Today, my husband told my 5-year-old daughter that if I swallowed a watermelon seed, I would get pregnant. Tonight, she dropped one in my mouth while I was asleep. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my 5 year old swallowed her loose tooth, which she was going put under her pillow for the toothfairy. My wife then told her 'what goes in must come out'. And now everytime she does number 2, she makes me dig for her lost tooth. FML
Today, I caught a lady attempting to steal a watermelon by putting it in her shirt. When I confronted her, she claimed to be pregnant and threatened to sue me and the store for discriminating against mothers. Nice try, but the watermelon fell out. FML
Today, I told my husband I was pregnant, then he fainted. FML
Today, my in-laws came for dinner. My 5-year-old son chose that as the perfect time to say, "Good girls always swallow!" when my daughter coughed up some of her food. I have no idea where he heard it, but my mother-in-law blamed me, and my wife had to convince her not to call CPS on me. FML
Today, my friends thought it would be funny to try and break a watermelon on my head while I was asleep on the couch. FML
Today, I told my 4-year-old neighbor that I'm pregnant. His response was to attack me with a stick "for swallowing a baby." Three people had to pull him off. FML
Today, my husband jolted in bed and while still half-asleep said, "I had a nightmare; I dreamt we had a kid." I'm 8 months pregnant. FML
Today, I caught my young daughter eating candy after brushing her teeth. Angry, I asked her if she wanted all her teeth to fall out. She smiled and said, “Yes!” FML
Today, I told my daughter that she's going to be a big sister, because there is a baby growing in my tummy. She's been sobbing because I can't convince her that I didn't eat a baby. FML
Today, my husband of 6 years said in a grave voice that he had some important news for me. Jokingly, I said, "Why, did you get that cute colleague of yours pregnant?" He did. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
PennyLane27 32
Tomorrow at school: "I made mommy pregnant!"
MegasaurusRex89 28
Well, sounds like someone wants a sibling! haha
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (14)
jbuckets_404 39
Just wait until the husband asks their daughter how she thinks her mom got pregnant with her! lol
jbuckets_404 39
Plz explain your down-votes.... :-)
MegasaurusRex89 28
Well, sounds like someone wants a sibling! haha
RichardPencil 32
Tell her she needs to drop a little, blue pill in dad's mouth to make it happens.
zedjaleaf1 11
Just be happy it wasn't your husbands seed.
MidnaLink 35
No, just no.
jbuckets_404 39
zedjaleaf1, that's what I was alluding to as well in my earlier comment - lol
TaoShaman 24
That's disturbing.
PennyLane27 32
Tomorrow at school: "I made mommy pregnant!"
张卓铭 2
she is so cute!
Bearsmomma 30
My grandpa told me I'd have a watermelon baby too. I believed him.
pjsr 33
(10 years from now) BF: I don't have a condom. What if you get pregnant? Daughter: Don't worry; my parents think babies come from watermelon seeds. They'll never suspect we did it.
Alex Mcd 17
wait then where do they come from