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By wait, what - 17/10/2017 22:00 - United Kingdom - Southampton

Today, I found a 2-page letter nailed to the door of my car demanding that I break up with my girlfriend, Janet, so that a "real man" can date her instead. I’m a single straight woman and I don’t know anybody called Janet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 905

You deserved it 217

It's a trap

By Dangling - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Lizella

Today, as I entered our narrow hallway while leaving the bathroom, my belt loop caught on the knob of a nearby closet. My husband had to come and rescue me as I hung there, my ass in the air. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 095

You deserved it 1 822

End of the road

By Anonymous - 28/02/2018 05:00

Today, I woke up to a note on my nightstand from my fiancée, along with the ring I proposed to her with yesterday, which stated that not only was she not ready to be married, but she’d been planning to end things before I “blindsided" her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 642

You deserved it 486

By JTBastry - 30/04/2018 19:00

Today, after graduating from culinary school, I was turned down by Chipotle, Jersey Mike's, and McDonald's entry-level jobs because I didn't have enough experience. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 156

You deserved it 410

By Anonymous - 24/05/2018 19:00

Today, after submitting a 500-word essay to a writing contest, I found out that I lost to someone who wrote 3 sentences. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 037

You deserved it 511

By Anonymous - 10/06/2018 15:00

Today, I ended up in the hospital due to a severe acid reflux attack. I knew I had acid reflux for years, but was never allowed to get it checked out. Why? My dad told me I was too young to have it and that I was making it up. I now have to see a specialist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 191

You deserved it 280

By princess - 08/09/2018 13:00

Today, I accidentally touched a hot pan and, like any normal person would, jerked my hand back. My mom saw, yelled at me for being a "prissy princess" and then proceeded to stick her whole hand on the hot pan for a full 5 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 003

You deserved it 390

Goldfinger

By Anonymous - 24/07/2020 02:00

Today, I found out my boyfriend doesn’t think it’s important to wipe after he poops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 885

You deserved it 194

By Whyis Dremora - 30/09/2018 22:00 - United States - San Marcos

Today, I was abruptly woken by a scratching at my butthole that felt like a spider with a million legs. I've never leapt out of bed so fast. When my partner shined a light on the bed, we discovered it was a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 871

You deserved it 302

Great move

By TheGreatAndPowerfulDerp - 13/09/2020 05:02

Today, I got pulled over for speeding. Knowing how much more it would cost in the long run, I handed the officer my license with $300 in cash, "as something to consider for just a warning." He came back with a ticket and verbally warned me that police bribery is a felony. He kept the money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 457

You deserved it 4 182

By Justkillme - 15/11/2018 03:00

Today, I confessed my feelings to the guy I've been seeing. He confessed that he gave me chlamydia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 728

You deserved it 454

By hellphone_fml - 22/11/2018 03:00

Today, my brother's new kitten decided to bring me a gift as a sign of love. It was my pet hamster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 937

You deserved it 308

By azerty - 10/02/2012 10:50 - Sweden

Today, it’s exam day in Sweden. Yesterday, I prepared three fountain pens and six cartridges. The exam starts. Suddenly, I’m stressing out: my pens had frozen during the night. Thanks, sub-zero conditions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 784

You deserved it 104

By mudy247 - 27/04/2017 20:00

Today, it took me longer than it should have with a bit of calculations to remember how old I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 447

You deserved it 889

By MagicS2 - 09/05/2017 21:00 - Brazil

Today, I was running to catch a bus and when I finally got on, the driver closed the door on me. My arm is now entirely purple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 592

You deserved it 353

No Ragerts

By "Sonofaquiche" - 07/05/2017 00:00

Today, after a night of drinking, I woke up in the hospital with a broken coccyx. Apparently, my drunk self came to the glorious conclusion that it would be a good idea to cannonball into a puddle while screaming "POOLPARTYYYY!" at the top of my lungs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 119

You deserved it 5 746

By NoFriends - 28/11/2016 02:28 - Australia

Today, I found out that my friends from high school have yearly meet-ups to catch up and talk about what they've done since school. They've done this for 3 years. I havent even been invited once. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 337

You deserved it 904

By CaffeinePlz_24_7 - 16/11/2016 14:20

Today, my mum called me at work in hysterics, saying she had just been arrested and that I needed to get her dog from her house. I had no idea why she was arrested. I hear nothing from her until 1 a.m. when she calls, waking me up. The first words out of her mouth are, "How's the dog?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 142

You deserved it 745

CaffeinePlz_24_7 tells us more.

CaffeinePlz_24_7 6

Thursday 17 November 2016 19:13

OP here (TooStressedToFunction) with an update on things. Had to make an account for this, so enjoy. Turns out my mum AND dad were arrested, and are now on bail for six months. I'm not at liberty to say why they were arrested but trust me the allergations are BAD. Personally I don't belive the allergations are true, but my parents do need to move. Where are they moving? Closer to a support network maybe, consisting of family and friends who can help them through this hard and upsetting time ? Nope! Closer to the dog's special private vet, a full hour away from anyone that they know will help them. I fear pyscological issues are at play. P.S. The dog is fine, other than decades of interbreeding to keep his bloodline pedigree

So, thanks for having me

By kernelkat - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out the presentation I've been looking forward to and preparing for months only has three people registered to attend. I'll be talking to an empty room for an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 066

You deserved it 2 732

By mysteryguy3039 - 07/08/2017 20:00

Today, my girlfriend gave me a two week notice for our relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 766

You deserved it 382

By Lissa - 14/09/2016 00:00 - United States - Baldwin

Today, my stupid coworker informed the managers that there were no more kids' menus downstairs. Trusting her word, they ordered 3 full boxes. She then asked me where we kept them. We now have 12,000 kids menus to fold. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 774

You deserved it 976

By Anonymous - 09/10/2017 23:15

Today, I married the beautiful girl I’ve been in love with since we were both 6 years old. By married, I mean I performed the marriage ceremony as the vicar and watched her smile and kiss her arsehole boyfriend, now husband, right in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 779

You deserved it 1 321

Girls just wanna go home

By budadepressed - 18/07/2016 21:22 - United States - Burnsville

Today, due to a scheduling error, I spent an entire day and night in an airport, over 30 hours in total. Just as I arrived at the gate, I was informed that my flight had been delayed for another 2 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 619

You deserved it 1 085

By Pelly - 23/06/2016 10:26 - Belgium - Kasterlee

Today, my grandma told everyone I'm using steroids and amphetamines, all because she mistook my protein powder and vitamin pills for drugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 948

You deserved it 1 039

Flashback

By BloodyButUnbowed - 24/11/2019 03:00

Today, I was deceived into a contract to "edit" porn. It was sick, disgusting material which stirred up all my sexual-abuse-survivor issues and made me retch. When I went to my husband to tell him what happened, his only comment was, "Is it hot?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 708

You deserved it 594

By Anonymous - 17/08/2018 14:30

Today, I called my boyfriend and a woman answered. Turns out, she's also his girlfriend. She broke up with me on his behalf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 592

You deserved it 226

A teaching moment

By Sensitive!!! - 24/08/2020 13:56 - Australia - Brisbane

Spicy

Today, my husband is so bad at foreplay that when he remembers to try and turn me on, he digs around really hard like he's scratching a bug bite. Last time, his nail sliced my clitoris. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 251

You deserved it 296

By Oh no - 13/10/2018 03:00

Spicy

Today, I went searching for my old school laptop only to find that my stepdad had swiped it and given it to his mother. My sex tapes and nudes are on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 794

You deserved it 2 025

By Anonymous - 23/01/2017 20:00

Today, I met my boyfriend's entire extended family at a party. All of them, including his dad, said I looked exactly like his mum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 989

You deserved it 483

By atleasthelocalsarenice - 04/03/2017 12:00

Today, while camping alone in an isolated area, I was woken up at 3 a.m. by a fellow camper, who then offered me a crayfish and a romantic beach walk as a way of flirtation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 465

You deserved it 614

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Today, while driving home, I saw a cop with a speed gun "hidden" by the side of the road. I went to slow down so the fuck-knob wouldn't be able to ticket me. I then had a brain-fart and floored the gas instead of hitting the brakes. Hello speeding ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 055

You deserved it 29 768

Today, I laughed about a fold in my girlfriend's jeans that felt like she had a tiny boner. She started crying. Turns out she has a slight deformity. Oops. Explains why we've been taking it so slow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 157

You deserved it 7 992

Today, I found out I'm the only one in my family to wash their hands after they use the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 338

You deserved it 3 710

Today, I took my car through the car wash. I got bored, so turned the radio on, forgetting that the aerial/antenna on the car is automatic. My car aerial is now bent at a 90 degree angle and about to fall off. The radio is half white noise, half stuff that may or may not be free jazz jam sessions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 709

You deserved it 35 351

Today, despite been married for less than two days, my husband has managed to lose his wedding ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 825

You deserved it 138

Today, I started the job of my dreams, which I’ve spent 20 years trying to get, only to get a call that my mom, who supported me when no one else would or could, went into a coma. I didn’t even get to tell her I started the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 977

You deserved it 106