Today, at work, a bag of driveway repair tar split and spilled on my arms and hands. Not only does it stain and pull out any arm hair it touches, the stains also look like I was playing in dog poop. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was picking up after my dog with a poo baggie over my hand, like a mitten. Too bad the bottom ripped open and my bare hand poked through it just as I grabbed a big handful of steaming dog turd. FML
Today, I worked in a shoe store. As I was removing the shoes off an older man I felt a squish, and pulled back my hand to see brown and yellow. The man then looked at me and said, "Looks like I missed a spot." Dog crap. FML
Today, when I took off my shoes to change into my work boots, I smelled dog poop. I must have stepped in it on the way to my car this morning. Guess what the floor mat of my brand new car looks (and smells) like… FML
Today, I lost my balance trying to get my bag out of my car. In doing so, my lips came in contact with some bird poop. FML
Today, I was walking dogs for the animal hospital I work for. I accidentally dropped the leash, and in my haste to retrieve it, I frantically grabbed the ground. I got the leash, and a handful of fresh dog poo emitted from the dog I was walking. FML
Today, while hurrying by bike to an appointment, my chain broke. I quickly got off the road and managed to fix it on the sidewalk, covering my hands in black smear. Dirty but confident about my repair skills, I got up. A second later, felt something warm running down my neck. Bird poop. FML
Today, I had to take out the grease traps from our fryers. A very rude co-worker cut me off, so I had to abruptly stop and try to prevent as much spilling as possible. Luckily, it only spilled on me. I'm here for six more hours with burned, smelly, greasy spots all over my skin and clothes. FML
Today, after a long and exhausting day at work, I had no energy to do much of anything, so with that in mind, I got Arby's on the way home. When I did get home and was trying to carry the bag inside, it ripped open and spilled my food all over the driveway. FML
Today, I took my dog to the park. It had recently rained, and he started rolling in something unidentifiable. When I got home, I discovered it was a mixture of mud and who knows what else. Now my house smells like a swamp. FML
Today, pearlescent liquid soap squirted all over my white pants while washing my hands. I have 6 more hours of work looking like I jizzed myself. FML
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Top comments
buckdharma 38
Oh, that's nothing, op, Just tar? If you were having a really bad day, I'm pretty sure there should be some feathers?
Lobby_Bee 18
Your arm must be silky smooth now. Win!
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Comments (7)
buckdharma 38
Oh, that's nothing, op, Just tar? If you were having a really bad day, I'm pretty sure there should be some feathers?
Glowworm56 27
Eh, just roll with it, and pretend you are prehistoric mammal on the brink of extinction.
Lobby_Bee 18
Your arm must be silky smooth now. Win!
Lobby_Bee 18
Your arm must be silky smooth now. Win!
SnailRail 10
Use WD-40 to remove the stain and any asphalt attached to skin and hair. Working in conjunction with an oil refinery; this is how we remove asphalt.
Stiggy626 25
kerosene works really well too
GoogieWithers 25
Well at least you will get a seat to yourself on public transport.
JackWood 21
Gojo will clean it off!