Today, with the most certainty and confidence that I have ever seen in her, my 16-year-old daughter told me an egg is a fruit because of its "hard shell and growing seed." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my 17 year-old daughter told me she was going to bake a cake. When she finished, she offered me some, but it was crunchy. I asked her why and she said the recipe said to put eggs in. She put them in whole. FML
Today, without even trying, I convinced my 17-year-old daughter that blueberries are just peas holding their breath. I have raised a complete airhead. FML
Today, my eleven year old daughter called me a moron, after I told her she was dead wrong when she claimed that rabbits lay eggs. FML
Today, I had to explain to my daughter that just because it says non-toxic on the crayons, it doesn't mean that you should eat them. She's 16. FML
Today, I told my daughter that she's going to be a big sister, because there is a baby growing in my tummy. She's been sobbing because I can't convince her that I didn't eat a baby. FML
Today, I had to explain to my daughter that no, just because the word, "salad" is in the name, it doesn't mean that macaroni or potato salad are automatically healthy for you. She still doesn't believe me. She's 19. FML
Today, my husband told my 5-year-old daughter that if I swallowed a watermelon seed, I would get pregnant. Tonight, she dropped one in my mouth while I was asleep. FML
Today, my daughter told me that my head is shaped like a kidney bean and that I'm lucky she even talks to me in public. She's 6. FML
Today, my son told his 8-year-old sister that since she swallowed an apple seed, that a tree is going to grow in her stomach and kill her. She's inconsolable and won't believe that she'll be fine, because "they say that to all the dying people on TV". FML
Today, I was talking to my grandma and I mentioned the fact that tomatoes are technically fruit. It's been an hour and she's still yelling, accusing me of lying to her. FML
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Top comments
Goblin182 27
If eggs are fruit, can bacon be a green leafy vegetable? Then I can eat healthy.
LadyGagasNipple 19
Well, I guess I can tell the doctor I get plenty of fruit in my diet.
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Comments (122)
counting_graves 0
She's going places... Not college perhaps, but places.
fmyblob 7
her brain is truly eggcell...never mind...i have no friends...
Krypt1c 11
Why do kids go to school again?
pete9913 23
At least she's trying to thi k creatively. Outside the box if you will...
mds9986 24
Does this mean a pregnant women is a fruit?
derpman123 17
you better hope she finds a rich old man and takes his wrinkled dick for a while then he does and leaves her all his money because she not going to go anywhere in life sorry
HerpNdurp88 0
Society as a whole is absolutely screwed unequivocally without a doubt.
Tigerman9 3
Are you sure she wasn't just joking?
trepatukas 16
Well, many food items are not what you think they are, in a botanical sense. So who knows, perhaps in some thirty years she might be correct :)
Lemonhead1510 17
This isn't your everyday stupid... This... Is advanced stupid. Jk