Today, the chronic nerve inflammation in my right arm decided to come back with vengeance. Anti-inflammatory drugs don't help me anymore and the school year hasn't even started yet. I'm studying illustration. FML
Zivc tells us more.
Zivc 3
OP here :) Had to make an account to say - thank you! Talked to my mother and it seems she also has her nerve pinched at the elbow so I guess I inherited it. Unfortunately, looking at my chosen field :P And I've already spent 3 years studying, I am definetly NOT giving up now just because of some stupid uncooperative arm. Also because university here is free, but only if you finish it on the first try. You get one extra year if you want to change fields or fail a year or whatever, but that's it. Everything else you have to pay. Unfortunately I already spent my extra year due to unrelated medical reasons. Oh well...
Today, like every day she works, my roommate once again put on a ton on perfume before work because she doesn't shower. She's gone, but this smell will be here for hours. FML
Today, my partner convinced both of our little brothers that we are naming our son Obi-Wan. They now won't stop rubbing my belly and quoting Star Wars. This is going to be one long Christmas. FML
Today, I had guests over for a Christmas party. One of them wore new blue jeans and managed to get large dye stains on three different walls. They won't come off. Guess who has to paint his living room again. FML
Today, while getting intimate with my boyfriend, I thought he went to change the music on his phone. He'd actually stopped mid-action just to check sports scores. FML
Today, I received the good news that my spine looks normal. Either the degenerative disc that was diagnosed 5 years prior magically healed, or my current doctor is an idiot. Considering that it's felt like someone is chiseling into my spine for some days, I'm leaning toward the latter. FML
Today, I finally went to my boyfriend's house to meet his family. When they were giving me a tour of the house, I noticed a Nazi flag on my boyfriend's bedroom door. FML
Today, I explained to my boss what clickbait is and why it's bad practice to use it when writing online. After my explanation, she ordered me to go ahead with it, saying it's "exactly what we need". This person is the marketing communications director for a major multinational company. FML
Today, my roommates adopted two kittens without consulting me. We're not allowed to have pets in our apartment and I'm severely allergic to cats. Oh well, it's not like I needed to be able to breathe this summer. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she won't have sex with me anymore. When I asked her why, she said I've lost too much weight and I now look like her son. Her son is 4 feet tall and 9 years-old. I'm 6 feet tall and 30 years old. She said that having sex with me feels like having sex with her son. FML
Today, the first guy I tried to have sex with at university got his foreskin stuck in his zip and had to go to hospital for stitches. He told all his friends I did it on purpose with my teeth during a blowjob. I now have a reputation, so I guess I'm staying single for the next 3 years. FML
Today, as I was perusing old photos with my mother, I found one of her with a "childhood friend" at her wedding to my dad. Now I know where my green eyes and blotchy neck birthmark came from, and it's not from the man I’ve been calling "dad" for 40 years. FML
Today, my wife was so sick of being isolated with the kids while I, a key worker, got to "escape" to work everyday, that she locked herself in our room and got completely trashed on my cider, meaning I had to stay at home with the kids instead of helping my elderly patients. FML
Today, a learner driver was practicing maneuvers in the parking lot at work. This happens a lot, and my colleagues and I usually have fun watching and laughing. It was all fun and games as usual, until the learner crashed into my car. FML
Today, I went to work 300 miles away from where I live. I couldn't find my customer's address, so I decided to call him. I'd picked up my wireless house phone instead of my mobile. FML
Today, when I came home, my dildo was placed in the middle of the bed. I last put it in my drawer. I only live with my dad. FML
Today, I’ve spent ages trying to achieve the shade of red hair, getting various similar tattoos, and getting green contacts so I can be the exact replica of the girl my ex-fiancé left me for so I can win him back. He still prefers to be with her. What else am I missing then? FML
Today, I discovered why the toilet seat is often sticky in the morning. My husband is too lazy to lift the seat, instead opting to pee all over it and sleepily wipe it down with loo paper if he notices a splash. He doesn't see why it's a problem since he 'cleans' it. FML
Today, I was woken up from a dead sleep because a bug had fallen into my ear. I could hear it moving around in there, and it took me an hour with a blade of grass in my ear to get it to climb its way back out. FML
ErinShannon tells us more.
ErinShannon 27
OP here, I freaked out the first few minutes and was like " DAD THERE IS A ******* BUG IN MY EAR WHAT DO I DO?!?! " and kept trying to dig it out. So I googled " what to do when a bug falls into you ear. " top suggestion was to not stick anything ( like fingers ) in there to get it out because you could push it further in and to get some grass so the bug can climb onto something it knows to escape. So thats what I did. If I had of kept looking there were probably easier ways but at the time I was worried it would go deeper or something. It is the grossest, weirdest sounding and feeling I have ever experienced. Especially since whatever it was, it had wings and was trying to fly inside my damn ear. Banging ones head against a pillow while laying down doesnt help either, just made it make more noise. Thanks for all comments saying I was brave. Haha.
Today, I woke my boyfriend up at 7 a.m. to have sex. I thought the sex was great, but later he kept complaining, "I can't believe you woke me up so early." FML
Today, I found out that my boss's ex-husband is my company manager. They are one office space apart and constantly shouting about one another. I'm in that one office space between them. In the office across from me? Their daughter. FML
Today, my 28-year-old brother screamed at me and outed me to our very religious, homophobic parents because I wouldn't let him shock his friend with an electric dog collar. FML
Today, my fiancé is going to Planned Parenthood to see if he got herpes from a prostitute. FML
Today, I spent two hours trying to catch a urine sample whilst at urgent care due to my inability to pee in public restrooms. I finally managed one, and was so excited by my success that I fumbled it and spilled it on my pants. FML
Today, my new futon mattress arrived. Upon laying it out on the frame, I realized IKEA has whack bed sizings. When I went to return the mattress for a queen, they informed me a queen mattress wouldn't be here until sometime next week. I already threw out my old crappy mattress. FML
Today, because I left my wallet at home, I got arrested for "underage smoking." I'm 32 years old. FML
Today, I lost the 5 pounds I had gained over the last few weeks. I had vowed to do whatever it took to lose that weight, and I actually did, when I caught a horrible stomach bug. I'd eat my words, but I'm pretty sure I'd just end up throwing them up. FML
Today, a customer asked a question I couldn’t answer. I asked if she would wait while I consulted someone else, but she spat in my face and stormed off. My manager saw, wrote me up for refusing to help, and gave the woman a gift card for her troubles. FML
Today, after years of going through hell to get my tonsils removed as an adult, I found out that they were my first line of defense against allergies. I used to have a very light reaction. Now my doc is making personal calls to get me to an allergist immediately. FML
reyah49 tells us more.
reyah49 15
OP here.. my "years of hell" were years of having strep throat, tonsillitis, etc at least 4 times a year, usually more. You cant go to work with this more often than not so i was constantly missing school and then work. No one outright said "I'm not taking your tonsils out", they'd just treat the symptoms and move on. Finally i asked to be sent to an ENT and there was no doubt in his mind that they needed out. He said it should've been done when i was constantly being sent home from school (over 10 years ago). Since i got them out I've now found a new primary doctor who I'd recommend to everyone. He is the one who called his allergist buddy on their personal cell phones during my appointment and scheduled me in before the clinic even opened. Turns out I'm allergic to every kind of grass that grows here in "the natural state". Honestly explains a lot.
Today, on the crowded train, a cute guy called me over and told me to stand next to him because there were less people there. We started talking, but he left before I could get his number. Just when I was about to tell my friends about it, I find out that he stole my phone. FML
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