dreams.
ViRepz 28
Even if they are "wet".
ViRepz 28
Nothing wrong with finding yourself attractive.
bigpops 12
you just took all the fun out of it...
cristy91 33
Self-love is a forever and ever kind of love
Blink_me26 21
I hear about people who know they're dreaming, but for me every dream is reality until I wake up. It would be cool to know you're dreaming.
iJanisch 6
Unless you're Narcissus.
Wizardo 34
Shadow boxing results in injuries OP. Next time get your wife to tie you down in bed with fuzzy handcuffs...
AnOriginalName 19
And immobilize OP so he can't fight off the muggers? I've never heard of a worse idea!
cottoncandymango 17
Chris Brown, is that you?
lagrimae 9
I did that to my husband once, but I happened to elbow him in the face while we were sleeping.
Caitie_kid 8
I totally get this. My hubby has night terrors as a side effect that never went away from a medication he used to take. I have to wake him up all the time while he's thrashing around.
obey_clarence 18
Did his friends believe you?
thatgirlincali 13
Lucid dream = worst dream ever
ty7in_topic 31
I wouldn't call this a lucid dream because in lucid dreams you can control whatever happens in the dream.
thatgirlincali 13
I realized this after time was up. But thank you.(:
Roughlife28 7
Technically you are a wife beater.
CallMeMcFeelii 14
I used to be a wife beater type of guy, but then I realized sleeveless was the way to go. I now only break out my wife beaters on certain occasions.
CrazyShytHappens 4
I was gonna downvote this until I read the whole comment. I see what you did there!
ShyAnn29 15
8, how is OP technically a wife beater? It was a dream he had, I forget what the name of it is, but it is some kind of sleeping disorder
lwonderful 11
I was going to give this comment a thumbs down. But I get it now. I see what y'all did there
SpotDog 11
At least your wife knows that you will defend attacks on you and yours!
cynthieee__ 8
Least you didn't shoot them
swordidfate 13
That would only work if he went to sleep with a gun in his hand, in which case that would be a completely different problem