Today, my grandmother threatened to kill herself with a banana. She then got angry with me when I didn't attempt to get the banana away from her. My mom punished me because I didn't take the situation seriously enough. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my psycho grandma yelled at me for being an "immature brat" by not offering to wash the dishes after dinner. I reminded her that when I offered last time, she raged at me for being "condescending." She responded by faking a heart attack and getting me indefinitely grounded. FML
Today, as I have been for 10 years, I'm allergic to fruit. After an argument with my mother, she yelled, "Here, have a banana and go kill yourself!" FML
Today, my mom tried to ground me. In the apartment that I own. Because I didn't eat enough of the dinner that I'd made. FML
Today, I went to see my grandmother. She has Alzheimer's and doesn't remember me sometimes, and today she thought I was her sister and that I was trying to steal my grandfather from her. She hit me with a cane and called me a slut. FML
Today, I briefly left my laptop while I went to use the toilet. When I came back, I found "I" had posted on Facebook, calling my mom a "stupid cunt who should just stay in the kitchen." The only other person home at the time was my grandpa. She didn't believe it, and permanently grounded me. FML
Today, I had to warn my wife not to kill her insane mother. I was serious. FML
Today, I visited my grandma. Shortly after I arrived, she freaked out after finding a "snake" in her closet. It was a rubber snake that my brother must have put there yesterday as a prank. I picked it up and told her it was fake. She then yelled at me for playing such a disgusting prank on her. FML
Today, my mother and I got into an argument, and she told me to go to my room. I refused, prompting her to slap the shit out of me. I'm 29, and she was visiting me at my own house. FML
Today, I was in a grocery store with my great-grandmother. It would've been nice to know she hadn't taken her medication before she started beating the cashier with her umbrella. FML
Today, I got slapped in the face by my girlfriend with a banana skin, because I finished up the chocolate cake. FML
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Top comments
arniebrah 8
Lol that's like 3 FMLs in one
BuffaloSabres134 8
I hate it when that happens.
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Comments (192)
whY402Jay 12
You're supposed to take all threats seriously. You failed.
Unbweavable 17
This comment failed
Hiimhaileypotter 53
Why would she take the threat of someone killing themselves with a banana seriously? I mean, yeah, I guess it's possible, but it would've been a lot more freak out-worthy if Nana had been holding a knife instead. OP, I don't think you should've been punished. I probably would've laughed had this happened to me, actually. :P
PYLrulz 17
Unless the banana was hiding a pistol, I highly doubt a banana will kill
RedPillSucks 33
a good ninja can kill with any weapon.
coolcocoxxx 12
Probably one of the best FML's I've read in a while. Bananas are very dangerous weapons. Banana threats are not to be taken lightly.
lilysmiles143 0
jajajajajajajaja!!!!
DomDomxoxo 16
In english it's: hahahahahahahaha.
MedKits 9
Not everyone speaks English, or prefers to speak it, thanks.
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
We all laugh in the same language, technically. All I could picture when I read "jajajajajajaja" was a German going "yesyesyesyesyesyes".
smydiwannafthata 5
Be careful. Situations like these can be potential banana skin.
SouthernPride95 19
What??
peve3 12
She just wanted your attention. Although, she may have gone about it the wrong way...
queen_awks 16
I'd say she's got plenty of attention now, so really she went about it very well!
psychaddict 0
21- It depends on what the respective audience she wished to appeal toward was. I'm guessing dear old Granny didn't expect to be the subject of one of the most hilarious FMLs ever. Well, you can't always get what you want...
KMFiredancer 0
45 - I guess OP didn't find that way very a-peeling. ... I'll just go now
KitGrey 4
Well she's crazy and suicidal so I guess your mum has a point. Even if a banana does not. Ahahaha.
lonkite101 14
Old people these days....
Bekll 31
That reminds me of when Dan's mother on Roseanne tried to choke her son with a teabag string! Old ladies can use any kitchen item for killing.
aJaguarinRed 9
Death by Banana---- you're doing it wrong.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Mario Kart begs to differ.
perdix 31
Your mom is right! The old bat could slip on a banana peel, break a hip and then not make it through hip replacement surgery. Old folks do things so slowly and anti-climatically.