Today, while spooning my spouse, I was awakened in the wee hours by a huge, junk-rattling fart. This has happened numerous times since she became a vegetarian. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was spooning with my girlfriend. She fell asleep and spent the next 15 minutes farting on me. FML
Today, in the middle of the night, I was punched in the face by my frightened girlfriend, who had just been awoken by her own fart. FML
Today, my girlfriend farted in her sleep, woke me up because it was so damn loud, and my room smelt like rotten noodles for about an hour. FML
Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML
Today, I was awoken by my wife patting my head and talking in her sleep, asking, "Who is this? Who am I touching?" She then rolled over and farted on me. FML
Today, I was woken up by my own fart. FML
Today, in the middle of the night, my girlfriend whispered "Are you asleep?" I chose not to respond, to see what she'd do. She then let rip a loud, stinking fart, giggled, and went back to sleep. FML
Today, I was cuddling my boyfriend before going to bed. He farted really loud and spat in my face as he laughed. FML
Today, I farted so loudly in my sleep that it woke myself, my husband, and our cat. The cat let me know he was startled by clawing and biting the perceived threat, my bum. FML
Today, while I was sleeping, apparently I rolled over towards my fiancé and told him "We gotta save the turtles!" and had a five seconds long fart. Now he won't stop making fun of me. FML
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Top comments
Niicky_fml 20
The way this is worded is fantastic.
kaprookie 3
Put some meat in her ;)
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Comments (219)
GypsyRover 0
Lol. Be thankful her "air,shit separator" is working! 8-)
wildfiresgirl 7
"junk-rattling" fart? Wow, that must be quite a fart! Hahaha
tedyesca 0
sounds about right, not really a funny there
wriptidez 0
and?
TinyLittleSilver 4
HAHAHAHAHA! The description of the fart just made me laugh so hard. :D Thank you for such a well worded FML.
dearanjuez 1
My boyfriend is guilty of the SAME thing these days
smittys 7
So has anyone noticed he said while spooning, he got awakened by a fart? How can you be sleeping while spooning? I would love to learn how!
joa76 3
Uh...you know what, I'm just going to let UrbanDictionary answer that one for you: "spooning: when two people lay back to front, not necessarily sexually, esp. when done in ones sleep at night."
Wtf91101 3
Best written FML ever!
bubo_fml 11
Avoid anal intercourse after cabbage soup. She may let off on the upstroke & inflate you like a kid's balloon!
HunterAlpha1 8
dump her and find someone who isn't a damn veggiehead