Today, my grandmother threatened to kill herself with a banana. She then got angry with me when I didn't attempt to get the banana away from her. My mom punished me because I didn't take the situation seriously enough. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my psycho grandma yelled at me for being an "immature brat" by not offering to wash the dishes after dinner. I reminded her that when I offered last time, she raged at me for being "condescending." She responded by faking a heart attack and getting me indefinitely grounded. FML
Today, as I have been for 10 years, I'm allergic to fruit. After an argument with my mother, she yelled, "Here, have a banana and go kill yourself!" FML
Today, my mom tried to ground me. In the apartment that I own. Because I didn't eat enough of the dinner that I'd made. FML
Today, I went to see my grandmother. She has Alzheimer's and doesn't remember me sometimes, and today she thought I was her sister and that I was trying to steal my grandfather from her. She hit me with a cane and called me a slut. FML
Today, I briefly left my laptop while I went to use the toilet. When I came back, I found "I" had posted on Facebook, calling my mom a "stupid cunt who should just stay in the kitchen." The only other person home at the time was my grandpa. She didn't believe it, and permanently grounded me. FML
Today, I had to warn my wife not to kill her insane mother. I was serious. FML
Today, I visited my grandma. Shortly after I arrived, she freaked out after finding a "snake" in her closet. It was a rubber snake that my brother must have put there yesterday as a prank. I picked it up and told her it was fake. She then yelled at me for playing such a disgusting prank on her. FML
Today, my mother and I got into an argument, and she told me to go to my room. I refused, prompting her to slap the shit out of me. I'm 29, and she was visiting me at my own house. FML
Today, I was in a grocery store with my great-grandmother. It would've been nice to know she hadn't taken her medication before she started beating the cashier with her umbrella. FML
Today, I got slapped in the face by my girlfriend with a banana skin, because I finished up the chocolate cake. FML
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Top comments
arniebrah 8
Lol that's like 3 FMLs in one
BuffaloSabres134 8
I hate it when that happens.
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Comments (192)
Medri 1
Not a very appealing way to go eh?
Taurus_ChicKa 37
Everyone saying she couldn't kill herself with a banana have obviously never heard of choking.
Loaf_of_soph 0
Well bananas are very dangerous...you can easily fall and break your head on one. I will be right back
bubo_fml 11
Next time, offer her a cucumber?
broim13calm_down 8
good thing she didn't Peel it or that would of finished everyone off.
linkinpark98 24
And why didn't you help her? Those bananas can be sneaky bastards! Haven't you seen in the movies when a banana peel suddenly pops out of nowhere and causes a ruckus?! D:
jampang6 5
What are you supposed to do in that situation?
alannaclay 2
Ok that is the funniest thing EVER!!! But it does suck
Britt125 16
How to defend your grandmother against herself armed with a banana. First you force her to drop the banana, second you eat the banana thus disarming her. You have now rendered her helpless.
Mademoiselle_fml 34
Oh my god this comment was awesome. Just wanted you to know ;3
OfficialJSmooth 8
Hmmmm I hate life... let me kill myself with potassium