Today, my girlfriend has a new obsession: grabbing my junk and whispering in my ear the song, "Baby, Imma Be Your Motivation." Problem? I get an instant boner and she only does it in public, because it's "funny as hell." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend that getting on all fours and barking at my penis for fun in the center of a mall is extremely inappropriate. She thinks otherwise, and promises to do it again. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML
Today, as my wife and I were getting intimate, I thought I would try a little "dirty talk". I whispered in her ear that I would "dick her down good". She couldn't stop laughing. FML
Today, my husband discovered that whispering anything in my ear will turn me on. He turned to me and whispered 'cheeseburger' in my ear. Unfortunately, I moaned. Now he now laughs about it with our roommate. FML
Today, I jokingly told my boyfriend that he should sing that song that goes 'I'm too sexy for my shirt' when we have sex. Now, every time that we have sex, that song is going to be stuck in my head. FML
Today, I realised that my body has its own masturbation cycle; while I was out shopping, I heard the intro music to my room-mate's favourite video game, and popped an uncontrollable boner. FML
Today, and ever since my girlfriend and I watched the movie Obsession, she now thinks it's funny to watch me sleep, screams "STAAAAY!!" whenever I move when we're cuddling, and stands still by the door with a giant smile whenever I come home. FML
Today, I jokingly told my boyfriend that he should sing the "I'm too sexy for my shirt, so sexy it hurts…" song before we had sex. Now, every time we have sex, that song is going to be in my head. FML
Today, as I was about to meet my girlfriend's parents, she thought it would be funny to grab my junk and give me a hard-on right before they walked in. I couldn't hide it quickly enough. FML
Today, I was doing it with my girlfriend. Trying to be sexy, I moaned her name. She replied, "What?" FML
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Top comments
thantomaniac 0
That SOUNDS funny as hell.
MwahFMLS 6
Grab her boob and sing nyan cat? Meowmeowmeowmeow
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Comments (220)
lolman222 0
You are absolutely correct. Gotta love double standards. If men do it, it's totally wrong and disturbing. If women do it, it's funny and okay in public. Does the same thing go for equal rights perhaps? Women, you say there are no more gentlemen around. That is mostly correct. It's because you all killed them. You want equal? Man up. Do you see men hold doors for other men? No. Just cause you have a ****** doesn't mean you get special treatment and get to do whatever you want. Nuff said.
Mr_Squinchy 0
Next time she does it, just stick your finger in her vag and sing the Spongebob Squarepants theme really loud.
didthatreallyhap_fml 14
lmao she would deserve it and i am sure this would make her stop embarrassing him... i can see the fml now
DawnMarie11 0
Agreed.
Ranimal 12
Hmmm...
FrostieFrost 9
Seems like a lady troll to me...
GlordQTinkledink 1
Wait a minute, hell isn't funny, it's not funny at all! :|
JinxosGirl87 0
My BF would never let me touch his junk in public unless I want to be single afterwards. I think OP is whipped and needs to put his foot down regarding his GF embarressing him.
smartloser 0
Maybe she just wants to show off your junk to the world, be proud.
bbychii 20
and if the genders were switched and he grabbed her, she should show her pussy to the world and be proud yeah? many people forget that its not all just one way, its alright for a female to grab a mans crotch in public and the man should be proud but if a man did it to a female they'd cry sexual harassment
shrimpyshrimp10 9
Wow! You should have a talk with her. And if she does it again get super pissed at her. She'll learn that it pisses u off real bad and won't do it again.
fentron 3
Just get her back. Tease her when you are alone and just stop.