Today, while spooning my spouse, I was awakened in the wee hours by a huge, junk-rattling fart. This has happened numerous times since she became a vegetarian. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was spooning with my girlfriend. She fell asleep and spent the next 15 minutes farting on me. FML
Today, in the middle of the night, I was punched in the face by my frightened girlfriend, who had just been awoken by her own fart. FML
Today, my girlfriend farted in her sleep, woke me up because it was so damn loud, and my room smelt like rotten noodles for about an hour. FML
Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML
Today, I was awoken by my wife patting my head and talking in her sleep, asking, "Who is this? Who am I touching?" She then rolled over and farted on me. FML
Today, I was woken up by my own fart. FML
Today, in the middle of the night, my girlfriend whispered "Are you asleep?" I chose not to respond, to see what she'd do. She then let rip a loud, stinking fart, giggled, and went back to sleep. FML
Today, I was cuddling my boyfriend before going to bed. He farted really loud and spat in my face as he laughed. FML
Today, I farted so loudly in my sleep that it woke myself, my husband, and our cat. The cat let me know he was startled by clawing and biting the perceived threat, my bum. FML
Today, while I was sleeping, apparently I rolled over towards my fiancé and told him "We gotta save the turtles!" and had a five seconds long fart. Now he won't stop making fun of me. FML
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Top comments
Niicky_fml 20
The way this is worded is fantastic.
kaprookie 3
Put some meat in her ;)
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Comments (219)
KaileyNawnerz 0
This is really coincidental considering..it says its from steve-0 (jackass movies) and hes literally a vegan..:)
alexpet888 0
Hmm good luck with the eating that broccoli.
paschale 7
That's pretty much what I said but I got loads of omnivores bitching at me! Mmmmm meat farts....
dirtbike0375 0
Hahaha I thought it said spooning my hpuse
brianod 0
did the farts smell like Satan's ass gas?
Crystal55621 19
I laughed do hard! "Satan's ass gas"!!!!!!
BD_Swingin 0
Meat status.
happy_dino 6
I thought this said 'While spooning my house'... No wonder this sounded weird at first.
shutitalready 1
Omfg, this thread of conversation is as good as the Fml, if not better.
mjd748 0
"junk-rattling fart"...that is priceless
romese 1
This is a good example of why husbands and wifes had seperate rooms before the 20th century.