Today, my dad and his new fiancée are like two love-sick bunnies. They start having sex immediately whenever I leave the house. Even when I take out the trash. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my father decided that since he's paying for my flat, he will use it twice a week to have it off with his girlfriend while I'm away. My parents are still together. FML
Today, I introduced my boyfriend of two weeks to my parents. My dad asked me to leave the room so they could have some "guy talk". I eavesdropped, only to hear the words "sex-crazed fuck" and a threat to stick bamboo shoots under my boyfriend's fingernails if he ever hurt me. FML
Today, I met my new boyfriend’s family for the first time. Unfortunately for me, his dad walked in to ask what we wanted for dinner while we were having sex. Even worse was that my boyfriend kept going while his dad was there, and his dad later said he was glad I was “the woman”. FML
Today, my dad came home from work early only to walk in on me and the boy I'm not supposed to be seeing having sex. Did I mention doggie style? FML
Today, I returned home from my honeymoon and met my dad for coffee. He told me he's been seeing someone and he's so happy. It's my new mother-in-law. They moved in together during my wedding weekend. FML
Today, my dad was in town for a day. We only had about 3 hours to do something so we left right away. Right as we were about to leave my dad's slutty girlfriend came by for a "surprise visit". My dad told me he would be right back. They had sex for 2 hours and 45 minutes. In total, we talked for 15 minutes. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when my dad pulled up to pick me up from his house. My dad beeped his horn and my boyfriend opened his bedroom curtain, knocked on the window, and waved. While he was still inside of me. FML
Today, the first thing my fiancé did when he walked in the door was to loudly announce all the hot kinky stuff he was about to do to me on the kitchen table. Unfortunately for him my dad, mother and both my brothers had just dropped in for a visit and heard every word he said. FML
Today, I went to visit my father. His new wife has hoarded out our childhood home nearly to the point of it being unliveable. That’s pretty funny, considering my dad used to literally beat us if our rooms weren’t clean or we left dishes in the sink. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were fooling around when her dad burst in, proclaimed an, “Aha! I caught you you pervert!” moment and threw me out of the house. We’re in our 30s with kids, and jointly own that house. Having a father in law with Alzheimer's is great isn’t it? Just fecking great. FML
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Top comments
BurnInDemonFire 39
"Jeez Dad, get a room..." "Get a room? I've got the whole ******* house, you little shit! Now go see a movie while I work on making you a new sibling."
childlessmother 16
That’s awesome for your dad! Sucks for you but I’m glad he has found someone who gets him “excited”
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Comments (6)
CoriCat 25
You should start playing weird cult music or pig noises when they do. Like if you’re gonna take out the trash, turn it on so it’ll kill the mood until you’re back in so you don’t have to witness that! At least they wait until you leave though. But they should be more mindful of when you’re going to come right back in so you don’t get an eyefull
BurnInDemonFire 39
"Jeez Dad, get a room..." "Get a room? I've got the whole ******* house, you little shit! Now go see a movie while I work on making you a new sibling."
RichardPencil 32
Maybe you should withhold your rent payment to protest the nuisance. Wait, you're staying rent-free? Then, shut the **** up and buy some ******-canceling headphones.
alycion 39
Don’t worry. You’ll have that in your life one day and understand. And after the wedding, sex slows down for some.
childlessmother 16
That’s awesome for your dad! Sucks for you but I’m glad he has found someone who gets him “excited”
Eric Henning 7
Good news is your going to be a big sibling soon.