Today, my girlfriend called me and asked what I was doing. I replied, "What I'm always doing." She couldn't think of anything besides eating. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend berated me for my "lack of communication skills", all while deeply engrossed with something on her phone. FML
Today, while at dinner with my wife, she asked me what was on my mind as I stared blankly at the window. "Nothing" was interpreted as, "We are boring, and can't stand each other." FML
Today, after weeks of my girlfriend moaning that I never go anywhere, I went out with some friends. An hour in, she started blowing up my phone. When I answered it, she was screaming in rage because I wasn't home to cook dinner. FML
Today, I told my fiancée I was going to the gym. She gave me a dozen "quick, easy errands" that took me over three hours to finish. When I was done, I called her and said I was going to the gym now. She yelled, "You still haven't gone? You've been out for days! What have you been doing?" FML
Today, I made a healthy, delicious dinner. My girlfriend picked at it until it went cold, then stuck it in the fridge. Later, she devoured a giant bowl of sugary cereal, then complained all night that her stomach hurt. This happens a lot. FML
Today, I spent an hour making my favorite work lunches, then portioning them out so I could have them all week. I later came home to a pile of empty containers. My girlfriend said, "Sorry, I got the munchies. Also, can you please do the dishes?" FML
Today, my girlfriend asked me if I could love anything more than her, and if so, what. I guess "bacon" was the wrong answer. FML
Today, I asked a girl I liked what she was doing tomorrow night. She replied, "Cleaning, so nothing really." I then asked her out to dinner. She declined. FML
Today, my girlfriend of two years called me over late at night. I got excited, assuming she finally wanted sex. No, she just wanted me to make her mac and cheese and talk to her because she was ‘restless’. FML
Today, my girlfriend bitched that we spend too much money on food, and needed to start cooking to save money. I got home from work and started dinner. Halfway through, my girlfriend sighed and said, "This is taking too long, I'll order pizza." FML
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Top comments
ripgeorgecarl1n 7
Whacking?
brocept 0
would u rather her say jacking off?
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Comments (101)
joshosh420 2
whatd you expect ydi
intheboot 0
fatty
tulsafml 0
Well maybe she thinks you're fat. so stop being a bitch.
Renesaga 8
Don't feel bad. Same thing happens to me when my girlfriend asks, except she assumes I'm playing games. I'm trying to insinuate, "I'm always thinking about you," but hey, who cares?
ChibiGirl5 0
he's not nesserliy fat my boyfriend eats all the time but he's extremely skinny
rebekahah 7
well, OP, ARE you always eating? :S
docscientist 10
28- 5 said to try not eating. Not try eating less. I know what he meant, but 23 was responding to what he technically said.
mzeemzima 0
why is that a FML obviously ur not that fat if she's still with you , i mean I eat... a lot lol but I'm still thin and I got game ;
MissBunny25 0
I don't get why that's a big deal... most males do eat all the time... at least the ones I know
ohSNAPyall 27
Maybe he expected her to say "masturbating"
broccoli2 0
eating or masturbating, as long ad he's thinking if her while doing it.
ruben_A_ruiz 0
LOL I asked my gf this and she said I was either jerking or playing black ops. I encourage everyone to ask thier significant other and see what they say.
imtaken 0
ice cream is awesome
traze 7
So...where you eating?
mintcar 10
IDK. Hopefully at a nice restaurant.
mintcar 10
IDK. Hopefully at a nice restaurant.
shovels 0
I think he meant "Were you eating?"
Basket_Case_ 0
lol
freddyisepic 2
hes eating something other than food...
mintcar 10
31, wow really? I had no idea whatsoever.
benefiits 0
most likely... he was on black ops!
theten_fml 9
no he was masturbating.
ilOlAtYourfMlnUk 0
lOl oh fatty boy(: maybe you should try not eating ?
Dennisse_47 17
Oh yes, Anorexia solves all problems just look at all the celebs who do it -__-
shovels 0
23- yah, cuz every thin person is anorexic...
rebekahah 7
28- same. :)
ilOlAtYourfMlnUk 0
lOl not everyone can be beautiful like me! kidding(:
HowDidIGetHere 0
wow you guys took it for the literal meaning LMAO
purple_sarah88 0
Um they weren't talking about thin people. They were talking about people who don't eat.
ripgeorgecarl1n 7
Whacking?
mushysquirrel 0
it would be funnier if you told us you were 300 pounds
gavinbanks 13
yeah!
Dr_Jalepenos 0
soo what are u always doing..? other then eating ofcourse
you_failed 15
Haha that's sad. Time to do other things. :P YDI.
MissBunny25 0
well, if OP is male I don't see what the problem is... most teenage guys or just males in general eat a good bit of the time.
AceArctic 4
Yeah I'm 14 and a runner, but I eat a lot an stay pretty thin.
flashback.miss 28
lol didja add "out girls, yes i am"? just kidding but lol how much do u wiegh and how tall r u cause that counts for something.... and how fasts your metabloism(sp)
flashback.miss 28
im not a boy Oo and seriously was that neccessary?
Firetroop 0
He's just helping you out!
gader 3
hehe
penguinazul 13
It's not as bad as the one time I came on here and found the word spelled like "Metaberlizum". The word isn't really that hard to spell.
ThogTheCaveman 7
12- Really? Don't be an asshole. He hit two keys slightly out of order. Everybody's done that.
flashback.miss 28
NOT A BOY!! but thanks :)
Emileerzz 1
what were you doing..?
brocept 0
would u rather her say jacking off?
cupcake10101 0
lmao
GODs_uncle 1
called you*
_streets_ 19
Well don't be a little bitch next time and answer the damn question properly.
sunshine233 0
agreed