Today, my grandmother threatened to kill herself with a banana. She then got angry with me when I didn't attempt to get the banana away from her. My mom punished me because I didn't take the situation seriously enough. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my psycho grandma yelled at me for being an "immature brat" by not offering to wash the dishes after dinner. I reminded her that when I offered last time, she raged at me for being "condescending." She responded by faking a heart attack and getting me indefinitely grounded. FML
Today, as I have been for 10 years, I'm allergic to fruit. After an argument with my mother, she yelled, "Here, have a banana and go kill yourself!" FML
Today, my mom tried to ground me. In the apartment that I own. Because I didn't eat enough of the dinner that I'd made. FML
Today, I went to see my grandmother. She has Alzheimer's and doesn't remember me sometimes, and today she thought I was her sister and that I was trying to steal my grandfather from her. She hit me with a cane and called me a slut. FML
Today, I briefly left my laptop while I went to use the toilet. When I came back, I found "I" had posted on Facebook, calling my mom a "stupid cunt who should just stay in the kitchen." The only other person home at the time was my grandpa. She didn't believe it, and permanently grounded me. FML
Today, I had to warn my wife not to kill her insane mother. I was serious. FML
Today, I visited my grandma. Shortly after I arrived, she freaked out after finding a "snake" in her closet. It was a rubber snake that my brother must have put there yesterday as a prank. I picked it up and told her it was fake. She then yelled at me for playing such a disgusting prank on her. FML
Today, my mother and I got into an argument, and she told me to go to my room. I refused, prompting her to slap the shit out of me. I'm 29, and she was visiting me at my own house. FML
Today, I was in a grocery store with my great-grandmother. It would've been nice to know she hadn't taken her medication before she started beating the cashier with her umbrella. FML
Today, I got slapped in the face by my girlfriend with a banana skin, because I finished up the chocolate cake. FML
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Top comments
arniebrah 8
Lol that's like 3 FMLs in one
BuffaloSabres134 8
I hate it when that happens.
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Comments (192)
redreynard 14
I'll have you know that banana suicides happen 5x a day across the nation and are quite gruesome.
jaredofmo 22
You could choke yourself on a banana, I guess.
BIGBOY4rmAHM 19
She could of had an overdose of potassium!
Stormdriven37 6
You sir, have just made my day with this comment.
EagorLuvsBigFoot 8
It wasn't THAT good
immaMonsta 8
Your mother is absolutely 100% correct! Your grandmother could've choked herself to death! Shame on you for not taking the situation seriously.
FMLsOhilarious 6
I don't see why people are voting you down. You were clearly being sarcastic...
ucoolgirl31 20
She might choke on it when she deep throats!!
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
Bad mental image...
NIRVANA1990s 1
dear lord. how does that happen all In one time?
RedPillSucks 33
Maybe she was going to ****** herself to death, using it has a *****. Steely Dan, anyone?
darkangel752 2
Bananas are deadly, didn't you know that!? Lol
FML_14u2c 14
Bananas are dangerous! (LOL) 1. You can choke if you put it down your throat before peeling it. 2. You can slip and fall on the peel. 3. The potassium can stop your heart. (After about 100 bananas, but still...) Either way, FYL OP.
FMLsOhilarious 6
Bananas, they're out to get us all with their high potassium-nism!!