Today, my girlfriend has a new obsession: grabbing my junk and whispering in my ear the song, "Baby, Imma Be Your Motivation." Problem? I get an instant boner and she only does it in public, because it's "funny as hell." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend that getting on all fours and barking at my penis for fun in the center of a mall is extremely inappropriate. She thinks otherwise, and promises to do it again. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML
Today, as my wife and I were getting intimate, I thought I would try a little "dirty talk". I whispered in her ear that I would "dick her down good". She couldn't stop laughing. FML
Today, my husband discovered that whispering anything in my ear will turn me on. He turned to me and whispered 'cheeseburger' in my ear. Unfortunately, I moaned. Now he now laughs about it with our roommate. FML
Today, I jokingly told my boyfriend that he should sing that song that goes 'I'm too sexy for my shirt' when we have sex. Now, every time that we have sex, that song is going to be stuck in my head. FML
Today, I realised that my body has its own masturbation cycle; while I was out shopping, I heard the intro music to my room-mate's favourite video game, and popped an uncontrollable boner. FML
Today, and ever since my girlfriend and I watched the movie Obsession, she now thinks it's funny to watch me sleep, screams "STAAAAY!!" whenever I move when we're cuddling, and stands still by the door with a giant smile whenever I come home. FML
Today, I jokingly told my boyfriend that he should sing the "I'm too sexy for my shirt, so sexy it hurts…" song before we had sex. Now, every time we have sex, that song is going to be in my head. FML
Today, as I was about to meet my girlfriend's parents, she thought it would be funny to grab my junk and give me a hard-on right before they walked in. I couldn't hide it quickly enough. FML
Today, I was doing it with my girlfriend. Trying to be sexy, I moaned her name. She replied, "What?" FML
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Top comments
thantomaniac 0
That SOUNDS funny as hell.
MwahFMLS 6
Grab her boob and sing nyan cat? Meowmeowmeowmeow
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Comments (220)
Freeze_fml 17
Your girlfriend is a keeper.
sydneyhaha 4
Nah brah she not a keepa she tease don't please I would Neva do that to my man
Freeze_fml 17
I hope you die slow and painfully.
didthatreallyhap_fml 14
OP never said that she doesn't please, he only said she likes to make him horny in public.
tmrwisanotherday 1
So does that mean she's a dead beat at home?
hk_fml 9
To be fair to you, that is one incredibly sexy song.
perdix 31
I can't see where the problem is here. If she grabbed your junk and DIDN'T get a boner, you might need Viagra or a sexier girlfriend. I can only see this joke backfiring on your girlfriend. One way would be that another woman is impressed by your turgid member and decides to horn in on the action. Another way, . . ., you can imagine the other way!
Tara_74656 7
it would have to be some pretty impressive stuff for the average girl to just move in like that. but then i guess i can really only speak for myself.
perdix 31
A solid erection while wearing loose pants can be an eye-popping spectacle, even deceptively so. I don't know if an average girl will pounce right on that at first sight, but I'll bet there are a few that will.
Tara_74656 7
somehow i don't doubt you are correct
perdix 31
Thanks, but I'm just guessing. It hasn't happened to me, so I wouldn't know what kind of attention it would attract. This sounds like a topic for further research...
Tara_74656 7
research... lol "hey you.. present boner for inspection...umm... no thanks.... NEXT!"
perdix 31
I wonder what you'll use as a control group ;) How many samples will you need to make statistically valid conclusions? PS: Did you get my PM?
Tara_74656 7
um no i didn't i'm logged on too. try an email to my yahoo... [email protected]
redheather 0
If his girlfriend DID get a boner then I imagine his problems would be a lot bigger
faith94m 5
bitches be crazy!
Jimboom 12
Next time she does this grab her **** and dry hump her ass from behind. If she is going to start things she should expect you to finish things.
Meme1988 18
Looool! It is funny as hell!!!! Im so doin that to my fiance !
allybear42 2
Lmao !
yankfan89 27
Yeah but she only does this in public not in private when he could do something about the boner
Thriller721 1
This the part in the smosh video where they make a weird face and big red letters pop up saying BONERIFIC!