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Spread the word

JAY22 - 26/03/2009 11:41 - United States

Today, this girl and I were chilling in my apartment. Things got heated up and we started making out. One thing lead to another, and the next thing I knew, she was giving me head. I was getting ready to bust when she stopped, looked up into my eyes and said, "Do you believe in Jesus?" FML

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Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

Ben - 25/01/2010 03:31 - United States

Today, I was talking this pretty religious girl that I like. We were playing a game and I asked her if she could go back in history and meet anyone who would it be. She said Jesus. Without thinking I said "I mean someone that was real." FML

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man - 30/10/2009 16:34 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend was giving me amazing head. I was really getting into it, when she looked up, and gave me a thumbs up. I can never take oral sex seriously again. FML

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unbelievable208 - 05/08/2009 05:28 - United States

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. It was just me and her. Things began to get heated, and we started doing it on the living room couch. Near the end of it, I whispered in her ear, "Who's your daddy?" I then heard behind me, "I am." FML

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Stuff

BOO! - 25/05/2019 04:00

Today, my girlfriend was giving me head. When I came, she was scared of the "stuff" that came out. FML

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Feed me with your kiss

Anonymous - 18/09/2021 08:00

Today, while having missionary sex, my girl was reaching a climax. She kept screaming a bunch of things like, “Yes!”, “Don’t stop!”, “Keep going.” Well, at least until a giant booger fell straight from my nose into her mouth. Then the only thing she was screaming was that I needed to leave. FML

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BDSM4Jesus - 20/01/2015 04:42 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, while trying some new kinky things with my boyfriend, he cried out, "Call me Jesus!" Yeah... I think we're done with that. FML

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WWJD - 01/03/2017 12:00 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend and I lustfully requested we try doggy style this time. He responded, "No, Jesus wouldn't like that." FML

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Jesus wept

chicochico - 19/12/2008 16:05 - France

Today, I had sex with a girl who cried out as she came, "Forgive me Lord! Forgive me Lord!" FML

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Get the hell out of there

Anonymous - 01/09/2022 22:00

Today, my friend and I were driving to work, when she asked me to stop at the gas station. Ten minutes later, I see this woman come out, my friend right behind her. The woman spotted me, an intense look in her eyes. She marched over, threw a paper at me, and screamed, "Jesus died for our sins!" She then stormed off. I'm a crazy magnet. FML

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Oh no oh no

jealouspussy - 20/02/2013 06:55 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was giving my guy a blowjob. When he blurted out, "Oh Jesus" I assumed I was doing a good job. I looked up to see the expression on his face and noticed a look of terror. He was staring at my growling cat, two seconds away from clawing his face off. FML

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lolol182 4

Thursday 26 March 2009 20:00

ahahahahaha reminds me of the one where the girl said "forgive me lord!" when she came

Socrates_fml 0

Thursday 26 March 2009 20:02

how did you answer/what happened?

lolol182 4

Thursday 26 March 2009 20:00

ahahahahaha reminds me of the one where the girl said "forgive me lord!" when she came

Tang35 0

Wednesday 17 February 2010 6:49

haha u r so right!! :) if I were a guy id of been like, yes! now bow your head and pray already!

nosedive1994 0

Sunday 18 April 2010 8:34

I'd have been like "I'll decide when I come"

hellokittywhore 0

Wednesday 28 April 2010 0:39

lmfao at 309!!! I'm soo gonna do this tonight!! or maybe the one where the girls giving her bf head and lots at him and gives him a thumbs up. XD

Selsa_Squirrel 0

Wednesday 11 August 2010 8:14

There is much win in this one. U.U

Xtaci 0

Sunday 15 August 2010 20:18

#323 tell ur bf it tastes like chicken. see what he says lol

viper2426 0

Monday 25 July 2011 10:58

should have cummed and said hallaluya!!

Humanspider 18

Thursday 24 November 2011 12:20

awesome!

aimzskee 30

Tuesday 8 July 2014 14:56

What a mood killer

Socrates_fml 0

Thursday 26 March 2009 20:02

how did you answer/what happened?

meaganwas 0

Thursday 26 March 2009 20:03

sockmonkey560 0

Monday 20 July 2009 8:27

lol!

doglover_427 0

Thursday 15 April 2010 6:14

definately. xD he understands everything

GreatGeak 8

Thursday 18 November 2010 17:32

He's cool, but He'd never want you to start. ...He's the after marriage kinda guy. granted there'd be a lot less stories if people started waiting.

thegoods69 0

Sunday 30 January 2011 2:15

hey 3 you single jk

orgin1 0

Monday 27 June 2011 3:34

win

l23VIVE 17

Saturday 14 April 2012 5:31

He's not real so how could have an opinion

little_red13 6

Sunday 25 November 2012 8:42

Yeah he is. Dick..

ProctorKProducti 5

Sunday 30 March 2014 6:42

colby6666 43

Tuesday 1 April 2014 20:34

And so the fighting over religion begins...

bellwether 0

Thursday 26 March 2009 20:03

Well, do you?

lifeisaterriblem 6

Sunday 12 June 2011 8:12

jeffreebitch 0

Monday 4 July 2011 9:25

Jeffrey Dahmer is mine ;)

LaChicaBonita 0

Tuesday 5 July 2011 4:36

hell no! Jesus suckas! XP get real people

tumornamedmarla 0

Thursday 26 March 2009 20:05

HAHAHAHAH. I'm a girl, so I wouldn't particularly know, but something tells me there are fewer faster ways to lose a hard-on.

Adrian66_fml 0

Sunday 28 March 2010 7:50

Yes, jesus would most likely be an instant hard-on killer.

beerchen 0

Thursday 26 March 2009 20:05

LOL @ #3

misssweetsweet 0

Thursday 26 March 2009 20:07

WOW! I bet that was a bit disturbing... and confusing.

dawnie1001 0

Thursday 26 March 2009 20:07

Ya that will make everything crawl right up inside.

SaturnE_fml 0

Monday 14 June 2010 6:06

Exactly! He was about to bust, and she wanted to ****!

blah_blah_bleh 0

Thursday 26 March 2009 20:08

This is probably one of the funniest FML's i've seen yet hahahahahahahahahahahaaha

waterydesire 0

Thursday 26 March 2009 20:10

.... Daaaayomnnn.. What a way to kill the mood.

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, my boss created a WhatsApp group called "Forever Alone", added me and only me, and then left so that I could be the only person in the group. FML

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Today, I asked my boyfriend if he'd rather play the new Assassin's Creed game or have a night of sex with me. He started crying from indecision. FML

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Today, I was driving around with a few friends when one of them suggested we go in to an insurance company's office and sing their jingle. I'm an awful singer, so I was planning on lip syncing. Everyone else had the same idea. FML

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Today, a homeless man asked me for money in a train station bathroom. When I told him I had no money he left. He then returned only to pour a bottle full of urine on my head while I was in the stall. I use a metro card. I honestly had no money. FML

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Today, my boyfriend realised that I’m from the part of Louisiana where we hunt gators for food, and dumped me because he doesn’t want to be a city boy who ends up fathering redneck kids, and having to sail through swamps to visit the in-laws. FML

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Today, my great grandfather got arrested. Why? He is still shell shocked from World War II, so when we went to a hibachi grill, he didn't want any of those, "Damn Japs" to touch his food, and our chef didn't take too kindly to his verbal assault. FML

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