Today, my mum decided that having the flu and being too lazy to go upstairs to the bathroom is a valid excuse to shit in a jug instead. 5ML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mum thought it would be acceptable to tell my school that the reason I will not be attending classes is because I have "the shits." FML
Today, I took my mum on the London Underground. We were standing on the platform, when she suddenly bought up a load of phlegm in her mouth. Instead of trying to find a bin, she just full on spat out the biggest green pile on the floor next to people. FML
Today, I'm banned from the only working bathroom in my house because my mother is cleansing for an upcoming colonoscopy. My options are either a bucket in the basement, or wetting myself. FML
Today, my extremely lazy roommate is in bed with the flu. Instead of getting up to get water, he's run the garden hose through his window, and instead of going to the bathroom, he's connected a siphon to his penis and run it to a 5-gallon bucket. I have to live with this idiot. FML
Today, I swear I’m going to just refuse to use the toilet when my mom is home on principle because whenever I go, no matter the time of day or night, that will be the exact moment she's bursting for a pee, and needs me out "NOW NOW NOW!" I haven’t had a relaxing, uninterrupted shit in almost a month. FML
Today, my mother told me she needed a urine sample to send in to the doctors to test for any allergies. I did what she had asked and went to my room. I came down stairs later and found her in the bathroom putting my pee on a pregnancy test stick. FML
Today, my mom decided to infodump on me as I came home needing to take a shit. She wouldn't stop talking and calling me back when I tried to walk off. I couldn't get a word in, and she was ignoring my gestures. She's now calling me disrespectful because I finally ran off and dropped a loud one in the toilet. FML
Today, I was having a bath and needed the loo (they're in separate rooms), and my mother-in-law used the bathroom while I wasn't in it. I walked back in and realised my enema bulb was in full fucking view. I actually want to lie on the ground and let the moss consume me. FML
Today, I woke up with the flu that causes me to throw up violently until I dry heave and can't breathe. I told my mom I would rather have the runs, and not even a minute later, I got them. So now if I move too fast, I throw up, and if I don't move fast enough, I shit myself. FML
Today, I heard my mom sobbing in the bathroom. Concerned, I went in to see what was wrong. I found her sitting on the toilet, pants down and a cigarette between her fingers. When I asked what was going on, she looked up at me and slurred that we'd run out of "shit-wipes." FML
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Top comments
Eliseopwns 22
Thank god you know better than her.
Aspen_Grace33 27
Wow that's pretty bad. May as well start her in depends now...
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Comments (60)
Eliseopwns 22
Thank god you know better than her.
SuckMeBeautifu1 24
I know everyones wondering the same question, so i'll say it: Did she wipe, OP?
HKCgrimmjow 15
I'm going to assume no, and no it didn't actually come to mind, if she's too lazy to go to the bathroom then why would she have pre-planned having toilet paper where she shat in the jug.
IHATEFMYLIFE 26
#39 It never said anything about having toilet paper there...
Garrett2818 21
Why does it say 5ml instead of fml?
sayyestothedress 24
I know right! That's what I was going to ask!!
Aspen_Grace33 27
Wow that's pretty bad. May as well start her in depends now...
ptoka 20
How does one shit in a... You know what, I don't even want to know.
EternalRest 5
How do you not have a downstairs bathroom?
iAlissa 34
@40 not everyone has a house with multiple bathrooms.
martin8337 36
Even with depends, maybe you still have to wipe her ass. Hopefully, not though.
bleeping 5
Reminds me of the song - little brown jug.
asianjudo613 5
sometimes you can't even make it a few steps ._.
onlychildFTW 34
That's when you need to wear a diaper for the sake of the people around you. I have never gotten sick enough to not move though.
HotRose 18
#9, I have, every time I had the flu when I was young I was out for 2 weeks solid, and sometimes longer. I couldn't move and I would sleep for days. Only awake long enough to see my mom begging me to eat, only to throw up right after taking it in. Dry heaves are the worst. It's not laziness that keeps a person down when they have the flu, it's weakness. But to take a dump in a jug, that seems like more effort than heading to the bathroom. Of course I could be wrong; who knows she may have taken two steps and almost passed out. I know I did that a few times when I was sick as well. Imagine getting energy to be awake longer than a minute, flinging yourself out of bed, stumbling, and I mean like a drunk, out the door just to passout on the couch. I don't mean I made it to the couch, I mean I passed out, hit my face on the couch, arms hung on the side of the couch and knees to the floor. Invest in a bed pan, that's why they have those in hospitals. It's not laziness, well in your mothers case it could be. But I never assume. ;)
XcuzimsotiredX 25
know the feeling but at least I still move despite it...
jonahwalzer 12
That is just disgusting.....
WCARlover 35
Better than the couch or in bed I guess...
TreeFellOnMe 2
I like Dane Cook.
WCARlover 35
When will people learn that these comments only result in thumbs down?
dachayke 16
I like free pistachio ice cream.
adam3650 12
Who doesn't like free ice cream?
t_raw1234 11
That's nasty.
fartay55 11
Wow....I'm speechless. That is utterly disgusting.