Today, as I have been for 10 years, I'm allergic to fruit. After an argument with my mother, she yelled, "Here, have a banana and go kill yourself!" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my grandmother threatened to kill herself with a banana. She then got angry with me when I didn't attempt to get the banana away from her. My mom punished me because I didn't take the situation seriously enough. FML
Today, my mom made my favorite dessert, a pudding. For some reason, she decided to put strawberries in it. She knows I’m allergic to strawberries. She said, “Stop bitching. If you don’t like it, don’t eat it then. Problem solved.” FML
Today, my family had an argument with me because I bought the wrong kind of cheese. They never said what kind they wanted. The argument ended with my mother saying that she wished she could kill herself, because of how horrible of a person I am. FML
Today, my mom had a tantrum and screamed at me over my use of bronzer. She called me a selfish bitch and claimed that I'm somehow slowly giving myself skin cancer. FML
Today, I won a lifetime supply of pineapples. One problem, I'm allergic to pineapples. FML
Today, I got excited when I learned that the fruit on the trees by my apartment building was ripe and free to pick. I picked myself some juicy summer plums and enjoyed them. Minutes later, my tongue started burning painfully. Turns out, I'm allergic to plums. FML
Today, like every other day for many years, I have a phobia of bananas. This evening, the phobia came to a head when I had a nightmare in which I was stabbed to death by a gang of walking bananas. FML
Today, I got stung by a hornet. I asked my mum to pass me my allergy medication, but she refused, because they were my brother's, saying "he's allergic to bees and wasps!" No mum, wrong kid. FML
Today, after years of having seasonal allergies and months of having my throat close up, my mom agreed to see a doctor, only to insult me in front of the doctor, saying I just find new ways to make their lives harder and I'm probably making it all up. FML
Today, my mom baked a cake for the whole family. One spent EpiPen later, I found out there were nuts in it, which I'm severely allergic to. My mom's defense was that she thought I'd have "gotten over" my allergy by now. FML
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Top comments
dancer4moon 8
She's rude!
breakingbad_fml 27
At least she didn't try and kill you herself. With that being said: Your mom is rude. ***Didn't see that first comment there, sorry.
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Comments (224)
dancer4moon 8
She's rude!
TheZee 12
Really? I actually find the mom quite nice for saying that.
bananagrams 9
My mom did that except I'm not allergic to bananas, and she told me to do something else with it...
Maverick52 13
Am I the only one curious as to what 75's mom told them to do?
Cavebone 5
I don't know... maybe she's rude, or maybe she's just trying to plantain a seed in your head...
Maverick52 13
Bad! Bad Cavebone!! Now go to your room and think of this atrocity of a pun you just did!
MarkEternal02 19
... Mother knows best? (Pure sarcasm intended!)
stinewd 9
Listen to "mother knows best" from tangled. But I'm drunk as hell, what do I know! Happy new year
summy15423 12
That really is rude, but at least your mom didn't shove it down your throat or something. I would have taken the banana to scare her and then have thrown it at her face.
mariazzz 5
Am I the only one here that finds this post hilarious!
hiitisbrooke 28
111- Listen to your mumsy (:
sens3sfailing 25
81-their mother told them to go **** themselves -.- was it really that hard for you to get?
rangermedic77 5
Well that escalated quickly
Pewppew 1
The only comment that actually used any wit.
breakingbad_fml 27
At least she didn't try and kill you herself. With that being said: Your mom is rude. ***Didn't see that first comment there, sorry.
BlowinChronic 18
If she did kill her with the banana then we wouldn't have to worry about it happening ever again because the liberals would just campaign against our rights to have bananas.
insertnameherr 11
OP should throw it right back saying "Go **** yourself!"
rocketiquette 20
... With the banana
DKParth13 5
Is it me or there are no I agrees or ydi?
Hiimhaileypotter 53
#88 - I'd only suggest her telling her mother to go **** herself if she either A) isn't afraid of being grounded, or B) is too old to be grounded. :P
Zephianaxo 7
135- I'm on my iphone and its at 0/0 for me as well. Been happening to quite a few posts on my phone.
SillyGirl4602 23
I agree. It doesn't matter how mad a mother gets at their child. They should NEVER tell him/her to go like himself/herself.
Brett41 10
I really dont care for bananas. not so much the taste of them as it is the texture that gets to me. and the fact that its dick-shaped.. that too.
lilhellian 27
Hmm a banana, maybe she was hinting at something..
ittsdann 6
I think it was pretty obvious when she said here go kill yourself.
lilhellian 27
I mean why the banana. There are other fruit.. Subliminal messaging anyone?
ittsdann 6
Then she should of said "go **** yourself and die"
lilhellian 27
But that's not very lady-like!
docscientist 10
I'm sure youre reading too much into it.
1awliet 8
Maybe OP will be the first person to actually slip on a banana peel.
rebecamp494 5
Why would her mother insinuate her to **** herself? Someone needs to get their mind out of the gutter.. -.-
lilhellian 27
Life is not nearly as much fun as it is with it in! :)
poccocurantes 7
I think LH is trying to hit on the Freudian significance of the banana imagery. Why did OPs mom choose a fruit overwhelmingly phallic as opposed to an apple which clearly has both biblical and mythological significance. Or a star fruit that when viewed end on resembles an asshole. Too much?
supportcommand 17
Maybe she threw a banana because that's all that was there. It says nothing about her picking a banana over any other fruit.
lilhellian 27
Exactly #74, some people are just nutters
the_illuminated 4
Banana, gun, doesn't matter. They're both phallic tools of unimaginable destruction.
Wishez 12
I think OP needs to invest in a new mother.
Miss_Attitude96 24
"Batman, what comes out of the end of a gun?" "Injustice!" What comes out of the end of a banana? POTASSIUM!
LupeTabasco 5
BAN BANANAS!!!
shaebayla 6
I'm so sorry you have such a bitch for a mother.
SirCharles83 13
That makes op a son of a bitch. Or daughter I suppose.
MidnaLink 35
Reminds me of a far earlier FML
thebeautybleeds 17
Well. Take the banana and kill her with it?
StEpHiE1226 12
Meanie mommy!
LupusDie 9
Fake eating it and fake your death.
lilhellian 27
Something tells me if she sticks it in her mouth she will have a real allergic reaction..
llamafish 25
That's why she fakes eating it instead. I suspect it would have to be a bit less direct than simply sticking the banana into her mouth.
lilhellian 27
That's the only way I see making a believable fake attempt.. Ok I'm going to ask, am I the only one that can't keep a straight face when reading "stick it into her mouth" or some variance of that?
a1f0sff 25
It appears that you are 22.
Twilight_Sparkle_fml 8
Bananas, now the most lethal of weapons.
OhzTP 7
For 0.1% of the population
kathryn14 19
Wow. Harsh.
Carli_M 8
Tough love...