The Top

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Karen strikes again

By Ihateithere - 13/07/2021 16:01

Today, I was reduced to tears and called a "useless fat bitch" by a customer I was serving. She didn’t realize that the steak fajitas she’d ordered had steak in them. She said she was a vegetarian. She failed to mention it, but apparently it was "my fault" because I “should have known." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 636

You deserved it 128

Shut up and take it

By Eric - 14/03/2020 06:05

Today my college professor told me that I ask him too many questions. Apparently, my college tuition fee doesn't include learning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 641

You deserved it 261

You are what you eat

By i wonder why - 21/10/2022 16:00 - United States - Federal Way

Today, my roommate still chooses to waste his money on McDonald's food for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. He politely refuses to eat my nutritious home-cooked meals that people say taste amazing. Then he complains that he's in a shitty mood all the time. I wonder why… FML

I agree, your life sucks 933

You deserved it 553

Acting is hard work

By S. Dub - 10/04/2020 05:00

Today, my boyfriend told me that I needed to moan louder so that he knew I was enjoying it. Reluctantly, I put a little 'umph' into my moans during the next round. He pulled out and said, "It's just awkward now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 997

You deserved it 321

Heart of Glass

By blahblahblah - 15/04/2020 20:00

Today, I was sitting on a stool by the stove while my dad was making stir-fry. The glass lid he had covering the skillet overheated and exploded. As huge shards of broken glass rained down on his only daughter's head, my dad's only concern was whether or not he would have to throw his food away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 679

You deserved it 227

Creepy podcast idea

By WhatTheActual - 08/03/2024 14:00 - United States

Today, I found out that my husband likes to stand in front of the bathroom door when my sister (who we took in since my parents died) goes in, and he listens to her urinate. He also has voice memos on his phone of her urinating noises. He claims he’s not doing anything wrong because he’s “not touching her or anything.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 065

You deserved it 118

Catch 22

By Claire.L - 10/05/2020 20:00

Today, I gave my boss a two-month notice. He threatened me by saying he wouldn't provide a reference if I quit in July instead of August. I need the reference to pursue my dream to work in the USA as a nanny. I have no other choice, I either work under their pressure or start all over. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1 687

You deserved it 161

The genetics expert has logged on

By Fucking moron - 27/03/2024 16:00 - United States

Today, I met my "grandson". Even though my son and his wife are both lily white, the child was clearly half-black. I pulled my son aside to have a word, but he said, "Her grandmother was black and she has recessive genes, it's really rare." I can't believe I raised this dumbass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 664

You deserved it 411

You ass!

By Anonymous - 20/05/2020 14:00

Today, my jerk of an ex messaged to apologize for dumping me two weeks ago. I took the high road and was overtly polite and friendly, hoping to end things civil. Our conversation ended when he casually mentioned he is moving in with his new girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 501

You deserved it 238

Spreading it around

By Anonymous - 24/05/2020 14:00

Today, I overheard my co-worker talking about how she's going to Panama City, Florida this weekend and is going to "get lit." It's the middle of the pandemic, and she's going to go party on a beach. She'll be back at work Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 733

You deserved it 293

Noped out of there

By Anonymous - 28/11/2022 16:00

Today, we found a tarantula type spider in our shed so big it could only have been someone’s escaped pet. This thing was so big, even my husband said, "NOPE!" In the end, we used our neighbour's crossbow to kill, it because I think it grew that big by eating dogs and small horses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 779

You deserved it 259

Conspiratorial under the sheets

By Anonymous - 29/11/2022 22:00

Today, I hooked up with a man for the first time since my divorce. The sex was mind-blowing. His pillow talk then began with something like, “A cabal of Hollywood celebrities and political insiders want to rape your children…” I’m so dry now, I think I hit menopause. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 904

You deserved it 398

Toxic workplaces

By Anonymous - 09/09/2021 11:00 - Pakistan - Islamabad

Today, I'm working in a book company where the boss is stingy, and has promoted an incompetent and rude manager. This trickled down to the whole department where I work being ran as a ego-stroking place. The colleagues are the worst type of people imaginable with jealousy and inferiority complexes at their core. FML

I agree, your life sucks 819

You deserved it 159

Weirded out

By Anonymous - 29/09/2021 02:01

Today, my girlfriend told me she is breaking up with me for my friend, because she likes people with diaper fetishes. I had no clue either of them liked that stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 637

You deserved it 124

Stalker vibes

By Anonymous - 30/06/2020 14:01

Today, a woman who has a history of being horrible came into my work. I had to help her, so I was determined to be so nice that she couldn't possibly complain about me, as she has about several coworkers before. Apparently, I was too nice. Now she loves me and wants me to help her every time she comes in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 562

You deserved it 392

Dejected

By Barbara - 09/05/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, the girl I rejected caught me making out with this girl I like. I told her I was straight in order to avoid hurting her feelings instead of telling her I wasn’t attracted to her because she was obese. She loudly called me out for lying and burst into tears, and ran off making me look bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 194

You deserved it 860

Tough choice

By Anonymous - 27/12/2022 12:00

Today, I got new meds for my OCD. If I don't take them at 8 a.m. every morning with a full meal, I won't sleep for 3 days. Goodbye lay ins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 782

You deserved it 197

The Dark Knight

By Boyufd - 30/07/2020 23:01

Today, I noticed my acne scars are almost forming the Batman symbol. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 264

You deserved it 161

How's the diet going?

By Anonymous - 04/08/2020 20:01

Today, I bought 3 buckets of expensive low-calorie ice cream because it was on sale, only to discover it tastes rather awful. I thought I liked that stuff… Oh, I remember now, I did like it… After mixing it with lots of chocolate spread. FML

I agree, your life sucks 621

You deserved it 1 284

Empathy Man

By Anonymous - 05/08/2020 02:02

Today, I told my man I was feeling a lack of emotional closeness and dialogue in our relationship. I'd hoped for a comeback like, "So what do you need in order to change that?" Or even, "Aw, come here, let's cuddle!" Instead, I got a simple, "I don't." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 522

You deserved it 380

Waning

By Anonymous - 07/02/2023 22:00 - Australia - Newham

Today, I love my partner but also have negative thoughts as well. She stopped being interested in me about 6 months into our relationship. We have been together for 12 years. We have made love on 3 different occasions in the last 4 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 955

You deserved it 465

The bed is lava

By for better or for farts - 06/08/2020 23:01

Today, my very pregnant wife woke up in bed, grabbing her stomach and writhing in pain. Worried that the baby might be in distress, I asked her what was wrong. She gasped then let out what can only be described as a river of hot liquid shit all over herself and my legs. We both cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 469

You deserved it 217

Lonesome wheels

By Anonymous - 28/10/2021 11:00

Today, while talking to my parents about my car, my dad said, "Don't put a lot of money into it because we will give you ours when we move." I asked why, and my mom responded, "Well, we helped your sister with her wedding, so this is going to be your wedding gift." I'm getting a car out of pity for not having a wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 930

You deserved it 176

Jump scare

By Anonymous - 05/11/2021 11:01

Today, I saw a bat in a cabinet. I slammed the cabinet as hard as I could, which knocked the bat off the door and got its head stuck between the two doors, decapitating it. Its two beady eyes were judging me. I haven't even had my coffee yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 514

You deserved it 1 500

Surprise surprise!

By Middle Age Divorced Dad - 26/01/2023 14:00 - Canada - Kanata

Today, my girlfriend's parents have been having issues with her older brother and her mom called to say she was flying over to stay with my girlfriend. I'm twice my girlfriend's age and she hasn't told her parents about me. She also sublet out her apartment and we have been living together for over a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 364

You deserved it 939

No Words

By FML Videos - 24/09/2018 00:30

wtf

I agree, your life sucks 306

You deserved it 73

Oddly specific

By annairb - 07/01/2026 03:00

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I order meat well done. He's the third guy to do this. Just the thought of eating undercooked meat makes me gag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 388

You deserved it 357

SHUT UP

By Rasta Pickles - 03/02/2023 06:00 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, my wife has imposed two Bengal cats on my existence. Bengal cats howl, very loudly, during the night. My wife can sleep through a nuclear war. I will not get a decent night's sleep for the next twelve to fifteen years of my life. Prisoners of war being tortured endured less. FML

I agree, your life sucks 756

You deserved it 309

Buckle up!

By Anonymous - 25/06/2024 16:00 - South Africa

Today, I found out my wife is pregnant with our third child. This wouldn't be a problem but we only want two kids and I had a vasectomy 6 weeks ago (they take 3 months to be effective). We weren't careful only one time, and since it was difficult to conceive the two we wanted, we didn't think it would be a problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 182

You deserved it 776

Chain reaction

By Anonymous - 31/08/2020 23:01 - United States - Nashville

Today, my 7-month-old spit up on the floor. My 3-year-old puts their hands in it, sniffed, and puked. Then sticks their hands in their own puke, sniffed, and puked again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 670

You deserved it 253

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The Top

Today, I noticed my husband was acting moody, and I asked him what was wrong. He replied that he didn't know, so trying to lighten the mood, I facetiously said, "It's 'cause you're stuck with me, isn't it?" He nodded, trundled off, and hasn't shown his face since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 625

You deserved it 4 560

Today, I told my boyfriend I was pregnant. While I was asleep, he drew a face on my stomach and when I woke up he was talking to it. He said it would be less weird if he was talking to my stomach with a face on it, representing the baby. According to him, our child is going to have a mustache. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 728

You deserved it 28 565

Today, I came out to my parents. After we had a talk about them accepting me, my dad said, "Now get out of here you little duck sucker." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 940

You deserved it 726

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years suggested I don’t display affection or try to hold his hand at a party because a girl there “recently got broken up with” and he doesn’t wanna “hurt her feelings.” When I replied that this was irrational, he told me, “Then don’t come at all stupid bitch, geez!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 503

You deserved it 193

Today, I got home from a hard day and sent a project due tomorrow from my laptop. While I was in the bathroom, my parents took my laptop, which is all paid by me for no reason. I tried telling them multiple times that I have 3 projects due this week, but they said that's not a reason to stay on my laptop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 623

You deserved it 93

Today, my husband bought me some new perfume. It wasn’t really my style but he insisted I try it. Afterward we had some of the best, most vigorous sex of our entire relationship. Later, while visiting his parents, I found the same perfume in his mom’s bathroom. It’s her 'special occasion' scent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 655

You deserved it 124