Today, I told my daughter that she's going to be a big sister, because there is a baby growing in my tummy. She's been sobbing because I can't convince her that I didn't eat a baby. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I showed the kids I was babysitting a picture of my daughter, and the little girl asked, "You have a baby in your belly?" I said, "No, she's not in my belly anymore," and the little girl replied, "But it's BIG," and patted my stomach. FML
Today, my three-year-old daughter rushed in, excited about her new baby brother or sister. She was so excited, I didn't have the heart to tell her men can't have babies, and I just have a beer gut. FML
Today, over a family dinner, my husband and I told everyone that I'm pregnant. My father frowned and said, "Again?", my 9-year-old daughter started crying, and her brother smirked and yelled, "Up the ass, no babies!" FML
Today, in the middle of the store, my daughter pointed at my belly and loudly announced that she was going to have a brother. I'm a man, and apparently I need to lose weight. FML
Today, I was grocery shopping with my older sister. An elderly couple passed, and the man pointed to my sister, saying, "She LOVES to eat." My sister is 7 months pregnant, and I had to spend the next hour comforting her as she bawled her eyes out because of an off-hand comment from a stranger. FML
Today, I had to call a parent and tell them that their special needs daughter is pregnant. FML
Today, my husband and I told my parents that I finally managed to conceive. My mom burst into tears of joy and said how great it was that she's finally going to be a "real" grandma, all within earshot of our adopted and now-devastated daughter. FML
Today, after my 4 year-old was so excited to be a big sister, hugging my belly every chance she got, counting down the days till the due date, my son was born this morning. She took one look at him and declared, “I don’t like him, leave him here, do we have to keep him?” then started crying. FML
Today, my little sister asked me what she would look like when she got older. I told her that she would probably look a lot like me. She started to cry. FML
Today, I told my 4-year-old daughter that when she grew up she could work at a daycare, like me, to help all of the little kids like her. She started crying because she thought it was a bad job to have. FML
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Top comments
Druu 53
Spoiler: OP's daughter is in her early twenties and is terrified at the prospect of having to eat an entire baby if she later decides to have children.
EmperorPalpatine 19
When I read that, I was picturing Fat Bastard screaming at mini me to "GET IN MY BELLY"!!!
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Comments (15)
Druu 53
Spoiler: OP's daughter is in her early twenties and is terrified at the prospect of having to eat an entire baby if she later decides to have children.
Lobby_Bee 18
At least you won't have to worry about teen pregnancy.
Arashikage 18
Yes because we all know that people don't stop believing stuff like that until they're in their early 30s
EmperorPalpatine 19
When I read that, I was picturing Fat Bastard screaming at mini me to "GET IN MY BELLY"!!!
RichardPencil 32
Tell her how the baby really got in there and she'll WISH you ate a ******' baby!
Regulate 21
She should be happy that you didn't eat her first.
Glowworm56 27
All I can think about is that one Fairly Oddparents' episode where Timmy goes back in time and sees his parents back when he was still inside his mother. Cosmo remarks "I thought she loved Timmy. Why did she eat him?"
frizz101 22
At least she's not upset that's she's going to be a big sister.
PH4NX0M 16
You ate it, but not with your mouth.
skippydoda 32
She should have eaten it.
GhostFox 34
This is one reason why giving the sex talk early is so important.
BrotherPhil 35
I would recommend "Mummy laid an egg": A mostly tasteful, and light-hearted, book for parents and children on the subject of where babies come from.