Today, I have been pissing blood for 2 hours, ever since some douche in a Nixon mask ran up and slugged me in the kidney. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was carefully drawing blood from a drunk who'd threatened to kill me if I hurt him, when another drunk behind me decided to take a piss on my leg. FML
Today, I got a nosebleed. For 7 hours. I ended up in the ER. FML
Today, I woke to find a pool of my own blood all over my pillow. Frantic to find the source of the blood, I rushed into the bathroom and tripped over my too-long pajama pants. Crashing to the floor face first, I broke my nose. Turns out I had just bitten my lip in the middle of the night. FML
Today, at the ripe age of 20, I spent the early hours of my morning violently vomiting blood every time I got too warm. I then had the pleasure of shitting in a plastic container for a stool sample, due to said problem, after one and half hours of sleep. FML
Today, I woke up with my face covered in blood. Turns out that yesterday at my colleague's birthday party, I got so drunk that I started yelling "Nappy time!" before falling out of my hammock and face-first onto the concrete ground. FML
Today, I ended up in the hospital for the fourth time since beginning of January due to kidney stones. FML
Today, I was diagnosed with a kidney infection; the symptoms include nausea and having to pee every five minutes. I had to walk six miles in the pouring rain to pick up the medication, peed in the woods twice, got honked at while throwing up on the road, and my boyfriend told me not to complain. FML
Today, I had a nosebleed at work after having recent surgery. As I was walking to the bathroom, I tripped and fell, sending blood splattering everywhere. My manager, who was walking by, looked at me and said, “You’re really committed to the bit.” I was too embarrassed to respond. FML
Today, I have a UTI. After taking some sample medicine my doctor gave to me, I had a lot of back pain and nausea. I also spent 6 hours in the ER with no health insurance because I thought I was urinating blood. Nope, "peeing red" is just a little side-effect my doctor forgot to inform me of. FML
Today, I strained so hard while on the toilet that I gave myself a nosebleed. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
awagh666 14
Hope you are posting this from a hospital bed. Get well soon.
alliewillie 22
Might wanna get that checked out...
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (183)
awagh666 14
Hope you are posting this from a hospital bed. Get well soon.
iEthan 5
You didn't go to the hospital the first time you noticed..? GO NOW.
13FTW 9
I'm sorry 10 but, I can't take anyone who's nickname is "Gangsta bieber" seriously.
chelseaaababyyy 17
18 - exactly what i was thinking. i read that and said, 'oh god, no'.
urdirtyolduncle 15
Great. Another Beiber whose balls havn't dropped yet. I guess holloween came early this year, OP.
13FTW 9
24, my reaction was more like "and you're proud of that shit? GTFO of America bitch!" very similar reactions though.
enonymous 9
Are we sure it's blood? It could be Kool Aid.
Daralea 21
dammit, enon! Now I just picture OP saying "Ohhhh yeeeaah" while peeing.
HowAreYouToday 34
Now I picture cool aid man pissing... -.- thanx a lot
eurostar710 11
#1 couldn't have said it better myself. Get well soon. And if you aren't at a hospital, you might want to go now. That sounds serious. Good luck man.
Bravo11 14
So Ethan is a doctor now too? If you get hard enough in the kidneys, you'll piss blood. It's obviously not normal, but also not a huge deal. No need to GO NOW. You'll be okay.
alexistheboss365 0
What Nixon said as he committed this deed. DAMN HIPPIES!!!!!
changesinme 0
Revolutionary way of donating blood will come soon one day
DocBastard 40
Bravo11 - and you ARE a doctor? According to your profile, you're 15. You don't know the first ******* thing about medicine. The reality is that urinating blood is NEVER normal, and it is potentially a huge deal because it could be a sign of a SERIOUS injury to the kidney. It isn't something that should ever be brushed off. This isn't a scratch on your knee, nitwit. He's peeing blood.
Suekoff16 3
You better be in the hospital
KruseBaby27 0
moron.
tittymagic 0
Wait, peeing blood isn't normal? Shit
soccerchicx9x 5
Except for girls........ > _
Matty1188 6
I guffawed.
TipsyHobo 7
... Wtf... why would you claim beiber? What about OP or something straight. I wouldn't laugh even if you took the name pony master, or something. Lmao
iEthan 5
Oh my god -___- thats what some fags said.. I just put for some stupid reason.
HisAngel6511 11
125- Girls don't pee blood... O_O
ScreamingTurtle 0
Of course they don't. They pee and poop butterflies.
n_epic_fail 14
That was suppose to be a secret!
angrymexican 8
Hopefully it's not for 2 hours straight
Daralea 21
if it went on for 2 hours straight that would be one hell of an impressive bladder.
Thebestman123 3
Yeah, peeing blood only happened to me after a helmet hit during football to my abdomen, doctors said it was normal and to come back in three to four days if it didn't stop.
foxman47 3
It's ok, it was Nixon. That man is allowed to do anything!
MasterE56 4
Water gate cough cough
alpaquette91 9
Brings a new meaning to water gate
ThreeSheetsGone 12
The only good that came out of Watergate was a man that calls himself Deepthroat. For some reason I feel that the name is sufficient enough for the joke.
alliewillie 22
Might wanna get that checked out...
HowAreYouToday 34
Might?! That's some serious shit! (well... Piss)
DeathBunny218 37
"NIxon's baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!"
tannerparker16 0
Maybe he has a stove fetish
BIGBOY4rmAHM 19
Dude I feel you. Nixon is ******* scary!
kidwiththeface42 7
But Nixon is not a crook!
IDontKnow10101 14
yea but he was crooked
GrammaticalNazi 2
94 - I normally don't comment on comments about comments, but I have to say, what you said there was extremely clever. Alright, I'll just go back to my corner now.
Xquisite1 28
Please see a doctor quickly. after the first bloody piss you took that should of been your first thought. There's nothing normal about peeing out blood, even a UTI can become dangerous if left untreated.
Pendragon525 0
It could be any number of problems, all of which require a doctor's care. This is not one of those things that will get better with rest & liquids...OP, please see a doctor ASAP. Remember: Houdini was injured doing his stunts many times. He didn't die from a magic trick (despite what a certain biopic would have you believe). He died, after being punched in the gut. Good luck, OP.
JinxosGirl87 0
Didn't he have an erupted appendix?
soccerchicx9x 5
110 you mean ruptured? -_-
bones_17 5
Only question is...what did you learn? Have a walking buddy :p
iam_yummylicious 12
He learned... not to be a democrat. God damn democrats...
sinjax 6
Stay away from creepers in Nixon masks?
TipsyHobo 7
Vote for Nixon, even when he isn't in the election next time. :3
BrittyBFMV 0
lolololololol I want a walking buddy.
perdix 31
At least he didn't stick you with his Tricky Dick.
jjluv456 11
I think this is the only decent comment Perdix has ever made.^^^
captainfalcon7 0
well what did he look like??