The Top

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Crash

By Anonymous - 29/05/2019 20:00

Today, my girlfriend and I tried to have sex in the shower. While trying to support her weight, as we got into things, I slipped backwards on the wet floor and fell through the Pyrex side of the shower, with her crashing down on me. I now have bits of Pyrex in my back and have to replace the shower side. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 006

You deserved it 886

Get well soon

By Anonymous - 07/02/2021 08:02

Today, I'm in hospital after having surgery for a broken leg. I’m maxed out on Endone and still in pain. Work have said that I’m on the roster next week and I’ll be fired if I’m not there. My wife said that she is going to have some "me time" for a few days when I get home from my "holiday". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 174

You deserved it 86

Don't Give Up

By Anonymous - 10/02/2021 20:01 - United States - Longmont

Today, I looked at cute baby clothes while my friend was in the check-out line at JC Penny. It made me want to cry. I'm almost 33, childless, and so unattractive I couldn't pay someone to be into me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 129

You deserved it 225

Blast from the past

By Anonymous - 20/02/2021 23:01

Today, I found a USB stick my husband was hiding. I checked and it had hundreds of pictures of girls from porn sites and Instagram. That wasn’t the issue. Hidden in those pictures was a pic of his ex-girlfriend, with whom he has not been with past 8 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 102

You deserved it 285

By TheStudentNurse - 18/11/2016 00:07

Today, I got bitten at work. Not by a patient's mouth, but by the false teeth they were holding in their hand as they clamped down on my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 857

You deserved it 612

Alexa, play "Boredom" by Buzzcocks

By Sam - 25/04/2022 04:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was prepared for it to be difficult being a parent, but it's actually super easy. What I wasn't prepared for was just how boring it would be after my husband returned to work and I was left alone. All she does is sleep, so the whole house is scrubbed clean, and I'm climbing the walls from sheer bloody boredom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 828

You deserved it 490

Bye then!

By SadRoll - 02/06/2022 18:00 - India - Hyderabad

Today, after more than two years of saying that I'm depressed and I need professional help, that my husband always rejects, saying, "You can always talk to me, my dear," he finally said that I'm his biggest problem in life, he's not happy with me, and wants me to move out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 106

You deserved it 251

By Anonymous - 23/07/2019 22:00

Today, I visited with my cousin on her deathbed. When I asked what she was doing, they replied that she was sleeping. Next thing out my mouth without thinking was, "She can sleep when she's dead." FML

I agree, your life sucks 609

You deserved it 2 457

Rage against the wrong machine

By shit happens??? - 21/05/2022 00:01 - United States

Today, my boyfriend who’s rage quit multiple games, screamed cuss words for hitting too many red lights, and broke his new phone when a legendary Pokémon escaped after a raid in Pokémon Go, told me I was too dramatic. Sorry for being depressed that my biopsy results weren’t good. Shit happens, huh? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 176

You deserved it 163

Mind your own business

By Anonymous - 16/06/2022 16:00

Today, I caught my best friend's wife being a cheating whore, and I told her either she told him the truth or I would. More fool me, she used the time I gave her to convince him I tried to sleep with her, so now he won’t believe a word I say, and he punched me in the jaw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 262

You deserved it 255

Thanks, I guess…

By Boo - 08/08/2019 08:01 - Australia

Today, I finally had a phone call after a week of nothing. It was my mother. It was by accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 523

You deserved it 256

No gifts for you

By Birthdaypoop - 20/06/2022 12:00

Today, it’s my birthday. Not only did my boyfriend of 5 years forget, when I reminded him, he said very unenthusiastically, “Oh, Happy Birthday.” When I said, “That’s it?” he got annoyed and said,“Well, what else do you want me to tell you?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 916

You deserved it 1 263

Open Mike

By cathugger - 16/08/2019 16:00

Today, I decided to confess my feelings and perform a love song I'd written for my crush during an open mic night. He was there - he also took the opportunity to declare his love to his on-off girlfriend, get down on one knee and propose to her. She said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 851

You deserved it 562

Not coming out yet, sorry

By KeEp.iT.A.SeCrEt - 17/04/2021 02:00

Today, a "friend" of mine told everyone that I had a crush on a girl I used to be really good friends with 2 years ago. I never liked her that way, and had said that only to hide the fact that I'm gay and don't feel safe with boys. Her current boyfriend is seriously annoyed with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 922

You deserved it 217

Indecent proposal

By Dude wtf - 19/04/2021 02:02

Today, a guy propositioned me for a threesome with his girlfriend. I don't know what's worse, the fact that he's knows I'm gay and have a boyfriend, or the fact that his girlfriend is my sister. He seemed confused as to why I turned him down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 618

You deserved it 148

Monopoly

By Anonymous - 28/06/2022 16:00

Today, I called complaints for my internet provider because, again, it's slowed to a crawl that would make dial-up laugh. They said that I live in a remote area, so maintenance is difficult. When I pointed out I only live ten minutes from the nearest city, they responded by saying they're my only option, so tough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 922

You deserved it 114

Who gave him that?

By Ewyucky - 21/06/2022 12:00 - Canada - Wilberforce

Today, my 3 year-old son projectile vomited on me. I was covered head to toe in blue Gatorade vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 657

You deserved it 929

First dates suck

By Anonymous - 03/09/2019 16:00

Today, I went on two dates from a dating app. The first one said halfway through that we couldn't date because it would break his contract. The second one catfished me. This is why I have multiple dates in one day. They never end well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 554

You deserved it 308

Out of shape

By Anonymous - 28/06/2022 02:00

Today, I’m now so unfit, I had to stop halfway through sex with my wife to catch my breath, and in the end we just gave up, as clearly neither of us was having an orgasm today. I don’t get it, I weigh exactly 11 stone and exercise regularly, but I have no stamina and shit lungs. I hate myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 340

You deserved it 371

Bad timing

By Frankie - 05/05/2021 00:01

Today, the company where I used to work at announced that there would be a staff reduction because of the low income caused by the pandemic. I just quit yesterday in favor of another job. All of my former workmates are getting paid their respective settlements because of this termination, while I'm not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 740

You deserved it 831

Communication Breakdown

By not negative just real - 17/07/2022 18:00 - United States

Today, I’m still on bed rest recovering from life-altering surgery. My pain is unreal but the pills make me nauseous or knock me out cold. When I try to express what I’m going through, all anyone tries to do is cheer me up without listening. I just want someone to understand what I’m going through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 003

You deserved it 195

Duchamp would be proud

By Anonymous - 23/09/2019 12:00

Today, my five year-old niece thought that it would be acceptable to carve her artwork all over our toilet seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 417

You deserved it 177

On Target, almost

By Anonymous - 25/09/2019 06:00

Today, I was walking through Target when I was pulled aside by a very attractive girl who began kissing me. She stopped, because I wasn't who she thought I was. Disappointed, I turned around to see her very angry, very large boyfriend behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 926

You deserved it 192

Sometimes, the thought doesn't count

By Anonymous - 17/11/2023 14:00

Today, we got a diamond delivered to our house. I was super confused until my husband admitted he’d taken the ashes of his grandparents and parents, my mom and my grandparents', and my auntie's, mixed them all together and sent them to one of those diamond making companies. I’m divorcing him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 643

You deserved it 213

Something is about to bust

By Stigmamma - 30/05/2021 20:01

Today, I had an ultrasound which required me to have a full bladder. I arrived on time, bladder full, only to be stuck in waiting room limbo for 40 mins. I nearly exploded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 079

You deserved it 106

Extreme measures

By Anonymous - 07/08/2022 12:00 - United States - Staten Island

Today, after my landlord has refused to fix the bathroom plumbing problem in my apartment for several days, I had to buy cat litter for myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 910

You deserved it 128

Meritocracy

By Anonymous - 04/12/2023 06:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my boss brought his son in as our new manager. This kid has zero experience in our industry and yet waltzed into a £75,000 job where his sole responsibility is telling me how to do a skilled job I started before he was born. Plus half the stuff he tries to tell me is incorrect. Cretin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 756

You deserved it 88

Never enough

By Anonymous - 13/08/2022 06:00

Today, after weeks of my girlfriend complaining that I don't help with the chores, I secretly took a day off work to deal with some that were piling up. When she got home, all she could do was complain about how I hadn't done more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 322

You deserved it 291

Private freakout

By Anonymous - 24/08/2022 00:00

Today, my sister ended punching my mother in the face. Blood just leaked everywhere and everything just went downhill. I'm so scared and traumatized from witnessing it. I can’t get the scene out of my head, can’t fall asleep, can’t stop crying, want to puke, want to yell. I just can’t anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 976

You deserved it 312

Skinny girl

By mortifying - 28/10/2019 20:00 - United Kingdom - Harlow

Today, I started playing footsie with the girl I like next to me in Biology. Turns out it was the table leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 591

You deserved it 1 990

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The Top

Today, I jokingly sent my girlfriend a link to an article about giving better head. She didn't think it was funny, and has since sent me numerous articles about the female orgasm, and I just got a link to the Wikipedia article about the clitoris. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 648

You deserved it 57 890

Today, I took my mom out to a fancy restaurant, and spent close to $300 on her Mother's Day present. Later, my little brother drew her a card with crayons on pink construction paper. She cried. He's 20 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 044

You deserved it 6 421

Today, my professor gave me a huge lecture in front of the class about showing up sick, about how I was endangering the lives of other students, and kicked me out of class. As I left, everyone applauded. I'm not sick, but suffering for horrible allergies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 016

You deserved it 226

Today, my wife threw up in the middle of sex, then fell asleep right after. I didn't even finish and it'd been over a month since the last time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 143

You deserved it 337

Today, I’ve met the last of my wife’s ex-boyfriends. She’s been out of touch with all of them since we met, but after seeing their shared looks, I'm convinced they all have naked pictures of her. How recent they are is the only remaining question. FML

I agree, your life sucks 454

You deserved it 827

Today, I asked my boss if he was getting temp workers to cover the three ladies from my office on maternity for at least the next two years. He laughed at my fine joke, then said my office will just have to cope. I’m the only member of that office left. I have to do the work of four people for two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 734

You deserved it 141