The Top

Wow, my first FML post. It's actually a government organization, dating is prohibited because of "Conflict of Interest." We are close to the same size physically. We both wear the middle of road medium size. In all reality, its our last names on the shirt, but it still sucks.

By Username - 03/03/2010 16:34 - France

Today, I found out exactly what Ducolax stool softener is all about. Holy colon cleanse Batman! FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 095

You deserved it 25 228

Denied

By lolreturn - 16/08/2009 18:51 - United States

Today, I grabbed the nearest plastic bag in my bedroom when my boyfriend and I left for Walmart so I could return a pair of shorts. When the cashier dumped the contents of the bag onto the counter at customer service, my shorts and a used condom fell out. It was the longest return of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 621

You deserved it 55 973

Take the W

By FML - 18/01/2012 19:41 - United States

Today, I blushed when a fortune cookie said, "You have the attitude of a winner." My self esteem is that low. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 780

You deserved it 4 783

By sleeper - 02/03/2010 05:05 - France

Today, I was on the train when I fell asleep. Everything would have been fine but I was suddenly jerked awake by the very loud sound of my own fart, followed by the stares of many strangers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 338

You deserved it 6 084

By goingtothegym - 09/12/2013 01:16 - United States - Canyon Country

Today, I was accused of shoplifting because my jacket looked "too chunky". I wasn't stealing, I'm just fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 757

You deserved it 6 559

Headache

By inpain14 - 13/05/2020 05:00

Today, I learned that one of the reasons I may be getting migraines every day is because I subconsciously clench my jaw a lot due to stress. To try and have it hurt less, I’ve gone back to wearing my plastic retainer during the day, but it makes my gag reflux act up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 431

You deserved it 235

Kinky

By 9gingerface66 - 15/01/2012 06:29 - United States

Today, after finally getting up the confidence, I started talking really dirty to my boyfriend on the phone. I was getting really onto it, and he seemed to enjoy it too. Then I stopped for a second to gauge his reaction. He was snoring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 918

You deserved it 4 696

By Anonymous - 13/03/2011 19:17 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out the reason my boyfriend dumped me was because his parents don't like the fact that I go to a prestigious university. However, they're completely accepting of the drunken slob who's dating their daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 696

You deserved it 3 761

By russianfail - 04/12/2013 16:24 - United States - Dallas

Today, I'm not getting paid 400$ per month because I failed my Russian language proficiency test. Russian is my first language. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 469

You deserved it 16 721

By shitttyyyday - 14/01/2012 07:47 - United States

Today, I got my period at school. I didn't notice until a boy asked me if I'd killed someone in my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 878

You deserved it 4 390

By damnit - 03/02/2009 10:47 - United States

Today, my girlfriend asked me to get her new clothes. She's gone from a size 4 to a size 12 during our relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 632

You deserved it 13 648

Covid is so 2019

By Anonymous - 13/11/2022 18:00 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, I’m sick with COVID and got so exhausted from changing my rank, sweaty bed sheets, that I had to lie down. I then had a sudden coughing fit that made me shit my pants, right through to the freshly-changed bed, and I then burst into tears about it. I’m 34 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 256

You deserved it 179

By Anonymous - 03/12/2013 00:56 - Mexico - Distrito Federal

Today, I opened my heart to my father-in-law, telling him how he was a very good example for us and how his name would be great for our first born son, he interrupted, saying, "Cut the cheesy crap, now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 790

You deserved it 6 225

By Anonymous - 26/02/2010 11:11 - Norway

Today, I bought Plan B for the first time. Not because I had unprotected sex, but to make the cashier think someone would actually sleep with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 849

You deserved it 43 310

Alexa, play "Don't Go" by Yazoo

By Anonymous - 26/08/2021 02:01

Today, my mother broke into my emails and rejected the best job offer I’ve ever had, all because the job is on the other side of the country, and she’s a selfish bitch who doesn't want to be left completely alone, since she has no friends and our relatives don’t speak to her anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 390

You deserved it 120

By Anonymous - 14/12/2012 23:16 - United Kingdom - Bridgwater

Today, I sent an email to my boss saying I'd fixed a glitch in our mail servers. He called me later, angrily shouting that I'd done a piss-poor job of fixing it, because my email had spammed his inbox with several hundred duplicate messages. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 871

You deserved it 11 349

Queasy

By tbw - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I decided to get my ass in shape and went to the gym. I got motion-sickness on the elliptical. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 660

You deserved it 5 949

By psychedout - 10/08/2009 22:48 - United States

Today, a patient was late for a psychiatry appointment, after having missed his previous two. I am the medical student on the team that was supposed to do his assessment. I said, "You snooze, you lose." Everyone stopped and looked at me. Apparently, he missed them because he has narcolepsy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 342

You deserved it 49 485

My ears!

By epistaxis - 02/02/2009 00:43 - Australia

Today, I'm staying with my grandmother and overheard her having phone sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 456

You deserved it 2 698

By Anonymous - 29/11/2013 15:37 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I actually thought of faking my own death to get away from my girlfriend and her insane, overbearing family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 856

You deserved it 7 849

Score!

By zwillywilly - 10/08/2009 04:03 - United States

Today, I was working in a warehouse where fellow employees were kicking empty boxes around. Seeing a box, I got running distance and kicked it as hard as I could, only to look up in horror to see that I had kicked into our CEO's face. I still had both my arms up in score mode. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 574

You deserved it 50 619

By itendstonight - 09/08/2009 12:42 - Ireland

Today, it was my turn to have the trophy my baseball team won a few weeks ago. I then find out that my brother and his buddies thought it would be funny to fill the trophy up with beer, drink the beer, and then pee in it. Not only is it over 50yrs old, it stinks of pee and is due back tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 068

You deserved it 4 405

Inappropriate "joke" time

By Anonymous - 21/11/2022 10:00 - United Kingdom

Today, at work, we were talking about how Google apparently has a room full of puppies for when their employees are feeling stressed. I made a very loud joke about how we should get a room full of company prostitutes for when we feel stressed, not realizing there was a customer and my manager in the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 271

You deserved it 2 195

Sigma grindset

By TrueStory - 05/04/2024 20:00 - Pakistan

Today, my boyfriend of two years broke up with me, just because he found out I scam people for money on the internet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76

You deserved it 2 266

Ciao!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out that my wife of 5 years has decided to change everything: her job, clothes, hair style, car, and me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 667

You deserved it 3 172

Horny bonk

By horny21 - 21/02/2010 08:19 - Canada

Today, I was laying on the bed, naked, waiting for my boyfriend to come home since we haven't had sex in almost a month. Hearing him come in, I struck my sexiest pose. He walked into our room and tossed his backpack at me. Not only did we not have sex, his backpack gave me a black eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 599

You deserved it 4 052

Feu Orange

By Farty - 03/09/2021 05:01 - United States - Anchorage

Today, I found out my boyfriend keeps a car air freshener on his desk, because it "keeps my farts away from his air." FML

I agree, your life sucks 669

You deserved it 322

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The Top

Today, I found out that the only way to get my boyfriend to last more than one minute in the sack is to let him watch cartoons while we do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 707

You deserved it 4 305

Today, I was passing a building and saw a fat, ugly person inside. I started to laugh and noticed it was my reflection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 619

You deserved it 74 124

Today, I received a Christmas card from my husband’s parents and found for the 7th straight year I wasn’t included on the card. Instead they included a picture of my husband’s ex-girlfriend holding my baby. I’ve already received messages asking if he’s back together with her. No. No he’s not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 147

You deserved it 194

Today, I have to give my cat medicine to help with his constipation. He doesn't like it. On the other hand, my other cat, who isn't constipated, loves it. This may prove to be challenging. FML

I agree, your life sucks 686

You deserved it 110

Today, I sent an important email to my entire team, but I accidentally left a shopping list as the subject line. They responded with grocery items they needed. Nobody mentioned the email content. FML

I agree, your life sucks 175

You deserved it 693

Today. upon learning that I'd friend-zoned a good friend of hers, my girlfriend dumped me. I worked so hard to win her over. She told me, "Just a tip: next time, go after people who like you. Don't friend-zone them, you just may be missing out on a good person." I told her I wanted HER. She told me, "But I don't." FML

I agree, your life sucks 428

You deserved it 131