Today, my grandmother threatened to kill herself with a banana. She then got angry with me when I didn't attempt to get the banana away from her. My mom punished me because I didn't take the situation seriously enough. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my psycho grandma yelled at me for being an "immature brat" by not offering to wash the dishes after dinner. I reminded her that when I offered last time, she raged at me for being "condescending." She responded by faking a heart attack and getting me indefinitely grounded. FML
Today, as I have been for 10 years, I'm allergic to fruit. After an argument with my mother, she yelled, "Here, have a banana and go kill yourself!" FML
Today, my mom tried to ground me. In the apartment that I own. Because I didn't eat enough of the dinner that I'd made. FML
Today, I went to see my grandmother. She has Alzheimer's and doesn't remember me sometimes, and today she thought I was her sister and that I was trying to steal my grandfather from her. She hit me with a cane and called me a slut. FML
Today, I briefly left my laptop while I went to use the toilet. When I came back, I found "I" had posted on Facebook, calling my mom a "stupid cunt who should just stay in the kitchen." The only other person home at the time was my grandpa. She didn't believe it, and permanently grounded me. FML
Today, I had to warn my wife not to kill her insane mother. I was serious. FML
Today, I visited my grandma. Shortly after I arrived, she freaked out after finding a "snake" in her closet. It was a rubber snake that my brother must have put there yesterday as a prank. I picked it up and told her it was fake. She then yelled at me for playing such a disgusting prank on her. FML
Today, my mother and I got into an argument, and she told me to go to my room. I refused, prompting her to slap the shit out of me. I'm 29, and she was visiting me at my own house. FML
Today, I was in a grocery store with my great-grandmother. It would've been nice to know she hadn't taken her medication before she started beating the cashier with her umbrella. FML
Today, I got slapped in the face by my girlfriend with a banana skin, because I finished up the chocolate cake. FML
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Top comments
arniebrah 8
Lol that's like 3 FMLs in one
BuffaloSabres134 8
I hate it when that happens.
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Comments (192)
ThisIsJoee 4
Clearly you've never had to deal with a situation like this....
Jiinxx 8
never underestimate the power of the notoriously dangerous banana.
greenie213 23
You've obviously never seen what a loaded bananas is capable of
Harpy20 24
I think we found the missing link to the stupidity in the new generation.
zenrael 21
Don't threaten to kill yourself, just do it.
mckaylanicole59 4
ehh. it happens.
noisebox 1
Yeah she could have slipped on it or use it as a gun to kill monkey ( types).....
WretchedOnyx 29
Has no one ever watched Monty Python's "And now for something conpletely different"? Bananas are highly dangerous fruit you know. Some random attacker could kill you easily, imagine what you could to to yourself with one of those! Lame joking aside, FYL OP. I honestly wouldn't have taken the situation very seriously either.
TheIchiban 11
Maybe granny is allergic to bananas.
janerose21 3
Frozen banana, sharpen it , use it as a murder weapon, wash it off and eat it to get rid of the evidence. See, a banana can be a dangerous weapon!!