Today, at the eye doctor, they asked for my birth date for the files. My dad answered quickly, "May 28, 1994." It was embarrassing to have to correct him with "April 19, 1993." Who's May 28? Way to go dad. FML
Today, I thought it would be a smart idea to walk out on the pier while the waves were 6 feet tall. I was having fun getting "splashed" by the waves crashing over until one wave knocked me over and dragged me 20 feet across the hard concrete pier. FML
Today, at work, our new chef managed to start a grease fire. We couldn’t put it out because he managed to splash the flaming grease onto the fire extinguisher. Yes, we couldn’t put out a fire because our fire extinguisher was on fire. The fire department guys just laughed and laughed. FML
Today, I came home to find a pregnancy test in my trashcan. I live alone with my boyfriend and I'm not pregnant. FML
Today, there was a flood at my friends house. As a result, their cat shelter had to be evacuated, and my mother decided to help. I came home to 23 cats in my bedroom. I'm highly allergic. My face has now swollen up to the size of a football, and I have an important job interview tomorrow. FML
FsuesLife tells us more.
yer, I'd like to confirm that its 'soccer' ball sized my Mum knew i was allergic, but didnt realise it was that bad to #28 the Kattery is outside, theres a flood, and cats cant swim... to #17 the cats were kept on the ground floor of the house only, the cats seemed to swarm to my nice comfy bedroom, out of preference compared to the bathroom, the empty living room (re-decorating) and the locked laundry room hope this clears up any confusion/fakery claims
Today, I went to work despite having a nasty cold. I didn't call up sick because last week when I called in, my boss said I was being "unprofessional and unacceptable." My boss sent me home with a written warning today, claiming that coming to work sick was "unprofessional and unacceptable." FML
Today, my recent ex-girlfriend posted a photo of herself on Facebook. It was a picture of herself in the arms of a half-naked male stripper. She posted it on my wall. FML
Today, my mum accused me of doing heroin because some teaspoons had gone missing. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend has been cheating on me. In tears, I called my best friend and told him everything. He responded with one or two-word answers throughout, but I felt better all the same. That is, until I heard him begin to take a loud piss half-way through my sentence. FML
Today, I was late for the bus. I chased after it for 3 blocks until I realized that the bus driver was laughing at me trying to catch her. FML
Today, after we managed to find a horse that was completely healthy and problem-free, we took her home. Now she keeps getting thinner because she's stressed and scared. Of what? Of having too much space to move around in, and occasionally seeing deer. FML
Today, I'm 37 years-old and recently out of a job. As my boyfriend refuses to pay more than half the rent as long as I live here, I have no choice but to move back in with my mom, 8 hours away. My boyfriend is quite happy to pay the entire rent as soon as I'm gone. FML
Today, I forgot to clean up poop before a home inspection, so the inspector questioned me on why I had dried shit sitting on a table, with flies all over it. FML
Today, I was accused of shoplifting because my jacket looked "too chunky". I wasn't stealing, I'm just fat. FML
Today, I went without my phone all day, because my roommate moved it. Because I'd left it in the fridge. On top of a bucket of KFC. Which he ate. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He responded by asking for a blowjob. FML
Today, I jokingly asked my husband if he was going to make it to our first child's christening as there was a football match on at the same time. Without hesitating, he replied that he would just watch the recording. He meant the recording of the christening. He was serious. FML
Today, while I was walking to my car, I was mugged. Not only did they take my phone, wallet and watch, the extra few minutes taken in my journey meant that when I got to my car, I was given a parking ticket. FML
Today, I was teaching swim lessons. I got felt up by a 6 year-old boy. Three times. FML
Today, while tucking my toddler in bed and telling her I love her, she responded with, "And I love your bouncy castle belly!" I know I'm overweight, but I didn't think I was that fat. FML
Today, this girl I liked made her Facebook status "Nobody texts me anymore, message me numbers?" I commented that I texted her. She deleted it and changed it to "Nobody that I care about texts me anymore, message me numbers?" FML
Today, a cop rear-ended me. Then I received a ticket from him for driving too far under the speed limit. We were in a school zone. FML
Today, I arrived at work to find an email from the manager whom I had bought concert tickets from the night before. He said he had actually sold those tickets to someone else. He still expects to be paid. FML
Today, I'm not getting paid 400$ per month because I failed my Russian language proficiency test. Russian is my first language. FML
Today, I caught my finger in a sliding door. It made me pass out and give myself a concussion. My genetics would rather slam my face into the floor than deal with a pinched finger. FML
Today, my boss caught me playing games on the computer for 4 hours. My boss told me to feel free and continue, but to pack my stuff up and leave when I was done. FML
Today, it's my birthday. The day started with the cat waking me up at 4 a.m., going to work since I'm considered essential, then falling down the stairs while at work. I'm now limping with a bruised/swollen foot, I can't celebrate with my family because of COVID-19, and I just started my period. Happy birthday to me. FML
Taurus_ChicKa tells us more.
Oh wow, this got posted! Awesome! Thank you so much, everyone. I am better now, and am so ready for this pandemic to end. My foot was black and blue for a few days, all the way to my toes, but fortunately no broken bones. I'm walking normal again and my bosses are insisting on paying the medical bills (even though it was my own clumsy fault). :)
Today, I opened my heart to my father-in-law, telling him how he was a very good example for us and how his name would be great for our first born son, he interrupted, saying, "Cut the cheesy crap, now." FML
Today, my mom was more upset about my 67 on an Algebra test than my sister almost setting the house on fire. FML
Today, I bought $3 hair ties. I then spent the night at the emergency vet after my kitten managed to open the drawer and eat them. So today, I actually bought $1003 hair ties. FML
fishyrael tells us more.
fishyrael 29
Anyone worried, she is fine. I took her in the second I realized what she'd done. They tried to induce vomiting but she's a stubborn little thing and wasn't even affected by the procedure so they ended up having to put her under and get the hair ties out with a grabber. No surgery thankfully. She was very sleepy and wobbly after but after a nap she was back to her old hellion self. I know I could've waited to see if they would pass naturally but she's only 8 months old and hair ties can be deadly if they don't pass, and surgery would've been much more expensive and stressful for her at that point. The new hair ties are in a heavy wooden drawer that I'm certain she's not strong enough to open, unlike the light plywood desk drawer they were in before, that I am now aware she can, in fact, open.
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
