Today, my grandmother threatened to kill herself with a banana. She then got angry with me when I didn't attempt to get the banana away from her. My mom punished me because I didn't take the situation seriously enough. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my psycho grandma yelled at me for being an "immature brat" by not offering to wash the dishes after dinner. I reminded her that when I offered last time, she raged at me for being "condescending." She responded by faking a heart attack and getting me indefinitely grounded. FML
Today, as I have been for 10 years, I'm allergic to fruit. After an argument with my mother, she yelled, "Here, have a banana and go kill yourself!" FML
Today, my mom tried to ground me. In the apartment that I own. Because I didn't eat enough of the dinner that I'd made. FML
Today, I went to see my grandmother. She has Alzheimer's and doesn't remember me sometimes, and today she thought I was her sister and that I was trying to steal my grandfather from her. She hit me with a cane and called me a slut. FML
Today, I briefly left my laptop while I went to use the toilet. When I came back, I found "I" had posted on Facebook, calling my mom a "stupid cunt who should just stay in the kitchen." The only other person home at the time was my grandpa. She didn't believe it, and permanently grounded me. FML
Today, I had to warn my wife not to kill her insane mother. I was serious. FML
Today, I visited my grandma. Shortly after I arrived, she freaked out after finding a "snake" in her closet. It was a rubber snake that my brother must have put there yesterday as a prank. I picked it up and told her it was fake. She then yelled at me for playing such a disgusting prank on her. FML
Today, my mother and I got into an argument, and she told me to go to my room. I refused, prompting her to slap the shit out of me. I'm 29, and she was visiting me at my own house. FML
Today, I was in a grocery store with my great-grandmother. It would've been nice to know she hadn't taken her medication before she started beating the cashier with her umbrella. FML
Today, I got slapped in the face by my girlfriend with a banana skin, because I finished up the chocolate cake. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
arniebrah 8
Lol that's like 3 FMLs in one
BuffaloSabres134 8
I hate it when that happens.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (192)
cfunk13 1
what the hell did i just read....
cfunk13 1
but tht really sux ass none the less yet funny
llortemageht 7
Maybe she was about to overdose on potassium from them
missyfiona89 28
Didn't u know that an average of 13% of suicides in America consist of bananas?
Leslier_fml 4
You should have played along. Lol
Jasonf6 0
Sounds like she's gonna be just like her mother: an idiot.
vanessaizawesome 8
Your grandmother really couldn't kill herself with a banana!
samikitty961 8
Sie isst die Banane, ohne was von den Folgen zu ahnen...
Spark_Slicker 19
In their defense, it WAS a banana.
stevo918 3
Knife or banana