Today, as I was about to have sex with my husband, I said I wanted to "spice things up." Apparently, our ideas weren't the same. He yanked my nipples as hard as he could and said, "Yeah, you like that?" FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my husband came home, threw me over his shoulder, and carried me to the bedroom. Furious, I shrieked to be put down and demanded an explanation. He said, "I thought you wanted us to be more spontaneous…" Apparently, that means he should treat me like a sex toy. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Attempting to make things a little more exciting, I said in my sexiest voice, "Oh yeah, harder." My boyfriend who apparently doesn't like talking dirty, pulled out and angrily said, "I was trying, what more do you want?" FML
Today, I had a chat with my husband, and I convinced him to try being more spontaneous to spice up our sex life. This evening, he burst into our bedroom with an eyepatch on, and "seductively" growled, "I'm gonna slay your pussy, wench." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and, in the heat of the moment, I cried out for him to go harder. He then had an exasperated expression on his face, and, in an adamantly offended tone, said, "Don't tell me what to do." Then he left the room. FML
Today, a few days after getting my nipples repierced, my man initiated sex. Normally, I love it when he's a little rough on my tits, and I guess he forgot about my not-entirely-healed nips. Let's just say sex ended REAL fast. FML
Today, my husband decided to literally spice things up. He put a "small amount" of hot-sauce in our lubricant without telling me. He thought 1,000,000 Scoville units would make me cum. The only one who came was the paramedic. FML
Today, during foreplay with my boyfriend, I put my legs around his neck. He pushed them away violently, shouting, "Bloody hell, it's prickling me!" I'd shaved the day before. FML
Today, me and my hubby wanted to spice things up in the bedroom. He’s always wanted to eat food off my body but never wanted to deal with the mess. He got a little too excited and ended up biting my nipple instead of the spaghetti. I didn’t know someone was capable of biting that hard on soft food. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, my husband wanted me to "spice up" our sex life. I guess he didn't count on me vomiting when he came in my mouth. We won't be getting intimate again for a long, long time now. FML
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Top comments
exuberant_orange 17
Did you yank his nipples back?
B1ackthesun 31
Maybe it's just me but if you didn't specify what you meant by 'spice things up' then you deserve it. You can't give vague descriptions like that and expect them to get it right. For some nipple yanking is the best.... For you not so much, but if you didn't tell your partner what you had in mind then you can't blame them for not knowing.
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Comments (96)
it_must_be 7
Well did you?
Soviet_American 29
That's some 50 shades of grey, stuff there.
Mauskau 36
More like 5 comments repeated.
Steve95401 49
More like 50 Shades of "Got Milk?".
JuliaaNoelle 26
If it were 50 Shades of Grey, it would probably be nipple clamps hooked to a car battery or something.. Lol Not that I've read the books or anything, just going off of what I've heard cx
Jason89 16
was he milking you or what?
englacobain 14
21, Well did he stalk OP first? Otherwise he's doing it wrong.
it_must_be 7
Well did you?
biasedshooter 24
Did you?
exuberant_orange 17
Did you yank his nipples back?
JocelynKaulitz 28
She should've given him the ol' titty twister
Darkness_Hate 29
Well it might be his definition of "SM"..
Weiss_Schnee 14
What was your idea?
Weiss_Schnee 14
What was your idea?
it_must_be 7
Well did you?
JustinJK 21
Well did you?
aylind 18
Communication is key OP. Just talk it out and remind him he's not Christian Grey...
cameosurgeon 16
I don't understand why you're getting down voted. OP does need to communicate what she wants.
marigoldcobain 21
probably because she mentioned Fifty Shades, #78.
Weiss_Schnee 14
What was your idea?