Today, while spooning my spouse, I was awakened in the wee hours by a huge, junk-rattling fart. This has happened numerous times since she became a vegetarian. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was spooning with my girlfriend. She fell asleep and spent the next 15 minutes farting on me. FML
Today, in the middle of the night, I was punched in the face by my frightened girlfriend, who had just been awoken by her own fart. FML
Today, my girlfriend farted in her sleep, woke me up because it was so damn loud, and my room smelt like rotten noodles for about an hour. FML
Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML
Today, I was awoken by my wife patting my head and talking in her sleep, asking, "Who is this? Who am I touching?" She then rolled over and farted on me. FML
Today, I was woken up by my own fart. FML
Today, in the middle of the night, my girlfriend whispered "Are you asleep?" I chose not to respond, to see what she'd do. She then let rip a loud, stinking fart, giggled, and went back to sleep. FML
Today, I was cuddling my boyfriend before going to bed. He farted really loud and spat in my face as he laughed. FML
Today, I farted so loudly in my sleep that it woke myself, my husband, and our cat. The cat let me know he was startled by clawing and biting the perceived threat, my bum. FML
Today, while I was sleeping, apparently I rolled over towards my fiancé and told him "We gotta save the turtles!" and had a five seconds long fart. Now he won't stop making fun of me. FML
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Top comments
Niicky_fml 20
The way this is worded is fantastic.
kaprookie 3
Put some meat in her ;)
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Comments (219)
ndnpride88 25
Lmao nice way of putting it haha
01fuckhead10 14
whahaha i'm lmfao.. just feed her meat without her knowing it.. or get another girlfriend who doesn't fart shit
Scanoodles 2
Divorce
THE_A_TEEN 28
Over bed farting? Don't marry, please.
Okayitwasme 0
Beano, found in most pharmacies.
darkmis1 18
I've been a vegetarian for more than five years and I don't get nasty gas. It just might be her system adjusting, but most likely the food she's eating (possibly beans because of the protein?)
Sperino 4
Well it's obvious that this FML is fake since everyone knows that women don't fart.
megatayters 0
Stick a cork in there :P
kaykay20 0
Yeah some vegetables cause gas like spinach which is quite healthy despite the gassy side effects.
Calen5556 0
Am I the only one who noticed Steve-O wrote this?
AliCat18 12
that is horrible! you need to start thinking of a plan to turn her into a juicey meating loving carnivore again!