Today, my husband of 3 years learned that he's going to be a father. No, I'm not pregnant. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Congrats!
Today, I found out my husband is having a baby. Too bad I'm not pregnant. FML
Classic Dave
Today, after years of trying, I got the wonderful news that my husband is going to be a father. Too bad I’m not the mother. FML
Today, I found out that I'm going to be a father. Too bad I can't tell my wife. FML
Today, I found out my soon-to-be husband and father of my unborn child is already married to another man. FML
Today, my husband decided it was time to tell me he had a 3 year old son. We have been married for 5 years. FML
Planned parenthood
Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. I also found out that the dad has a fiancée. FML
Today, I received several texts congratulating me on my pregnancy. It turns out that my husband announced he is going to be a father on Facebook, which I don't use. I'm not pregnant. FML
Today, my husband of 6 years said in a grave voice that he had some important news for me. Jokingly, I said, "Why, did you get that cute colleague of yours pregnant?" He did. FML
Today, after months of trying, my wife of seven years told me she is finally pregnant. I'm going to be an uncle. FML
Today, I was told by my wife that we were going to be parents. We are both females. FML
Top comments
flashback.miss 28
And that was when you delivered a well-deserved kick to his testicles before tossing him out on the street, right? My condolences, OP.
CharresBarkrey 16
Or people who use the idiotic logic of "Well, you must be doing something wrong if he's looking elsewhere for sex."
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Comments (159)
flashback.miss 28
And that was when you delivered a well-deserved kick to his testicles before tossing him out on the street, right? My condolences, OP.
botanistjessica 24
Okay...downvote me if you must, but I absolutely have to know what's going on in #2's profile pic...
rosha267 21
Screw your picture! I'm going to have nightmares now
ShadowNinja445 12
119, it's what they call "leeching". They attach a leech to your eye and it supposedly rids the body of toxins.
botanistjessica 24
Yeah...**** that shit.
happylappy 21
I hope he's your soon to be ex husband!
stepherz89 17
Cheating husbands who blame their wives for their own affairs probably
SirTalkaton 22
Oh wow look at the time, I've gotta be going now got more important people to be with who won't be cheating scumbags. Take care now bye bye then.
Sylvasa 15
i don't get why this got downvoted so much. you were obviously stating what OP should be saying to her husband.
NeoMatrix25 12
A fitting, parting gift would be a kick to the junk. This ensures that he never commits this crime again
CharresBarkrey 16
Or people who use the idiotic logic of "Well, you must be doing something wrong if he's looking elsewhere for sex."
mybarra6 17
People who cheat are pathetic. How hard is to remain faithful? Not at all! I'm sorry that you have to deal with someone like that OP.
Vinnie500 14
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Lol. Your fault for not being able to satisfy him and keep him from straying.
CharresBarkrey 16
Oh Jesus. It didn't take very long for some ******* idiot to comment with this logic. Congrats, 9.
spaboolly 26
I really hope that was meant as a joke about #7's post. If not, well... I would have some choice words for you that wouldn't be appropriate for a public forum.
Vinnie500 14
Get butt hurt some more, just because you pack two inches in your shorts doesn't mean you have to be mad at the world. @ #14
ElmoSaysSquishy 28
22 I pack a ****** and still think you're an inconsiderate dick.
FiFiLovee 26
#9: Because **** logic, right? -.- You douchebag. And insulting others only shows how pathetic and insecure you really are. Ashamed of your tiny penis are you? God surely has a sense of humor; He created you. But hey, even The Man Upstairs makes mistakes, obviously.
xxGheTToGumbYxx 16
Lol he's just trying to piss you guys off.
davincidasecond 24
Comment all you want on another man's junk 22, but you're still an idiot. And the hole you're digging for yourself is just getting bigger and bigger.
Vinnie500 14
@ #41Wow, REALLY at 18 years old you know EVERYTHING about relationships. Please little girl grow up at live life a actually LOVE someone before you try and question my comments
Vinnie500 14
@ #22 read the above reply.
Vinnie500 14
I have to laugh. This is why this world is going to SHIT. Too many bleeding hearts that can't take a little criticism with out needing a pill of some sort to get over it. Hence, why EVERY post I have made gets block by whiners.
rocker_chick105 31
I think it's going to shit because people make fun of others on FML of all places... but that's just me.
Dthnte 15
Now you're mocking depression? You are a major asshole.
Vinnie500 14
What?!?! Are you for real. Where did I ever mention depression??? There is a pill for everything now a days. Idiot.
Vinnie500 14
Really @17 what do you really have to be depressed about?? Get a bad grade?? Get dumped by your high school sweetie?? Try living with this like I do every day. I served in Iraq with people under my command, 4 of them will never come home. I live with that burden everyday, now what do you really have to be depressed about??
Chloe555_fml 27
Why don't you go cry about it.
Vinnie500 14
Why don't you sign up and serve? Oh wait, too scared?? That's what I thought.
Chloe555_fml 27
Nah, I have enough fun taking care of your crazy asses in the hospital.
Vinnie500 14
Oh, but you could do that IN the military. Again, scared. Enough said. You want us there to protect your freedoms but too scared to actually do anything yourself.
Chloe555_fml 27
Not scared, just smart :)
_DudeGuy_ 16
71, thank you for your service. Now that that's said. Are you a ******* idiot or an Internet troll? Every statement you've made makes you sound like an ignorant and incompetent asshole. Please, military march off this website.
Vinnie500 14
Nope, scared. You are willing to let others bleed while you sit around and never have to sacrifice anything.
_DudeGuy_ 16
75, I don't know why you made this an argument about military, because it in no way relates to the FML.
Vinnie500 14
@74, REALLY?!?! You are going to thank me, then call me an asshole because I CHOOSE to have an opinion of my own that isn't in line with the masses? Sheep, stop posting until you can have an original thought
Chloe555_fml 27
I guess you missed the "hospital" part, we sort of prevent that from happening. Well this battle with short bus has tuckered me out. Off to sleep so I can work again and save lives.
_DudeGuy_ 16
77, I am not calling you an asshole for your opinion. I'm calling you an asshole for how rude and condescending you're being.
Vinnie500 14
@79 Guess YOU missed the fact that the military has hospitals in combat zones to take care of people that get wounded serving. Now, stop posting you ignorant twit.
Vinnie500 14
@80. I NEVER made this about the military. I made that comment to another poster, because they said I was trying to make this thread about depression. Which I was not. It was meant to show that I have more to be depressed about than they do. Even though I am not depressed.
_DudeGuy_ 16
81, her job as a nurse is to save people's lives.Your job as a solider is to save (and take) people's lives. Just because her job isn't on the battlefield, doesn't make it any less noble of a profession. Now, I vote we end this argument before we both get down voted to hell.
Vinnie500 14
@81, yet another want to be smart guy. Read the post above, if she really wanted to, she could serve as a nurse IN the military. She is just too scared to.
_DudeGuy_ 16
Or, I don't know, she has a family, a life, a good paying job? Just because she doesn't work as a nurse on the battlefield, doesn't mean she doesn't do good. Statistically, she's probably saved more people's lives than you have.
DocBastard 40
Wow. This thread makes me weep. First, I weep for the people who thought arguing with a moron would get them somewhere. Second, I weep for Vinnie who's so ******* clueless he thinks that when husbands cheat it's their wives' faults for not keeping them satisfied. Third, I weep for Vinnie again for trying to deflect his stupidity by turning this into a "I'M A BIG TOUGH GUY, YOU'RE WEAK" thread because he has no other argument. Seriously Vinnie, knock it off. No one agrees with you, and everyone can already tell that you're an idiot without you saying anything more. You're making yourself look more foolish with each new comment.
Vinnie500 14
Oh, so what you are saying is that us soldiers DON'T have good family lives, or good jobs. Thanks for showing me the stupidity I am protecting. Do you have ANY clue as to how many birthdays, anniversaries, child's births, and holidays with relatives we soldiers have missed because we serve?? And you are right, she may have saved more lives than me. But guess what, the ONLY reason that you enjoy the freedoms that you do is because rough men, like myself an my ilk, stand ready to do violence on you behalf. Think on that one. Can the moderators please ban this idiot.
_DudeGuy_ 16
Vinni, I never said soldiers didn't have families I'm sure they do, I was saying that she might not want to go into the military because of kids. As for calling me an idiot, I'm an algebra 1 student, who studies calculus and physics in my free time.
Vinnie500 14
@86. WOW, how pathetic you are. I don't care what you or any of the other pathetic sheep on this site think. I WILL speak my mind when and where I choose. Just because you don't like what I have to say, doesn't mean that I am not going to say it.
_DudeGuy_ 16
Stop calling us sheep. Just because we all have the same opinion, doesn't mean someone is controlling us.
Vinnie500 14
@Dude, that is exactly what you were saying. And what you don't think soldier can't have families or children?? Show your stupidity some more. And WHAT EXACTLY do you think I mean by calling you all sheep?? What do sheep do, they all go the same way when prodded. That is exactly what everyone here is doing. Going with the group because they don't want to rock the proverbial boat.
_DudeGuy_ 16
We're not going with the group because we are scared, we're goings with the group because we agree with the group. Second of all, you're the only one here who thinks I am an idiot. Everyone else thinks you're an idiot. Third of all, I never said that military soldiers have to have kids, I'm sure some don't, and some do. Now stop fighting a losing battle and leave. I do not care that you were a soldier, you have no right to be so motherfucking rude. Also, I would like to inform you that I am one of the smartest 13 year olds you'll ever meet.
Vinnie500 14
@Dude, you aren't going with the group because you want to, you are going with the group because you HAVE to. You have ABSOLUTELY no experience in this area so therefor you have no room to speak on the subject. That is why you are an idiot. You jump into a conversation you have NO place in. I am glad that you are soooooooo smart at a WHOPPING 13 years old. Please, oh please, enlighten me with your wealth of knowledge. Go sit in the corner child, ADULTS are speaking here. You have no place in this conversation.
Vinnie500 14
@Dude, does your mommy know that you are on the computer?? Shouldn't you go back to playing Pokemon or something??
_DudeGuy_ 16
Alright, age means nothing. I spend all night studying physics, and go on this before I go to bed and in the morning. Second of all, given you're argument, you are stupider than a 13 year old. Thirdly, I would like to question your assumption that I know nothing of this area. There's this thing, it's called a book, it gives us knowledge on all subject areas. Also, my mom does know I'm on the computer, and I outgrew Pokemon when I was 5. Stop being condescending, because anyone here would say I'm smarter than you after looking over this argument.
Welshite 40
Vinnie500: DudeGuy actually sounds more intelligent than you in this particular argument. Now before the mods come and delete this thread, you really need to shut up. No one cares that you've become embittered to life.
DocBastard 40
Fine Vinnie, I'M am adult. Speak to me, you condescending prick. I'm not a sheep because I disagree with you. I have my own thoughts which happen to be the same as everyone else's because we aren't morons. Now you can't be rude to me because I'm younger than you (because I'm not), you can't be rude to me because I haven't saved lives (because I have). So I'm wondering how you'll be rude to me now. Aaaaand go.
_DudeGuy_ 16
This thread was moderated to hell.
Vinnie500 14
Are you SERIOUS?!? In this conversation, age and experience mean EVERYTHING. You haven't even made it through puberty and you are trying to talk about LOVE?? A subject you know ABSOLUTELY NOTHING about. As for getting love experiences out of a book, good luck with the what are you reading romance novels?
_DudeGuy_ 16
First of all, I've been in a relationship with a girl for 5 years, the girl I've liked since I first learned about love. Since you consider cheating okay, I'm going to assume this relationship has lasted longer than any of yours? Now, I believe docbastard was talking to you.
Vinnie500 14
@Doc, stop right there. You have got it all wrong. You have no room to tell me what I can or can not do. And as for you "opinion" it doesn't matter to me, as it is not valid due to the fact that you can not so you face to that public and have have to hide behind an avatar of your favorite weekend activity. @Dude, glad you have been able to hold hands with the same girl all the way through grade school. You still know absolutely nothing about love. Tell me, when was the last time you had you heart broken?? When were you ever cheated on?? All necessary components to this conversation. Experiences which YOU lack. Again, I ask you to go away child and let the adults speak.
_DudeGuy_ 16
I feel I've made my point. So I'm ending this argument before Vinnie gets us all banned.
gc327072 31
Guys, I reverse-searched this guy's profile image, that guy died in 2006. You're dealing with a troll. Have a nice day.
Vinnie500 14
@Dude, you have made no point other than that you never belonged in this conversation to begin with. I am glad that you finally can take some sage advice from some one three times your age.
_DudeGuy_ 16
First, anyone here would say you are the one that doesn't belong. Two, you were proven to be a troll. Three, I'm not taking any advice from you, because you're an awful person. fourth, I said the argument was over.
Vinnie500 14
@109, sorry I am VERY much alive, though did nearly die in 2007 in Iraq due to and IED. So please spout some more lies. I can prove what I say.
Vinnie500 14
@Dude, your right. I don't belong among you sheep. I form my own opinions and therefor can think for myself.
DocBastard 40
Vinnie - You still haven't said anything other than condescension and insults. My avatar is a patient of mine. The fact that I choose to use it makes my opinion (that you're an idiot) any less valid. Let's get away from the insults and try to get back to the actual issue, which is WHY you believe that it's the wife's fault when her husband cheats. I'd love to hear it.
socccer_chick_02 9
#106, good job for serving in the military but guess what? That doesn't automatically make you a good guy. Yeah sure you are defending your country, from wars that you Americans have created. Now you say age matters? Since you think that cheating is okay, I am going to suspect that my four year long relationship is longer than any of your relationships. Also you don't need to be cheated on to have experience in dating you asshole. I've never been cheated on and I have probably more experience than you do, seeing as I have a relationship. No one deserves to be cheated on. Except for maybe you.
Vinnie500 14
Evidently, you can't read my argument for why it is partially the wife's fault, is simply this, there was some aspect to her marriage that was lacking (she was not satisfying her husband in). I NEVER said that it was right for him to cheat, I just stated that all the blame shouldn't fall onto the husband. Marriage like any relationship is a two way street.
socccer_chick_02 9
You know, I honestly think this guy is a troll who just took a google image off the Internet of a military man, to make his sad life of living in his mothers basement seem better.
Vinnie500 14
ANYTIME you want to check my records I will tell you how to get in touch with the DMDC(Defense Manpower Data Center). So keep spitting your stupidity little girl.
kidsgotastinky 11
Lmao 420
Wizardo 34
Time to make some new lifestyle choices... like is this grade A A-hole going to be part of your life?