Today, my husband and I stopped at a scenic overlook on top of a mountain. I looked down and noticed several small shells and excitedly called him over. I said, "I can't believe I found fossils here!" The moment it came out of my mouth, I realized they were pistachio shells. So did he. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband told me to hold out my hand. He opened his, and in mine dropped a giant mutant tooth he had pulled a few months ago. FML
Today, I was showing my boyfriend some stuff I bought that day: a new thong and a bag of his favorite brand of peanuts. He was more excited about the peanuts. FML
Today, after I'd spent two weeks planning the perfect proposal at the aquarium, right as I got down on one knee, a little kid pointed at me and yelled, "Mom! That man dropped something!" Half the people around us started looking around for whatever I'd "lost" instead of watching the proposal. FML
Today, during dinner, my boyfriend slowly walked up next to me, got on one knee, and in one movement pointed at my feet and shouted, "WHAT ARE THOSE?!" FML
Today, my boyfriend found an empty snail shell. I tried messing with him by saying the snail had turned into a slug, like caterpillars turn into butterflies. He quickly replied, "Yeah I know. I'm not a tard, babe." and said he'd been taught all that and more back in school. What the hell? FML
Today, I watched my husband pick his dead foot skin and say, "That's a keeper!" before putting it in his mouth. FML
Today, I decided to surprise my husband in the shower. I got in and we were talking and goofing around and I stuck out my chest and sucked in my stomach being stupid, and my husband said, "Wait! Do it again! That's how you looked when I first met you." FML
Today, my girlfriend and I somehow got into the conversation of what the weirdest thing we have ever found in food was. She said she found paper in her fortune cookie; she was serious. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me how he used to collect little things when he was younger. He then decided to tell me about his current big toe nail collection. FML
Today, my husband woke up, rolled over, and said, "Good morning, beautiful." He hasn't called me that in months, but as I was about to reply, I realized he was talking to his pet turtle, not me. FML
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Top comments
day624 14
Aw nuts! Thats something i would do! Laugh it off thats a funny moment!
perdix 31
Were they near the Neanderthal Mountain Dew cans and the Paleolithic condoms?
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Comments (88)
day624 14
Aw nuts! Thats something i would do! Laugh it off thats a funny moment!
astoryofroses 9
it's not so bad! everyone has their moments :)
day624 14
Exactly! And ive had plenty!
simmer333 0
I see what you did there.
doctorhook86 25
OP may want to look into getting new glasses.
PaulB123 11
So delicious. On the other hand, he likely thinks you're pretty nutty!
Insane_Tea 15
Cue the slew of nuts jokes.
isaiaah 6
*fake clap* great joke, truly amusing. Not.
PaulB123 11
Oh isaiaah please enlighten me and teach me your ingenious ways! Ah yes, comment 18 ... That is just a superb comment, truly inspiring. If only I could be more like you!
livihope 4
"not" or "nut"?
airforce987 20
*Borat voice* My shirt is black not?
JFAW 6
At least it was only your husband. :)
JFurr 9
I agree. If she married the guy, she should be able to laugh at herself in front of this. This seems like something that would turn into an inside joke. Whenever they see litter or something like that, I could see them saying something about fossils.
ambowew 7
You're absolutely nuts!
kyangel 1
Awwe well what can u do when u live in a zoo??
whosindahouse 9
Think nuts are fossils.
8rabido8 11
Win ^^
perdix 31
Were they near the Neanderthal Mountain Dew cans and the Paleolithic condoms?
mikeymayhem_87 15
Don't forget the Triassic beer cans!
afropuffjake 9
And the Jurassic bra!
caseyyann17 2
That sound like something I would do. :)
maggierose171 7
Crush them before he can see! "Woops I'm so clumsy!"
nofearjenshere 12
Well if he noticed it at the exact same time that she did, then I think it's a little too late for that.
olpally 33
Just laugh it off! Lol, we all make mistakes. Just enjoy the scenic view. :)
perdix 31
Hopefully, your husband will consider your foolishness and *lowers sunglasses* overlook it.
TJhudson181 12
YEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHH!