Today, my grandmother threatened to kill herself with a banana. She then got angry with me when I didn't attempt to get the banana away from her. My mom punished me because I didn't take the situation seriously enough. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my psycho grandma yelled at me for being an "immature brat" by not offering to wash the dishes after dinner. I reminded her that when I offered last time, she raged at me for being "condescending." She responded by faking a heart attack and getting me indefinitely grounded. FML
Today, as I have been for 10 years, I'm allergic to fruit. After an argument with my mother, she yelled, "Here, have a banana and go kill yourself!" FML
Today, my mom tried to ground me. In the apartment that I own. Because I didn't eat enough of the dinner that I'd made. FML
Today, I went to see my grandmother. She has Alzheimer's and doesn't remember me sometimes, and today she thought I was her sister and that I was trying to steal my grandfather from her. She hit me with a cane and called me a slut. FML
Today, I briefly left my laptop while I went to use the toilet. When I came back, I found "I" had posted on Facebook, calling my mom a "stupid cunt who should just stay in the kitchen." The only other person home at the time was my grandpa. She didn't believe it, and permanently grounded me. FML
Today, I had to warn my wife not to kill her insane mother. I was serious. FML
Today, I visited my grandma. Shortly after I arrived, she freaked out after finding a "snake" in her closet. It was a rubber snake that my brother must have put there yesterday as a prank. I picked it up and told her it was fake. She then yelled at me for playing such a disgusting prank on her. FML
Today, my mother and I got into an argument, and she told me to go to my room. I refused, prompting her to slap the shit out of me. I'm 29, and she was visiting me at my own house. FML
Today, I was in a grocery store with my great-grandmother. It would've been nice to know she hadn't taken her medication before she started beating the cashier with her umbrella. FML
Today, I got slapped in the face by my girlfriend with a banana skin, because I finished up the chocolate cake. FML
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Top comments
arniebrah 8
Lol that's like 3 FMLs in one
BuffaloSabres134 8
I hate it when that happens.
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Comments (192)
kcabrera01 2
This is by far the best one I've ever seen on here!!
bwtchinheels 0
I think you need to think about moving out soon if you haven't already...
Mademoiselle_fml 34
What if your grandma was deathly allergic to bananas?
fuqsam 5
Does she have a potassium deficiency? If not its gonna take a long time to beat herself to death with a banana...
stlim93 5
Sounds like your grandma wanted to choke herself to death >.
ArchaeologyDude1 5
I'm sorry, what???? O__o
lainyann123 9
Wmwdgwmwgggggggw
alejo_O 2
If she is on dialysis, that potassium will definitely kill her
bkropp 0
At least it wasnt an apple. Those are deadly
aardvarkish 17
Didn't Chuck Norris take a bunch of foreskins with a banana?