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By fordn4h - 13/12/2010 05:32 - United States

Today, my ex-girlfriend, who is obviously still in love with me, is best friends with my mom. Now every time I come home, she is over. She even spent 4 hours helping us decorate our Christmas tree, and now she is telling my little sister about our love life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 536

You deserved it 5 195

By whyyjustwhy - 09/08/2013 17:23 - Estonia - Tallinn

Today, I copied some files to my phone while borrowing my grandfather's laptop. As I selectively deleted the files from the recycle bin, I noticed some pictures, and ended up seeing way more than I wanted to of his erect penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 054

You deserved it 9 926

By rotezora - 02/09/2012 12:44 - Switzerland - Basel

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by rapping in a voicemail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 583

You deserved it 3 612

By Anonymous - 07/10/2011 19:00 - United States

Today, after we got home from the doctor's office, my mom checked the voicemail. Loud and clear, we both heard my boyfriend's break-up message. My parents had already forbidden me from dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 687

You deserved it 27 746

Festive spirit

By kingkarnie - 12/12/2010 01:55 - United States

Today, my mother called to uninvite me from Christmas, my ex-wife is going and she doesn't want it to be awkward for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 330

You deserved it 2 978

By creeped - 29/12/2009 00:50 - United States

Today, I was talking to the guy that has been in love with me for two years. He said "There is a shortage of perfect breasts in the world. It would be a shame to lose yours." He then creepily looked at me and said "It's true." Thanks, Princess Bride, for supplying creepers with material. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 764

You deserved it 4 558

By Anonymous - 06/10/2011 15:23 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend was asleep, I gave him a soft kiss and whispered how handsome and gentle he looked. His response, still asleep, was to roll over and let out a massive fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 905

You deserved it 11 318

By itsover - 11/12/2010 05:05 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via Facebook. I don't even have Facebook. My friends had to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 502

You deserved it 3 393

They **** you up, your mum and dad. They may not mean to, but they do…

By Anonymous - 09/02/2022 00:01

Today, I’m getting a very interesting demonstration of how genetics work: I have inherited all my dad’s health issues, plus those from my mom, plus a bunch of new ones that belong exclusively to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 006

You deserved it 105

Mid-life crisis

By Glenn - 08/04/2023 18:00

Today, I had to break up with my boyfriend because we’re not on the same page. He doesn’t want to get married or have kids because he “wants to enjoy his youth” and “you’re only young once, don’t waste it!” He’s 38. FML

I agree, your life sucks 870

You deserved it 232

Tales of the unexpected

By Ryuga - 11/06/2009 01:43 - United States

Today, I decided to confess my feelings to the girl I've had a crush on since the beginning of high school. We agreed to meet at Starbucks, but she was bringing a friend. I didn't care, because I just wanted to tell her how I felt. When I got there, I saw her making out with another girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 867

You deserved it 5 171

Whoops

By Anonymous - 09/12/2010 02:55 - United States

Today, I found out that even if you have to go really bad, never burst into a bathroom stall assuming that it's vacant because you don't see any legs underneath. There might be a child in there, who will scream, and whose mother will burst in and start screaming at you for being a "pedo." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 184

You deserved it 6 371

The one with the asshole friend

By Anonymous - 07/11/2020 02:01 - India

Today, after going through a surgery related to my ovaries, having a life-threatening complication during the surgery due to anesthesia, and my doctor warning me about future infertility, a friend told me that no one would marry me now, since I have stretch marks and stitches marks on my abdomen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 173

You deserved it 91

Missing

By Anon - 04/08/2013 05:36 - Australia - Perth

Today, my girlfriend's dad pulled out the chocolate-flavoured condom that went missing under the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 688

You deserved it 20 309

Double down

By Loverscry - 05/11/2014 22:02 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I forgot my library book on a bench then I got on a bus, so I got off at the next stop and walked back to get it. I arrived just in time to see some guy pick it up and hop on another bus. So now I'm not on the bus I needed, and I have to pay for the book. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 110

You deserved it 4 676

By Anonymous - 25/12/2009 06:30 - Canada

Today, I invited my boss and his family over for dinner. As usual, I bought his kids Christmas' presents, nothing too fancy though. This year, he had one more that wasn't here last year. So I just pulled something from under the tree to hand him. He opened it on the spot. It was my son's PS3. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 013

You deserved it 52 287

Happy families

By Anonymous - 12/11/2020 13:58

Today, I just found out that my mom is cheating on my dad. I went to give my dad the evidence I'd gathered, and he just said he knew, and that he’s cheating on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 435

You deserved it 152

Whatever floats your boat

By anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, I went on a first date. I didn't know that licking my neck was on the agenda. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 318

You deserved it 3 643

By Anonymous - 01/08/2013 07:36 - United States - Goodyear

Today, my girlfriend of 3 weeks gave me an ultimatum: marry her, or she kills herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 484

You deserved it 6 404

By failure - 02/11/2014 20:57 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I overheard my son mutter to himself, "If Hitler could do it to that many people, so could I..." Anyone recommend a good psychiatrist? FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 840

You deserved it 3 697

By Anonymous - 23/08/2012 07:56 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, after I requested a sick day, a very close co-worker texted her boyfriend that I'm a bitch for pretending to have the same rare illness that she recently suffered. She said it was unlikely, disrespectful and unfair that I didn't even look sick. I know this because she texted me instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 298

You deserved it 2 807

By danthecomplicate - 29/09/2011 02:28 - United States

Today, my girlfriend changed her relationship status on Facebook to 'It's Complicated' because I didn't give her my last cookie. This happens all the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 311

You deserved it 12 494

By extraflavour - 23/12/2009 20:24 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a local take-away and ordered a pizza. I watched the worker get my pizza out the oven, then wipe the pizza cutter on the trash bin to get rid of the last pizza's toppings, and then cut my pizza. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 567

You deserved it 3 203

By Anonymous - 29/07/2013 19:07 - United States

Today, I was walking home from the store when I saw my uncle. I went over and gave him a surprise hug. He grabbed my ass. He wasn't really my uncle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 591

You deserved it 21 168

By Pita - 04/12/2010 20:35 - United States

Today, I learned that the cute pet name my boyfriend has been calling me for the past month is actually an acronym for "pain in the a**". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 394

You deserved it 6 591

By Anonymous - 03/12/2010 14:41 - United States

Today, I got fired from the job I'd had for eleven years for going onto Facebook while on the clock. When I got home, I saw that my boss had updated his status, from work, to "Finally fired that bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 052

You deserved it 10 089

By chao - 22/12/2009 02:47 - United States

Today, I asked my girlfriend what she thought of us getting married some day. She said she wasn't sure about me yet and that we may want to go in different directions soon. We've been dating for three years and I had the ring in my pocket at the moment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 265

You deserved it 3 871

It's called fashion, OK? Look it up.

By Seamstressed - 09/02/2017 20:00 - Italy

Today, I was sewing a top. Due to a mistake, I had to unstitch the zipper and resew it. When I was almost done, I noticed that the zipper was upside down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 252

You deserved it 1 276

Get off my lawn!

By control your mutt! - 23/02/2022 22:00

Today, tired of people letting their dogs crap in my yard, I sprinkled an assortment of crushed peppers around my lawn as a deterrent. One dog went to do its business and had some sort of allergic reaction. Now its bitchy owner is threatening to sue me, and tried to have her daughter kick my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 048

You deserved it 425

By i suck, this i know :( - 26/07/2013 22:11 - Malawi - Blantyre

Today, I went to my father for advice. I've been seeing a wonderful girl for the past month, and I feel terrible about it, because I already have a girlfriend. He said "Kill yourself" and that if I "can't even do that right" then to get out of his house, because he disowns me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 155

You deserved it 71 768

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The Top

Today, I told my best friend she looked great in the dress she was wearing. My boyfriend overheard and is now convinced I'm a lesbian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 683

You deserved it 2 164

Today, I found out the crappy shampoo I've been borrowing from my girlfriend is actually "feminine wash." FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 728

You deserved it 33 386

Today, my husband and I were having sex in the shower while our 5-year old was sleeping. Apparently, she wasn't sleeping and she asked me what those loud noises were. I told her I was singing. Now I can't get her to stop "singing" in the shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 082

You deserved it 61 664

Today, a 100-foot maple tree fell on my house. I was inside. I was sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 789

You deserved it 122

Today, my parents wouldn't stop making fun of my shy bladder by camping out in front of the bathroom door while I’m trying to pee. As a result, I haven’t peed in 10 hours and my bladder is going to explode. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 051

You deserved it 178

Today, I woke up to a note from my wife, saying that since I spent Father's Day golfing, she booked herself a spa day, so I could take care of our 4 kids and the house like she does every day. She ignored every single one of my calls and didn't even tell me what spa she went to. What mother does that to her family? FML

I agree, your life sucks 108

You deserved it 1 565