Today, my psycho grandma yelled at me for being an "immature brat" by not offering to wash the dishes after dinner. I reminded her that when I offered last time, she raged at me for being "condescending." She responded by faking a heart attack and getting me indefinitely grounded. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, it's been one week since my demented grandma babysat my five-year-old daughter while my husband took me to a fancy restaurant. Now she's taken to screaming and calling me a "damn commie" whenever I discipline or say no to her. FML
Today, my grandmother threatened to kill herself with a banana. She then got angry with me when I didn't attempt to get the banana away from her. My mom punished me because I didn't take the situation seriously enough. FML
Today, I had a fight with my grandma again with whom I've been living for four years due to college hostel being below par. She blamed me for destroying her kitchen equipment by extensively cooking, especially at night. I've never placed a foot inside her kitchen since the beginning. FML
Today, my normally very modest and prissy mom came home, pissed off about something. I asked her what was wrong, but she wouldn't say, and snapped at me to "fuck off." She then grounded me for "making" her use that kind of "vile language." FML
Today, I got home to my grandma yelling at the top of her lungs that I didn't do everything I was supposed to when I was home. I literally washed dishes, cleaned counters, vacuumed, gathered trash, AND cleaned the bathroom. I didn't fold my blankets. That's it. That's what she was yelling about. FML
Today, I briefly left my laptop while I went to use the toilet. When I came back, I found "I" had posted on Facebook, calling my mom a "stupid cunt who should just stay in the kitchen." The only other person home at the time was my grandpa. She didn't believe it, and permanently grounded me. FML
Today, my mom tried to ground me. In the apartment that I own. Because I didn't eat enough of the dinner that I'd made. FML
Today, my slightly batshit insane grandma called me disgusting and unladylike. Why? For writing with my left hand. FML
Today, my grandmother told me to say "sofa king retarded" really fast. Not only did it take me several attempts to figure out what it meant, I'm now grounded by my mother for having a foul mouth. FML
Today, I decided to spend a few days at my grandma's house, to help her clean the place up a bit. So far, she's given me a "no masturbating under my roof" talk, used multiple racist slurs, and yelled "QUIET DOWN!" when I so much as sneezed in the next room. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
thelindseyyy 4
...gotta love the holidays, where you're forced to deal with crazy-ass relatives.
akallaan 7
You just can't win...
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (86)
turtlemanz 8
Wow thanks grandma
howdeedoo 22
You're welcome ;)
SuperKnuckels 6
playing the Redd Foxx card eh grandma, well played.
thelindseyyy 4
...gotta love the holidays, where you're forced to deal with crazy-ass relatives.
jetsown08 21
To be honest, simply reading all these old people FMLs greatly enrages me. I can only imagine how bad holidays get for those with similar relatives... *massive spine-rupturing shiver*
Lennes 12
There's nothing quite like the holidays to remind us all how blessed we are that our extended family doesn't live with us.
Mearemoi 14
#42 - I resent that. I have to live with my grandmother and she rages out on my every day :(
akallaan 7
You just can't win...
Tali147 16
Especially when your grandmother isn't afraid to fake a heart attack!
MrSassypants 34
You may be able to win. You talk to her afterwards and say you'll try to give her a real heart attack by randomly scaring her at one point but not do so to make her just scared.... which may lead to a real heart attack.... hmm. I suppose you can't win.
llamafish 25
I think it depends on what we define as a "win".
JenkJenks 6
The opposite of Losing
BlueFlatts 20
OP should have pretended to be sick.
llamafish 25
I mean it depends on whether a real heart attack would or would not be considered a victory for OP.
charlton2142 5
Rough luck!
KommanderKush420 5
Which would explain why it's on FML >.>
JAMSM 6
Might I step in for you, Charlton, to say: Touché
charlton2142 5
Ill allow it
thehornytoad 7
Its TOUGH luck
BlueMoonCafe 12
Some people are just hard to please. It was immature on her part to flip out over something like dishes in the first place.
winkydog4056 16
#5_Totally irrelevant, but Winky LOVES your profile pic!!!!!!!!!! Classic Winnie the Shit & Piglet too......the best!
CharresBarkrey 16
Winnie the Shit? YOU'RE RUINING MY CHILDHOOD, WINKY!
ladiesman219 4
Grandaughter: 0 Grandma: 1
Klug_fml 7
I take it that you had a nice Christmas then?
howdeedoo 22
Yes, I agree. I mean, who doesn't like being grounded?
PrincessLiLi_fml 7
Stoners.
herpderpherpderp 13
old people these days..
BryanThaMan 14
Sounds like someone had one cup too many of "Christmas cheer" ;)
SystemofaBlink41 27
Can you enlightnen me? I don't get it...
DanielleinDC 34
If Grandma had had any Christmas cheer, she wouldn't have flipped out over OP not doing the dishes or, when reminded of her negative reaction last time, would not have faked a heart attack. Grandma is like the Grinch.
SquishFish 15
Respond by faking an allergic reaction to water as you're doing the dishes next time
howdeedoo 22
54-There are people who have serious allergic reactions to skin contact with water. They can drink it, but if it spills on them or something they have a reaction
owo_fml 9
How do they shower?
nightDREAMERms 6
They had a small documentary on all that. If you search around, I'm sure you'll find it. Long story short, they limit the time they spend in the shower, and how often they do it; They end up covered in red irritated rashes every time.