Today, while trying some new kinky things with my boyfriend, he cried out, "Call me Jesus!" Yeah... I think we're done with that. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend decided to name his penis "Jesus". For the last two hours he's been continuously asking if I "want to be touched by Jesus" or will I "let Jesus in to spread his warmth." FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend and I lustfully requested we try doggy style this time. He responded, "No, Jesus wouldn't like that." FML
Today, while taking my boyfriend's virginity, he started moaning, "Oh God! Oh God! Oh God!" He then started crying and praying. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and, in the heat of the moment, I cried out for him to go harder. He then had an exasperated expression on his face, and, in an adamantly offended tone, said, "Don't tell me what to do." Then he left the room. FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, he called me "Mom." FML
Today, this girl and I were chilling in my apartment. Things got heated up and we started making out. One thing lead to another, and the next thing I knew, she was giving me head. I was getting ready to bust when she stopped, looked up into my eyes and said, "Do you believe in Jesus?" FML
Today, during a intense orgasm I screamed, "You're my God!" at my husband. Afterwards, he told me I was blasphemous and reminded me that God smites those with false prophets. Needless to say, I think I'll just keep my mouth shut in the future. FML
Today, I was having phone sex with my boyfriend. Trying to be sexy, I told him what I was doing with my vibrator. I heard a loud bang, followed by him shouting, "Why don't you just fucking marry it, then?!" and then hanging up. FML
Today, as I was about to have sex with my husband, I said I wanted to "spice things up." Apparently, our ideas weren't the same. He yanked my nipples as hard as he could and said, "Yeah, you like that?" FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having a romantic night. As we were having sex, he decided to say, "Look mom, no hands!" and it totally ruined the mood. FML
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Top comments
Storvolleng 28
do the next best thing and shout "oh god!" he would be so pissed if you said his fathers name!
Excelz 10
Jesus should already be inside you anyway.
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Comments (63)
FranckGonzalz 16
At least he is a "man of God".
Econforthwin 15
Probably one one of the best OP screen names you'll ever see.
bloodwraith96 16
Well there are worse things he could be, at least you know you won't run out of wine
Sheepalicious 20
Then you should get him to call you mary Magdalene.
sstahpp 33
Hallelujah!
sstahpp 33
Hallelujah!!
Livin_Like_Larry 29
Unless his actual name is Jesus, that would be a little wierd
laden_swallow09 35
Hence the FML.
shadow_heart_13 11
No your spelling mistake looks weird.
cccook1547 14
You're*
dgameseeker 12
It was actually the correct form of your*
BlondePsycho 43
I dont understand, he wants to be nailed to a cross and have everything he says misinterpreted?
Undecidedlime 6
That comment. I like that shit.
Scarylizard1798 23
And that's the last time you tie him to a cross and put a fake beard on him during sex
DaeccaD 5
so. you could say he ended up nailing his hand.