Today, I realized the only times my boyfriend ever says, "I love you" are after he screws up or when he wants a blowjob. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He responded by asking for a blowjob. FML
Today, I looked my boyfriend in the eyes and said, "I love y-" He cut me off with, "Babe, a blowjob's worth a thousand words" and held eye contact until I awkwardly excused myself. FML
Today, while making a move in a board game that helped my boyfriend win, he got all excited and said "I love you, babe." I smiled until I realized this was the first time he told me that other than when he wants a blow-job. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting frisky in bed. He mumbled something that sounded like "I love you." I replied "I love you too baby", to which he laughed then said, "I said I wanted you to blow me." FML
Today, I was feeling unappreciated and asked my boyfriend if he loves me. He faltered and replied, "Uh, my dick does." FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He replied, dead serious, "That's nice and all, but anal speaks louder than words." FML
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend repeatedly whispering in my ear, "You want to give me a blowjob". Yes, he actually thought it would work. FML
Today, I overheard my boyfriend of two years saying he only dates me because "sometimes jerking off just ain't good enough". FML
Today, my rarely-romantic boyfriend finally said "I love you". Too bad he was drunk, and was talking to my vagina. FML
Today, I was lying in bed with my boyfriend, telling him how much I loved him. His answer? "Less lovin' more humpin'." This happens every single time. FML
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Top comments
ImaginaryFoe 1
Stop giving him ******** after he screws up.
starberries 0
My husband tells me he loves me several times a day. Then again, maybe that's why he's the one I married.
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Comments (121)
clogale 5
sounds like me
Expertfail 0
was gonna say, is your boyfriend me perchance?
rockefoe 6
lol well at least mine's not the only one!
lilmissy1290 0
ydi if you know that and are still with him
boringday123 7
Wise man...
warpig182 0
Are you by chance the Most Interesting Man in the World? Oh wait he doesnt screw up.
iSitt 0
what do women want ? Love. what do men want ? ********. Win-win.
iSayNopeToDope 0
me too, wow.
TheRealFamilyGuy 5
I love you, guess which option I want.
rockefoe 6
lol
samimcCune 15
at least you can admit that you're like that. it's really not the worst thing that could happen. unless you're saying i love you to women other than a girlfriend for ********, then going home to said girlfriend, saying i love you for screwing up, and another i love you, expecting a make up *******.
OreosBeGooood15 0
That's a sucky situation .
rockefoe 6
ahaha oh puns are still amazing :)
labratory5 0
reading *
iazy9 14
seems like a *puts on glasses* sucky situation
CheesyNacho 0
Sounds like a keeper ;)
EmoWuv 5
dats sad. he's a real gd catch...
xX_rawr_KiTTiEXx 0
Learn to spell words correctly. -.-
MissErikaHart 0
y don't u teach her?
Aurinity 0
Why don't you?
ICabooseI 0
it seems like any comment I'd put,would seem racist.
zackk993 0
lol same
brunettesara5722 17
he sounds like a great catch
El_Mero_Mero 0
hell jea. no job no love lol!
kutiekathy 2
well, if you keep giving head then he's gonna keep saying I love you
Fjeze90 0
Well, at least he's being consistent..
rockefoe 6
lol well at least mine's not the only one!
kristir9426 0
are we dating the same guy here? haha since moving to Cali I have not found a decent one!
TheDrifter 24
The decent ones have all been taken. All that's left is a bunch of lowlifes and drifters... and on that topic...
dogcolon 0
Ya 55 I bet the chicks beg you for sex....
EpicPear 0
There are decent guys everywhere. Ones that will take care of you and respect you. But it's sad that they all already have boyfriends.
H3ALTHFR3AK 0
55, how do you expect women to be able to resist you with that out-of-this-world hairstyle. I bet you don't even have to tell them you love em for a bj
Gloritank 8
No but we know it's not your girlfriend, considering your profile states your a pathetic insane loser without one. But for the sake of argument let's say you did have one. Not even she or any woman I know would be happy with being even in the same room as you.
boopityboppity 11
ET, I side with you, but I find several problems with your comment. You don't know his personality for sure, and you most certainly have no idea what his girl friends (the space is intentional) are like. Begging != funny. Throwing in the Valtrex comment was an unnecessary attack.
IllogicalGenius 0
Was there really a need for an arguement in the first place? God, people you all waste your time fighting on this when you could be doing something actually useful.
ImaginaryFoe 1
Stop giving him ******** after he screws up.
stronghand0331 17
Maybe that's why he screws up..
lebronesque73091 12
It sounds backwards. Shouldn't that happen when the girl screws up?
mintcar 10
Hmm...when you say you love him does he not respond back?
starberries 0
My husband tells me he loves me several times a day. Then again, maybe that's why he's the one I married.
hellokat1 0
No one asked...
SarahBearXoX 0
cool story, bro.
starberries 0
I was just letting you know what a real relationship is supposed to be like. And no one asked you to comment on my post, bitch.
BloodyHeel 8
I love you.
cuban4life 0
your husband tells you so much cause he's cheating on you lol he feels guilty I love you make him feel better ..
rockefoe 6
hey go cubans! :D