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By Vastu - 07/02/2010 17:42 - Nepal

Today, my maid washed my PS3. Yes, with soap and water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 869

You deserved it 19 504

Vastu tells us more.

Vastu 5

Monday 8 February 2010 17:46

well. the maid cant pay because we give her 15$ PER month. and we cant deduct it because... IN rural places of Nepal , where my servant comes from, one family consists of 9/10 sons or daughters .. so that 15$ directly goes to her HUGE family.

By walllflower - 08/02/2015 19:46 - Canada - Saint Catharines

Today, I went paintballing with my siblings. Once we were done, they realised I hadn't been shot at all. They cornered me in the forest and lit me up. I have welts all over my legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 046

You deserved it 4 397

By lucas - 12/12/2011 06:38 - United States

Today, I sat on the kitchen counter in my boxers for ten minutes running my feet under hot water. Why? Because my dad thought it would be funny to superglue my feet together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 627

You deserved it 3 185

I'm fine, this is fine

By btg - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out that my girlfriend feeds her boogers to our dog. Sometimes she even makes her do tricks for them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 694

You deserved it 3 666

By Anonymous - 07/11/2012 15:44 - United States

Today, despite my pleading, my boyfriend mounted a set of bullhorns above our headboard. Guess what came crashing down on our heads at 2am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 573

You deserved it 2 536

By Charly - 05/01/2009 06:16 - France

Today, I sent a text message to this girl I've been flirting with for a while now saying "How about coffee?". To which she answered "Great idea, I'll go and make myself one right now". FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 208

You deserved it 3 397

My kingdom for a lock

By IAmJacksDeflatedHappiness - 19/10/2021 23:00

Today, I asked my family not to disturb me while I slept, as I had hit over 72 hours of insomnia. My family must have heard me say, “Come in every 20 minutes and wake me up with whatever banal shit you can think of.” I gave up when my mother-in-law decided to enter my room and start vacuuming the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 460

You deserved it 121

Culture wars

By FrustratedTutor - 21/08/2015 20:00 - United States - Andover

Today, the kid I was tutoring told me that, "Pirates were a myth. Like the Greeks and Romans." He's 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 844

You deserved it 2 839

By Kere - 03/02/2011 16:42 - Sweden

Today, my phone decided to delete all my numbers. I posted on Facebook that people should message or text me if they felt like I should have their number. I didn't get a single reply. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 907

You deserved it 6 660

By Ewwwwww - 04/02/2010 18:53 - United States

Today, I discovered that the rancid stench in my bathroom was a decaying carcass of a mouse in my toilet tank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 759

You deserved it 3 353

By Danno - 01/01/2009 18:22 - United States

Today, I was playing GTA4 and went on its fake dating site to email a girl to go on a date with. I've never had much luck with dating in real life, so I figured the game would be more kind to me. After a while I went back to check my email, and the fake girl I'd propositioned told me to get lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 937

You deserved it 7 427

Whiter shade of pale

By pinecones - 02/02/2015 14:25 - United Kingdom

Today, my coworker said that she suddenly got the shivers. I jokingly told her that it meant she must be being watched by a dead person and made stupid ghost noises. She then told me it was the anniversary of her dad's death and burst into tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 734

You deserved it 14 875

By cuppycakeslove - 07/12/2011 11:35 - United States

Today, I had to sit through chemistry class watching the kid in front of me slowly peel off the scabs on his arms, examine them, and then eat them. For an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 345

You deserved it 3 192

By fml - 02/02/2011 09:48

Today, while my boyfriend was inside me, he got a text message. He actually stopped thrusting to reply. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 110

You deserved it 6 133

By adam - 03/02/2010 20:10 - France

Today, my mom woke me up and asked if I wanted breakfast. I had passed out naked on the kitchen floor after a party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 093

You deserved it 40 732

The secret is in the taint

By Anonymous - 20/01/2023 14:00

Today, my girlfriend wants to lick my butthole. How do I respond to that? I am genuinely confused and disgusted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 913

You deserved it 539

Bad hair day

By Anonymous - 30/10/2021 13:21 - Germany - Ebersbach

Today, my 3-year-old said she wanted “hair like the dog”, so I cut it to about the same length as our pooch’s fur. Now she's crying because she didn’t realize her hair would regardlessly be less fluffy than the dog’s and she therefore ended up with “hair like a boy,” which of course she hates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 593

You deserved it 2 030

Extra chunky

By goodbyediet - 30/01/2015 11:00 - United Kingdom - Accrington

Today, I bought a small tub of coconut pieces in a bid to eat healthier snacks at work. I noticed that the chunks were a bit slimy, but thought nothing of it and kept eating. It wasn't until I reached the final few pieces that I noticed a huge black slug crawling across the bottom of the tub. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 748

You deserved it 5 749

By Anon - 09/10/2013 05:21 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I asked my friend to crop me out of her profile picture on Facebook because I look terrible in it. She responded that she wasn't going to, because it made her look better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 925

You deserved it 5 529

She has a point

By terminated - 14/01/2023 02:00

Today, one of my employees was a few minutes late without notice. I asked in the work group chat, “How are you gonna take a shift and not show up for it?” She responded with, “How are you gonna talk shit about your baby mama and then get her pregnant again?” I’ve never fired anyone so fast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 271

You deserved it 2 793

By Anonymous - 04/12/2011 05:19 - United States

Today, a man tried to rob the winery I worked at by knife-point. I managed to scare him off by throwing a bottle of wine at him. My boss fired me because I broke a $25 bottle of wine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 738

You deserved it 2 840

Bastard!

By copper - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, a cop pulled me over because there was a sign hidden behind a tree that said "No left turn". As I was getting my ticket, I watched as three cars turned left. The cop saw them, laughed, and said, "I guess you're the unlucky one." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 306

You deserved it 3 713

What's next?

By My Body Hates me - 30/07/2020 05:01

Today, I was diagnosed with a severe bladder infection that has left me in excruciating pain. A month ago, I had an ovarian cyst rupture. A few weeks before that, I badly sprained my elbow. Before that, I had the flu. I think my body is mutinying one organ system at a time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 669

You deserved it 163

By Anonymous - 04/10/2013 21:41 - United States - Romulus

Today, my psycho ex-girlfriend, who's already made two threats against my life, informed me that she now has a concealed carry permit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 561

You deserved it 3 593

By AmericanDream - 01/12/2011 05:41 - United States

Today, after recently moving to America as I've always dreamt of, I saw my first, majestic deer. My boyfriend slammed it with the rental car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 293

You deserved it 3 842

By Heyhey - 08/12/2008 08:46 - France

Today, I met someone with the same name as me for the first time ever. I'm 20 years-old; he's 97. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 486

You deserved it 4 805

By Unreality - 26/01/2011 21:26 - United States

Today, I discovered my fiancé has been telling everyone else we are just friends, yet last night he wanted me to go with him to pick up my engagement ring. I'm supposing the wedding will be a surprise to everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 073

You deserved it 3 570

By hockey9797 - 15/07/2009 19:50 - United States

Today, I was hit by a car. My sister ran to see if her phone I was carrying in my purse was okay. She screamed at me while I lay in the street because I was so dumb, and that I couldn't even watch for cars. Her screen was cracked. I had to call 911 for myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 776

You deserved it 4 030

hockey9797 tells us more.

hockey9797 0

Wednesday 15 July 2009 23:21

yeah i broke both my arm and leg on my right side and a few ribs it's not fake

By Yum - 03/12/2008 07:26 - France

Today, I realised that the steamy photos that I took with my ex a few months ago had not been erased from his father's camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 975

You deserved it 19 283

By KamiyaHaine - 02/10/2013 05:54 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I got married. The officiant of the ceremony referred to me as Amanda through my ceremony. My name is Anna. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 428

You deserved it 4 287

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The Top

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because of my drunken antics. My reaction? Pour myself a stiff drink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 628

You deserved it 56 982

Today, I invited everyone to a gig I'm playing at a bar. They closed it down just for me when I told them how many people were attending, and I spent all day setting it up. Turns out nobody showed up besides my mom, my dad, and 2 of my cousins. I still had to play 7 songs in front of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 134

You deserved it 7 018

Today, it's my birthday. With all the lockdowns and curfews, my inner introvert was looking forward to enjoying a delicious meal and a bottle or two of wine by myself. My friends had other plans, namely a surprise Zoom party. Nice thought, I'm grateful for my friends, but I hate using Zoom. It went on for three hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 938

You deserved it 283

Today, I had a job interview. I was feeling upbeat and confident I was gonna get the position, until I saw that my main qualification on my resume was being a "real n**ga" and "getting bitches and hoes 24/7." My brother had changed it as a prank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 310

You deserved it 259

Today, Facebook severely restricted my account, all because I edited a comment too many times. Apparently, all of the vile shit I see on that website every day is perfectly okay, but editing a comment is not. Some mental gymnastics right here. First world problem, I know, but very frustrating nonetheless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 391

You deserved it 169

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend has a secret video folder of lesbians kissing from movies, TV shows, and games like The Last of Us, Arcane, Georgia and Ginny, and so on. He says it’s his ASMR folder because something about lesbian kissing noises is extra relaxing and helps him sleep. Yeah, right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 294

You deserved it 140