Today, an old man walked up to me, said, "Hey missy, you wanna see an antique?" and winked. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Today, I was walking down the street and while stopped at a light, this old man waved at me. Thinking nothing of it, I walked through a parking lot to get to where I was going, where he not only followed me, but mistook me for a prostitute. It was 5pm. FML
Today, out of habit, I said "See you later" to a creepy old male customer who stared at my chest the whole time I was serving him. His response was to wink and say, "Oh, you will." FML
Tip off
Today, an old man wanted to give me a tip for bagging his groceries. He slipped some money as deep into my pocket as he could, stroking my thigh for a few long seconds in the process, then he gave me a creepy smile and winked before walking away. FML
Today, I was cleaning at work when an elderly gentleman walked towards me, paused, and with a wink said, "That's what I like to see: a girl on her knees." This is the same workplace where another old man informed me that my yellow uniform made me look like a "suggestive cheesecake." FML
I just want to go home
Today, at work, I handed an old man his drink, and our fingers accidentally brushed. He gave me a creepy wink and a smile, but I ignored it. He's now been sitting in the store for two hours watching me. Only four hours to go until I get off. FML
Today, I was on a train when an old man standing next to me very obviously checked me out, caught my eye, and winked. He spent the next five minutes rubbing his penis against my leg. When I turned to tell him off, the train lurched, and the old man fell face first into my breasts. FML
Stalker vibes
Today, I was walking around Walmart when this cute guy walked by me and winked. I thought he wanted to talk, so I followed him around the store, trying to catch up. Turns out it wasn't a wink, he had something in his eye. He told the security person that a weird girl was stalking him. FML
Today, while walking home with my boyfriend, he jokingly slapped my butt. A man as old as my dad drove by, yelled "Wooo, spank that ass! DAMN!" and kept leering at me before finally driving off. FML
Thanks but no thanks
Today, while in Walmart, I noticed an old man who had been following me for about five minutes. I politely pulled over with my cart and smiled at him so he could pass. He then said with a creepy smile, "So, it's your turn to stare at my butt now?" It's the most attention I've gotten in weeks. FML
Pervy perv walks
Today, I was at work as a grocery store cashier. I felt a hand slap my ass. Turning around I saw an old man winking at me and I screamed. When my manager came to deal with the problem she didn't believe me and gave the man a $25 gift card for "the trouble" I caused. FML
Top comments
leafeon523 20
If that's the line he's going with, it's probably never been used. Truly a vintage antique!
19990231 29
That pickup line is probably as old as he is.
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Comments (81)
gintwinsmoore 20
okay...so what did you say?
laurenswims13 24
Look at the name of who posted it #1
tantanpanda 26
OP only likes modern things :)
gintwinsmoore 20
yes thanks guys...I keep forgetting to look at the names that are posted on these FMLs. didn't realize there are so many rules to making comments here!
leafeon523 20
If that's the line he's going with, it's probably never been used. Truly a vintage antique!
pimpmilk69 18
I think it's his dick...
MidnaLink 35
You don't say...
CurlyQute 17
Well no shit.
ohSNAPyall 27
No, it's antique wormwood.
Welshite 40
"It has that unique patina that indicates true age and quality."
Ichiya 29
American Peckers*
CJB3228 17
Or pawn stars. **** stars?
jat_fml 3
awwe now im gonna try that very same lines here ahahahahaaa
Khaleesi_26 30
Well, did you?!?
hacksaw246 24
Don't you think that comment is sort of antiqued by now?
noelsom7 13
Was he creepy or one of those cute old men?
Khaleesi_26 30
I think it's safe to say he was a creepy one. Lol
Wsparta 26
could have tried telling him you aren't interested in checking out old junk
funsizedliz 16
Haven't you heard it's worth more?
ironmany_fml 23
i dont think he'd let OP sell it. lol
EatUrGreens 20
"Nah, I'm into modern art, sorry" :')
lucyisbae 18
@3 Nice job, you're very perceptive.
19990231 29
There is a reply button for a reason, mate.
19990231 29
That pickup line is probably as old as he is.
beaglegal 42
Ask him if he wants a knuckle sandwich?