Today, my girlfriend has a new obsession: grabbing my junk and whispering in my ear the song, "Baby, Imma Be Your Motivation." Problem? I get an instant boner and she only does it in public, because it's "funny as hell." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend that getting on all fours and barking at my penis for fun in the center of a mall is extremely inappropriate. She thinks otherwise, and promises to do it again. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML
Today, as my wife and I were getting intimate, I thought I would try a little "dirty talk". I whispered in her ear that I would "dick her down good". She couldn't stop laughing. FML
Today, my husband discovered that whispering anything in my ear will turn me on. He turned to me and whispered 'cheeseburger' in my ear. Unfortunately, I moaned. Now he now laughs about it with our roommate. FML
Today, I jokingly told my boyfriend that he should sing that song that goes 'I'm too sexy for my shirt' when we have sex. Now, every time that we have sex, that song is going to be stuck in my head. FML
Today, I realised that my body has its own masturbation cycle; while I was out shopping, I heard the intro music to my room-mate's favourite video game, and popped an uncontrollable boner. FML
Today, and ever since my girlfriend and I watched the movie Obsession, she now thinks it's funny to watch me sleep, screams "STAAAAY!!" whenever I move when we're cuddling, and stands still by the door with a giant smile whenever I come home. FML
Today, I jokingly told my boyfriend that he should sing the "I'm too sexy for my shirt, so sexy it hurts…" song before we had sex. Now, every time we have sex, that song is going to be in my head. FML
Today, as I was about to meet my girlfriend's parents, she thought it would be funny to grab my junk and give me a hard-on right before they walked in. I couldn't hide it quickly enough. FML
Today, I was doing it with my girlfriend. Trying to be sexy, I moaned her name. She replied, "What?" FML
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Top comments
thantomaniac 0
That SOUNDS funny as hell.
MwahFMLS 6
Grab her boob and sing nyan cat? Meowmeowmeowmeow
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Comments (220)
JukeboxValkyrie 19
Obviously she's trying to get other people to notice because she secretly wants to start a public orgy.
USMC0331 0
How do you secretly start something that is public??
thisisafunnyname 12
usually i just walk into the public and take off my shades and hood then people start taking their clothes off in an attempt to have an orgy with me in it.
docscientist 10
Secret desire, not a secret start, 73.
mcbikki 1
This is awesome! I'm totally going to do this to mine.
ToeJams 0
If she only does it in public then you need to give it to her in public and then she will know what's up!
armywife0609 4
oh wow that must be embarrassing just find something that embarrass her in public maybe then she will stop
ilyAngel 0
Mine does the same x3 it's horrible but you'll live now and love it later xD
rawrkittyrawr 6
Yea... You type like a douchebag
Ferretface 13
31- You get 3 boners?
theonlysweetpea 10
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Wow is she two? Who else goes around doing stuff just to see the reactions they get? I say drop her or turnabout is fair play. Depends on your level of humor.
ShroomsOnAcid 17
Psychologists.
drawmesunshine 17
Scientists. Artists. Curious people in general.
Kazze 31
I do it for "research" purposes.
lajaynay 15
This is actually really funny to imagine. I can understand why it bothers him and yet, I can also understand why she does it. At least she's a fun gf.
SilentTreatment 7
Tell her it's not cool to tease, If she's not going to please.... -__-
foolishototo 0
Only if it's fair play
didthatreallyhap_fml 14
lol i love this fml
leadman1989 16
You're all a bunch of hypocrites!
leadman1989 16
Let me try to clarify this. There was an FML not to long ago about the SAME thing public emaressment but everybody called the guy childish and told the op she should leave him all of a sudden the rolls are reversed and public humiliation is JUST FINE. -_- I know these will be thumbed to death but there's nothing I can do about that.
perdix 31
Roles, not rolls. OK, to show you my consistency, I'll adapt my comment from that previous one to this one: Would you prefer that she grabs it and yells the Tony Montana line, "Say hallo to my leetle fren'!" and sweeps the room with it?
leadman1989 16
Ugh somewhere deep down inside of me I knew that... thanks I don't know why I'm getting worked up over this it's pretty much ubiquitous at this point. Watch "theamazingatheist - it's only sexist when men do it on" on YouTube.
YayFlameWarz 9
Yippee double standards!
drawmesunshine 17
Am I the only one thinking of that one fat bitch on Teen Mom? You know, the one that's with that really nice Mexican guy who she's always yelling at and beating on? I want to strangle that hoe. And Farrah, too. She's just a **** to everyone.
leadman1989 16
82... Thank you, you're one of my favorite commentors. Your post are either funny or thoughtful, and always well written. Yeah I try and hate on everyone equally. :p